Rox First Half Recap (What the F#$% happened?)

Here we are at the All-Star break. Yep, it's already that time and as Rockies fans, the team is in a place we are so unfortunately accustomed to seeing them. While Rocktober faded, the Rockies incredible run to the World Series gave us a winter of content rather than, well, dis-content. But as Rockpril turned to Rock-ay which gave way to a rocky Rock-une, Rockies fans slowly came to the sad realization that while inexplicably magical, the famed postseason run was a once in a lifetime, lightning-in-a-bottle kind of experience. There are many culprits that can be blamed for the Rocks woes all the way from the front office down to the equipment the players use (there's a rumor a bat tried to murder Troy Tulowitzki. Luckily he escaped with only a minor cut on his hand.) For your viewing pleasure, I will now handicap the Rockies season player by player with a few short sentences, no doubt relieving those of you reading whose attention spans can be measured in nanoseconds (thank you, Ernest Borgnine.)

Willy Taveras (.247 avg, 1 hr, 18 rbi, 39 steals, .296 on base percentage)
- Though his steals lead the Major Leagues, when you're a leadoff hitter getting on base is kinda sorta important occasionally. .296 just aint' gettin r dun. He's just keeping the centerfield spot warm for Dexter Fowler.

Troy Tulowitzki (.166, 3, 16, .246 obp)
- Troy's play thus far this season has been about as good as his acting. If you've seen him in any commercials, you know how pitiful that is. Though his injuries haven't helped (self inflicted or not) it's been incredibly painful to watch Tulo struggle through the season. He looks more Culo than Tulo at times.

Matt Holliday (.337, 14, 51, .421, .553 slugging %)
- One of the few bright spots on an otherwise dismal team. Made his 3rd consecutive All Star Game and knocked a dinger in the process. I'm going to miss him when he gets traded to a team that can actually pay for his type of talent.

Todd Helton (.266, 7, 29, .393)
- Is and will always will be my favorite player of all time, but chronic back injuries have finally caught up with him. Won't ever match his previous power numbers again, and sadly might not be able to make a full recovery. Only time will tell and I hope to Elway that he returns healthy and productive.

Garrett Atkins (.304, 14, 54, .341)
- Having another consistently good season. His numbers were probably good enough to merit an All-Star berth but his position is so stacked that it would be tough to crack the roster. Wanted in 27 states for murdering left handed pitching at a .461 clip.

Brad Hawpe (.252, 14, 40)
- Will always be one of the most consistently inconsistent players in baseball. He can go for a week where he hits 7 home runs and follow it with a week where he strikes out 16 times. But man when he gets hot...

Chris Iannetta (.274, 9, 34)
- Finally living up to the number 1 catcher potential he displayed throughout the minor leagues. Hitting for power and a decent average while garnering more playing time from Skip Hurdle. Hopefully they'll get rid of Yorvit and give the reins solely to Chris.

(Insert Second Baseman Here)
- Baker got hot for a while and is having a decent go at it, Barmes has cooled off considerably since coming off the DL, Ian Stewart was last seen swinging a piece of swiss cheese instead of his normal wooden bat, Jayson Nix.......naw, it's too easy.

Ok, so I didn't realize how much time this was going to take. I got through most of the lineup. Spilly's also good too which of course means he's on the disabled list. Oh cruel fate, how you mock us Rockies fans.