Dr. Eric's Lead Pipe Lock Intel Report Preview Analyst Over/Under Pig Skin Pick 'Em: Week 8

The WTF LOL Bewildering Out-of-Context Quote of the Week

This one isn't from a football player and it doesn't have to be taken out of context. It's simply yours and my favorite turner of phrase, Woodrow Paige.

On his methods of analysis and insight:
"I don't make up, pick or see the questions until I answer them, and I just answer them truthfully and without looking up stuff."

Nice, Woody. "Looking up stuff" is for amateurs. It's better to spout off some half-drunk attempt at being edgy based on your hunches. I like how he shows pride in the fact that he doesn't look things up. Also, "without looking up stuff" immediately follows "answer them truthfully." Those fragmented, maniacal ideas in that brain of his are much more "truthful" than like facts and statistics and bullshit like that. Oh, Woodrow, you never cease to amaze.

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Oakland @ Baltimore

Rookie Joe Flacco has upped his stellar performance this year by throwing his SECOND TOUCHDOWN! In only SIX games! Not only is Delaware the least boring state in the entire country, its state "university" produces unibrowed gunslingers the likes of which have never been seen. "It wasn't me it was Ray Lewis! Look it's a football, not a knife."

Winner: Baltimore

Arizona @ Carolina

What's the deal with these crazy Panthers? One week they look like the greatest team to ever saunter a football field, then the next, they look like the Buccaneers for the first 20 years of their existence. They get destroyed by Tampa Bay, an average team, and then trounce the Saints, and above average team. It makes about as much sense as hiring Norv Turner.

Winner: This week i think they'll decide to suck. So... Arizona

Tampa Bay @ Dallas

Hahahahahahahaha THE RAMS! Hahahahaha 35-14! Hahahahahahaha. Priceless.

Winner: Tampa Bay

Washington @ Detroit

Oh, Lions, what will you do next? Dan "Oh, shit, I forgot I was in the endzone" Orlovsky is basically a one man wrecking crew--and he doesn't wreck opposing defenses. Why not Drew Stanton? He was supposed to be good in college. If only God had listened to Jon Kitna's hourly, nay secondly, prayers, he would be throwing five interceptions a game and losing, like the star he is.

Winner: Washington

Buffalo @ Miami

That tricky single wing didn't ruse the Ravens. With Buffalo coming off a convincing win against the "talented" Chargers, and Trent Edwards looking more and more like an upper echelon QB, this may be tough for Chad "The Rifle" Pennington, Ricky "I swear it's a cigarette, it just smells funny" Williams, and the Miami offense.

Winner: Buffalo

Saint Louis @ New England

Leave it to the Broncos to make Sammy Morris look good. That is quite an accomplishment for the Broncos D. Now they will face some "real" competition in the Rams. Haslett for coach of the year! After a couple games! Haslett should wear a hobo hoodie just to spite Darth Vader on the other sideline.

Winner: Saint Louis. Why not?

San Diego @ New Orleans

This game is going to smash smashmouth football in the mouth. I predict three runs and 135 passes. This game will last six hours. There will be at least 80 points scored. There will be at last 1000 passing yards. There will be at least two defensive coordinators in tears at the end.

Winner: New Orleans

Kansas City @ Football Jets

I'm only 22 years old and I can't say I've been, for the entirety of my life, the borderline insane football fanatic that I am now. So, I haven't watched a great deal of football compared to some. But... I think that Tyler Thigpen might possibly be the worst quarterback to ever play a National Football League game. I also think that Brett Favre might have created the worst turnaround in fan sentiment in sports history. He has gone from being respected by nearly all (some more than others) to being a giant dickhead.

Winner: Football Jets

Atlanta @ Philadelphia

Two teams coming off a bye. Andy Reid is notorious for annihilating teams post-bye week. He is also notorious for mustaches, drug addicted gun wielding sons, choosing football over fixing his fucked up family life, and having a few too many donuts over the years.

Winner: Philadelphia

Cleveland @ Jacksonville

Braylon Edwards, what cruel game are you playing on my fantasy team? One week he scores 20 points and then the next he drops 75 passes. I should have drafted your BFF Michael Phelps. A gold medal has got to be worth some points right? Besides, Phelps is probably better at catching footballs than Braylon, because, well, everyone in the world is.

Winner: Jacksonville

Cincinnati @ Houston

Ladies and gentlemen, I present your starting running back... Cedric "The party's in my boat" Benson. I don't think the Bengals pick their players based on their football skills anymore. I think they just look at their arrest record. This year alone they have picked up at least 5 felonies and misdemeanors in Benson and Chris Henry alone. That's two Pro Bowlers by Bengals standards.

Winner: Houston

Football Giants @ Pittsburgh

Holy moly, a real game! It's rush vs. rush here as both can run the ball very well and stop the run very. It certainly won't be a "pansy" game, Mr. Polamalu. I really wish I could have heard him say that. For seriously, have you heard that guys voice. I know he hits hard, but he sure as shucks has a "pansy" voice.

Winner: Pittsburgh

Seattle @ San Fransisco

Dear Broncos, Mike Nolan is available. Maybe he's not a great head coach, but he's a great defensive coordinator and one hell of a snappy dresser. If you like your hybrid defense so much, he could probably give you some decent 3-4 schemes. Anyways... this game. God, the NFC West is horrible. Roger Goodell should just get rid of it and pretend he can't hear it when it complains.

Winner: San Fransisco

Indianapolis @ Tennessee

Attention: The TITANS are undefeated with KERRY COLLINS at quarterback. (I'm turning into the Tony Kornheiser of the blogging world) Okay, I'll stop overemphasizing stuff and give you some real analysis. Albert "The Head Stomper" Haynesworth is out of his frickin' mind. Sure Vanden Bosch and Finnegan are good, but this guy pretty much makes this defense. I don't know how much longer DT can continue as underrated as it is with this guy making most offensive lines look offensive.

Winner: Tennessee

Last Week: 8-6
Overall Record: 45-46