Anger Management Starring Adam Sandler

Seriously, Tulo?

In case you were unawares, Tulo has some anger issues. Often when he strikes out, for some reason he thinks it is the ground's fault, because he takes his bat and hits the shucks out of the ground. Maybe he confuses the ground with the ball. After all, Tulo isn't renowned for his intellectual prowess. Tulo's response on what he learned from bat'splosiongate 08 (yes, you can add -gate to any kind of shifty goings-on and don't talk to me about any frickin' hotel names, okay? I will not have a suffixgate on my hands): "I need to control myself better and not, you know, pound the bat into the ground." Poetry, thy name is Troy Tulowitzki. With that kind of elocution, Troy should soon surpass Rube Baker as the major league leader in eloquence.

Point of clarification: Tulo got pissed because of his poor performance and slammed his bat on the tunnel floor. Upon impact, the bat 'splosioned in his hand and sliced it up pretty well. After 16 stitches, he'll be out for a couple weeks.

As far as stupid injuries go, this is pretty high up. It could join the likes of Joel Zumaya playing too much Guitar Hero and Milton Bradley falling awkwardly and tearing his ACL after his manager pulled him away from an umpire. According to basically all Rockies media coverage, Tulo is a "gamer" and values wins over everything else. They hate to lose. Gamers hate losing more than Jim Tressel hates sweater sleeves. I guess Tulo's anger at the Rockies' patheticness is understandable and a bat 'splosion is totally random, but still. Tulo should have at least injured himself fighting a grizzly bear or something.

SAT time:
Tulo:Hand Injuries::Steve Phillips:________
a) Baseball Analysis
b) General Managing
c) Color Commentating

Answer that is unfortunately right side up, since I can't type upside down: All of the above because they are all stupid trainwrecks that should not exist.

They say the Lord works in mysterious ways and I'm not really sure what John Elway was doing here by 'splosioning the bat. Maybe he was teaching Tulo to control his anger, I don't know.