Musings on a Lost Season

We get it, Rockies. You're hilarious. I know you're just doing this to perfect your comedic timing and stage presence. You're like that guy at a party who puts the lampshade over his head trying to easily amuse the drunks still staying awake to watch you. Grounding into double plays every inning? Comic genius. Not touching second base on an easy double play ball? Priceless. Chucking throws from second base into the stands? Where do you come up with this stuff? Dane Cook must be writing your jokes because you guys are simply the living end. Here's a few quick thoughts on the last few days worth of worthless efforts by the Rockies.

1) Who the f@#$ does Ramon Ramirez think he is? Was throwing behind Jorv twice really that frickin necessary? Unless he was trying to spur the Rockies onto victory/"light the pilot light" as Clint Hurdle so inexplicably put it, he's just a douchebag who doesn't deserve to hold a jockstrap for anyone on our ballclub (and that's saying something right there.)

2) Can anybody hit?

3) Can anybody field?

4) I love Todd Helton almost as much as I love John Elway but can we please move him somewhere else in the batting order? 2nd would be a prime position since he gets on base a lot and will get a lot more fastballs hitting in front of Big Daddy. Of course, you don't want your number 2 hitter making $16 million a season.

5) Can anybody pitch?

6) Can anybody else manage?

7) As sad as it's getting for the Rockies right now they're still not mathematically eliminated from playoff contention yet. The Diamondbacks hold the division lead with a stunning 40-39 record. Jesus, does anybody want to win this thing?

8) Can anybody else own the team?

9) Can anybody else think of something we do more shittily than anybody else in baseball?

And finally...

10) Is this how they teach you to play baseball in Greeley? One has to wonder.

Go Drillers.