Broncos capitalized with several exclamation points as such: BRONCOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So triumphant you are, Mr. Elway.

Well, I decided to take a short break from writing my screenplay--it's called Elway Vs. Predator. It's basically about John Elway saving the country of Armenia from an onslaught of vicious predators. He has to take on about 20 of them with only his awesomely tubular super powers. Right now, he can shoot lightning from his eyes, fart-fly (fly through air using the power of his farts as a propelling mechanism), and, obviously, throw footballs with such velocity that they explode predators upon impact. But I am open to suggestions, so let me know if you've got any good ones. I was trying to get Robert Altman to direct, but unfortunately he died. Now I'm thinking maybe Spike Lee or Roland Emmerich--to write a quick post. Remember from before? My many English teachers have taught me over the years that the hallmark of a truly effective sentence is a long, hyphenated, tangential interlude, strewn with adjectives, and commas, that causes the audience to completely forget what you were talking about in the first place. They also taught me that every sentence should have at least thirty words. That was a bad sentence. So was that. And that. Etcetera. Now that I have sufficiently bored and confused you, I'll get to the actual post...

Go Broncos.

Even though the Rockies are playing kinda ok lately, and the Broncos season doesn't start for two months, and the Broncos kinda bloweded last year, and some other reason, I've kinda got Broncos fever. In fact, I got an orange nose bleed this morning. Maybe I should see a doctor.

OTAs, workouts, and mini camp have begun hopefully. Well, I guess only the actual Broncos, maybe some coaches, and me have hope for the Broncos new season. They have several million dollars of hope in Ryan Clady. He scored a magnificent 13 on the Wonderlic, which is borderline illiterate. Hooray for America--the country where dumb people can get rich too. If there were commercials to celebrate America's amazing freedom, I feel I'm most qualified to write the slogans. Hey, Toby Keith has commercials to celebrate America's amazing freedom. He calls them "music videos" for some reason. I'm going to give that guy a call.

Today is National Tangents in Blog Posting Day, so I feel I must celebrate in my own little way. That was a tangent about tangents--so meta.

What was I talking about? Hope? Yeah, I think the Broncos are going to have a winning season. The defense is a huge question mark. But, the offense could be gosh darn good. Shucky dang darn good. Jay Cutler is good, I swear. He may not have shown it yet, but he has a monster lurking inside of him--the kind of monster with 30+ touchdowns. Selvin Young is stuck of the realness. He be dah infamous. Though, I'm pretty sure he doesn't murder people on Queens Bridge-- at least not officially. If he were, the Bengals would have already traded for him(cheap joke, I know). And Ryan Clady may not do good at book-learning and word-papers, but he look like he do good on football field. Plus, outside of last year, the Broncos have always had a stellar offensive line. Yes, last year's offensive line was, well, offensive, but I think Michael of Shanahan and Rick Dennison will whip them into shape. Now whip it. Into shape. Shape it up. Shanny is widely known to be a huge Devo fan (at least in the fantasy world inside my head). When the Broncos won the Super Bowl for the first time, he ended his rousing half-time speech with: "Question: Are we not men? Answer: We are Broncos!" And everyone screamed Broncos. There was also reverbed-out, instrumental guitar rock playing in the background. I know for a fact that this happened; I was there (in the fantasy world in my head).

Dear Broncos,
Claw with your fingernails for that inch, because when you add up all those inches that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing; between living and dieing.
Sincerely,
Your most convoluted, tangential fan