Dr. Eric's Lead Pipe Lock Intel Report Preview Analyst Over/Under Pig Skin Pick 'Em

So, I'm going to try and start up a little weekly deal here where I pick the weekend's football games. I won't be guessing the scores, just the winner, because I'm lazy. I will, however, write a little caption about each game so I don't appear too lazy. We'll see how it goes...

Kansas City Chiefs at Atlanta

Get ready for some amazing football. This is like a division 1-AA college football game. No, actually that would be an insult. Mississippi Valley State could beat these teams. Tyler Thigpen vs. Matt Ryan--in the ultimate showdown. Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Kids seats still just five bucks!

Winner: Atlanta? Who cares?

Oakland at Buffalo

The vaunted Raiders will head hopefully into Buffalo to face the Southern Toronto Bills--a team very much on the rise. Marshawn Lynch will lead the Buffalo running game, using his bruising style to hit and run all over the porous Oakland run-D.

Winner: Southern Toronto

Tampa Bay at Chicago

The Pirates will head into the windless city with fear in their hearts. Anytime you stare across at the line of scrimmage and see a mustachioed Kyle Orton yelling and waving his hand around, you know you're in for a world of hurt. Plus, Brian Griese's dog (alcoholism) will probably get in the way of his throwing the ball.

Winner: Chicago

Carolina at Minnesota

When your team is in a state of turmoil, it is always good to have a back up plan--a Gus Frrerrrottee plan. Watch as Gus leads this team with his winning smile and gunslinger attitude. Prediction: Frerotte has a 250 passer rating by season's end.

Winner: Carolina

Miami at New England

Seriously, we're talking about the Dolphins. I don't care who New England's fashion model/quarterback is. It's the frickin Dolphins.

Winner: New England

Cincinnati at New York

The Football Giants with Super Bowl MVP Elisha Manning (I'm not kidding) will face a vaunted Football Bengals defense. Score prediction: -7 - 3. Yes, negative points.

Winner: Football Giants

Houston at Tennessee

With Vince Young working out his depression on the sidelines, the Titans will have to make use of Kerry Collins unique scrambling abilities to really get their rush offense going.

Winner: Tennessee

Arizona at Washington

To keep Matt Leinart happy, Ken Whisenhunt has installed a hot tub on the sideline, full of co-eds and beer bongs. By the way, the Cardinals are playing way over their heads.

Winner: Warshington Native Americans

New Orleans at Denver

Okay, Hurricane Katrina is over. Nobody cares about the Saints anymore. They suck. Go Broncos.

Winner: Denver

Detroit at San Fransisco

J.T. O'Sullihair will face his old team, the Lions. Expect a defensive showdown here as these teams have two of the best (not!).

Winner: San Fran

Saint Louis at Seattle

Two teams that used to be decent, but suck now. The Seahawks do, however, have the mustache advantage with Mike Holmgren on the sideline.

Winner: Seattle

Cleveland at Baltimore

Brady Quinn gay-bashing the Ravens. Ray Lewis stabbing people. Kellen Winslow doing military exercises. Joe Flacco using the power of the unibrow. This is too easy.

Winner: Baltimore

Jacksonville at Indianapolis

Peyton Manning led the Colts to an inspiring 4th quarter comeback and sports media, as a whole, promptly got an erection. Seriously, Peyton needs more press, guys. With all the piped in crowd noise, Jacksonville will be screwed.

Winner: Indianapolis

Pittsburgh at Philadelphia

This could be a wild offensive showdown with a wildly underrated team (Pitt) and a wildly overrated team (Phil). As long as Roethlisderper doesn't get in a motorcycle crash on the way to the game the Steely McBeams will do fine

Winner: Steely McBeams

Dallas at Green Bay

How will Tony Romo handle the cold tundra of Brett Favre City? Is Aaron Rodgers for real? Will John Madden say something stupid on the air? So many questions to be answered.

Winner: Dallas

New York at San Diego

The new edition of Brett Favre will have a game of interracial touch football in Wrangler jeans with several Labradors around. Knowing ESPN, they'll probably televise it.

Winner: San Diego