Puttin' your weight into it

So, the other day whilst pondering the meaning of James Joyce's use of an amalgamation of several different languages and dialects in Finnegans Wake, I thought of a brand new baseball statistic (I also realized that Joyce's meaning was basically that the Broncos are totally awesome (his words)). The aforementioned stat that I thought of related to the ratio of slugging percentage to weight. In other words, do fat guys hit more home runs than skinny guys? Logic says they do, but I want to see if the stats back it up. So my statistic shall hereby be known as Prince Fielding percentage. The formula for it is simply: (slugging percentage/listed weight) x 100. It basically figures out who gets the most out of their weight, which should allude to whether or not the lardos hit more dingers. Without further ado...

The Top 5 (Qualified) Sluggers in Baseball:

1. Lance Berkman
Slugging Percentage: .690
Listed Weight: 220 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .314

2. Albert Pujols
Slugging Percentage: .640
Listed Weight: 230 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .278

3. Chipper Jones
Slugging Percentage: .630
Listed Weight: 210 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .300

4. Dan Uggla
Slugging Percentage: .620
Listed Weight: 200 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .310

5. Milton Bradley
Slugging Percentage: .615
Listed Weight: 225 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .273

The Bottom 5 (Qualified) Sluggers in Baseball:

1. Jason Bartlett
Slugging Percentage: .282
Listed Weight: 185 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .152

2. Willy Taveras
Slugging Percentage: .305
Listed Weight: 160 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .191

3. Michael Bourn
Slugging Percentage: .311
Listed Weight: 180 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .173

4. Marco Scutaro
Slugging Percentage: .316
Listed Weight: 185 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .171

5. Juan Pierre
Slugging Percentage: .318
Listed Weight: 180 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .177

For the Heck of It:

Frank Thomas' Career
Slugging Percentage: .558
Listed Weight: 275 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .203

Ryan Howard's Career
Slugging Percentage: .584
Listed Weight: 255 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .229

Prince Fielder's Career
Slugging Percentage: .535
Listed Weight: 270 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .198

Alfonso Soriano's Career
Slugging Percentage: .518
Listed Weight: 180 lbs
Prince Fielding Percentage: .288

So... conclusions? Well, as you can see, all of the top five sluggers are 200+ pounds, while all the bottom five sluggers are 185- pounds. There appears to be a correlation there. Some players get more extra base hits per pound--Berkman and Uggla. Yes, it's small sample size being only half of a season. The career numbers I added at the end show the monsters 250+ don't seem to hit in a more amplified manner than a 220-pounder. Soriano is also an anomaly in that he weighs very little and hits the ball very hard--his career Prince Fielding Percentage is a very good .288. Prince Fielder himself doesn't seem to get as much as he could out of that gargantuan 270 pound frame--a mere .198 PFP.

Yeah, kind of a stupid statistic to study, but I thought it yielded some interesting results. Most fat guys get a lot out of their poundage, but it is usually smaller guys like Soriano, Uggla and Manny Ramirez (career PFP .295) that get the most out of each and every pound.

For the Rockies Fans:

Matt Holliday's career PFP: .236
Todd Helton's career PFP: .273

P.S.
Joe Morgan said on Sunday Night Baseball that Kenny Williams made the Scott Podesednik, shitty Vizcaino and retired career minor leaguer for Carlos Lee trade in order to get the White Sox more offense. Kind of off topic, but seriously, how in the name of John Elway does Podsednik increase your offense over Carlos Lee. Podsednik would have to get on base more often and steal 200 bases without ever getting caught (including stealing home many, many times) for that to make sense at all. Thanks, Joe Morgan.

Musings on a Lost Season

We get it, Rockies. You're hilarious. I know you're just doing this to perfect your comedic timing and stage presence. You're like that guy at a party who puts the lampshade over his head trying to easily amuse the drunks still staying awake to watch you. Grounding into double plays every inning? Comic genius. Not touching second base on an easy double play ball? Priceless. Chucking throws from second base into the stands? Where do you come up with this stuff? Dane Cook must be writing your jokes because you guys are simply the living end. Here's a few quick thoughts on the last few days worth of worthless efforts by the Rockies.

1) Who the f@#$ does Ramon Ramirez think he is? Was throwing behind Jorv twice really that frickin necessary? Unless he was trying to spur the Rockies onto victory/"light the pilot light" as Clint Hurdle so inexplicably put it, he's just a douchebag who doesn't deserve to hold a jockstrap for anyone on our ballclub (and that's saying something right there.)

2) Can anybody hit?

3) Can anybody field?

4) I love Todd Helton almost as much as I love John Elway but can we please move him somewhere else in the batting order? 2nd would be a prime position since he gets on base a lot and will get a lot more fastballs hitting in front of Big Daddy. Of course, you don't want your number 2 hitter making $16 million a season.

5) Can anybody pitch?

6) Can anybody else manage?

7) As sad as it's getting for the Rockies right now they're still not mathematically eliminated from playoff contention yet. The Diamondbacks hold the division lead with a stunning 40-39 record. Jesus, does anybody want to win this thing?

8) Can anybody else own the team?

9) Can anybody else think of something we do more shittily than anybody else in baseball?

And finally...

10) Is this how they teach you to play baseball in Greeley? One has to wonder.

Go Drillers.

Comeback 2: Electric Boogaloo

This is the part in the 80's movie where it looks like it's over for the Rockies. Like Lorenzo Lamas as Chilly D, they've lost all of their friends from the Body Rock Crew because they became too big of a hot shot and they no longer have a job at a fancy club because they punched the owner when the owner tried to make out with them, and Lorenzo doesn't swing that way. It's time for the Rockies to win back their friends with heart-warming apologies so that there can be a montage where they get ready for the big dance/performance/competition/etcetera. If all goes well, it can end with a triumphant freeze frame.

It is the pathos of the 80's movie. Everything must look down and out, so that when they win in the end, it is all the better.

So far it has been one crazy summer for the Rockies. First they played like crap. Then they looked like they were running on a Ferrari engine. Now, the Royals and that mean Beckersted family have crushed the Rockies and Hoops McCann's dreams. We're talking about the Royals here--they're like the France of baseball, minus the culture. Yet, they keep robbing the Rockies of their precious hopes and dreams. It is totally not funky fresh, choice, or mint. The season is looking less and less salvageable with each and every loss to the Royals.

Come on, Rockies. Let's see that montage. Crank up the Joe Esposito and show us hit after hit, strikeout after strikeout, players learning from their mistakes and seeing the team win because of it. Maybe you need a biker kid from Bad News Bears or a Mexican kid from The Big Green. So those movies were from the 70's and 90's respectively, the principle remains--the Rockies are in the down part of the movie (usually 50-70 minutes in) and the must make their exultant comeback and triumph over the Nazis! Wait, I mean triumph over the rest of the baseball! Then, they can celebrate their glory by lifting that trophy up into the air, while the loudspeakers sing, "You're the best! Around! Nothing's gonna ever keep you down!" And... freeze frame.

That's my script for the 2008 80's Rockies season. Likely? No. Possible? No. Maybe? Yes.

Rox Recap 6/23/08 (Great. We're in....Kansas)

The Rockies and Interleague play usually go together like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong. Going into a series with the 34-43 Kansas City Royals, it was looking up for the recently rollin' Rockies. What was the tagline of those old Hertz commercials? Not exactly? Instead of keeping with the theme of success against the American League, the Rockies met their match in a frustratingly unfortunate manner. After being unable to stomach watching most of the game after the 4 run first inning, Eric and I flipped back and forth between the new American Gladiators. Then after giving up 2 more quick runs after finally starting to claw their way back in the top of the 5th, we decided instead to go mini golfing at the Hylands Adventure Land (also known as Anthony's Idea of Heaven) here in Broomfield. Seeing the final score when we returned wasn't just unfortunate, it was expected.

1) Jeff Francis added to his first inning awesomeness that has befallen his 2008 season by giving up another 4 runs, 3 with 2 outs. In 16 first innings this year, Francis has now given up 19 runs. When a team struggles to score runs, especially in the clutch, it's not very advantageous to be in a hole right out of the gate. After a decent run of quality starts, Francis has now nearly completed his total fall from grace (Jessie Spano style) and is now 3-7 on the season. Not exactly what you'd expect from a guy who's won 45 games the past 3 seasons.

2) It's pretty incredible to see what a snakebitten team looks like. No matter what the hell they do or how likely it seems they will score in a given inning, the Rockies will impossibly fine some way to bungle the job. Not 1 of any of Brian Bannister's career-high 6 walks came around to score, exemplified perfectly by the top of the 2nd inning. Two walks to Jerry and Hawper, a passed ball gets them to 2nd and 3rd with nobody out. If Tulo were to do practically anything but ground back to the pitcher, we get a run in and some of the momentum back from the Royals' four run first. Instead Tulo strikes out swinging. A walk to Iannetta loads the bases for newly healthy Clint Barmes who subsequently grounds into the 1-2-3 double play, ending the inning without a single Rockie crossing the plate. Then in the 5th with first and third and no out, Willy T comes to the plate. We couldn't not score again right? Wrong. Bill scorched the ball to third, Alex Gordon made a nice pickup and Iannetta was left in no-man's land. He was tagged out and Willy inexplicably didn't make much of an attempt to run to first on a ball he could've easily beat out. With Shake and Bake's RBI single immediately after and Matty's first home run after his stint on the DL, we still mustered a 3 run inning which could've easily been 4 or 5, swinging the pendulum of momentum the way of the Rockies.

Coming into the game the Royals and Rockies had identical 9-3 records in Interleague play, but the Rockies are going to have to figure out how to score runs when they are presented with opportunities if they're ever going to play competitive games into August and September.

Go Sky Sox.

Broncos capitalized with several exclamation points as such: BRONCOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So triumphant you are, Mr. Elway.

Well, I decided to take a short break from writing my screenplay--it's called Elway Vs. Predator. It's basically about John Elway saving the country of Armenia from an onslaught of vicious predators. He has to take on about 20 of them with only his awesomely tubular super powers. Right now, he can shoot lightning from his eyes, fart-fly (fly through air using the power of his farts as a propelling mechanism), and, obviously, throw footballs with such velocity that they explode predators upon impact. But I am open to suggestions, so let me know if you've got any good ones. I was trying to get Robert Altman to direct, but unfortunately he died. Now I'm thinking maybe Spike Lee or Roland Emmerich--to write a quick post. Remember from before? My many English teachers have taught me over the years that the hallmark of a truly effective sentence is a long, hyphenated, tangential interlude, strewn with adjectives, and commas, that causes the audience to completely forget what you were talking about in the first place. They also taught me that every sentence should have at least thirty words. That was a bad sentence. So was that. And that. Etcetera. Now that I have sufficiently bored and confused you, I'll get to the actual post...

Go Broncos.

Even though the Rockies are playing kinda ok lately, and the Broncos season doesn't start for two months, and the Broncos kinda bloweded last year, and some other reason, I've kinda got Broncos fever. In fact, I got an orange nose bleed this morning. Maybe I should see a doctor.

OTAs, workouts, and mini camp have begun hopefully. Well, I guess only the actual Broncos, maybe some coaches, and me have hope for the Broncos new season. They have several million dollars of hope in Ryan Clady. He scored a magnificent 13 on the Wonderlic, which is borderline illiterate. Hooray for America--the country where dumb people can get rich too. If there were commercials to celebrate America's amazing freedom, I feel I'm most qualified to write the slogans. Hey, Toby Keith has commercials to celebrate America's amazing freedom. He calls them "music videos" for some reason. I'm going to give that guy a call.

Today is National Tangents in Blog Posting Day, so I feel I must celebrate in my own little way. That was a tangent about tangents--so meta.

What was I talking about? Hope? Yeah, I think the Broncos are going to have a winning season. The defense is a huge question mark. But, the offense could be gosh darn good. Shucky dang darn good. Jay Cutler is good, I swear. He may not have shown it yet, but he has a monster lurking inside of him--the kind of monster with 30+ touchdowns. Selvin Young is stuck of the realness. He be dah infamous. Though, I'm pretty sure he doesn't murder people on Queens Bridge-- at least not officially. If he were, the Bengals would have already traded for him(cheap joke, I know). And Ryan Clady may not do good at book-learning and word-papers, but he look like he do good on football field. Plus, outside of last year, the Broncos have always had a stellar offensive line. Yes, last year's offensive line was, well, offensive, but I think Michael of Shanahan and Rick Dennison will whip them into shape. Now whip it. Into shape. Shape it up. Shanny is widely known to be a huge Devo fan (at least in the fantasy world inside my head). When the Broncos won the Super Bowl for the first time, he ended his rousing half-time speech with: "Question: Are we not men? Answer: We are Broncos!" And everyone screamed Broncos. There was also reverbed-out, instrumental guitar rock playing in the background. I know for a fact that this happened; I was there (in the fantasy world in my head).

Dear Broncos,
Claw with your fingernails for that inch, because when you add up all those inches that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing; between living and dieing.
Sincerely,
Your most convoluted, tangential fan

Rox Recap 6/19/08 (Out of the Cellar, Into Your Hearts)

In a series where, as a fan, I couldn't possibly lose, somehow as the final swing of the bat whooshed through the Brian Fuentes fastball, I felt kinda bad for my Wahoo Warriors. After all, I was born an Indians fan because of my mom and became a Rockies fan once the city of Denver (and for me, the Rocky Mountain region) were blessed with a lovable team of misfits with our own Walter Matthau as coach in the form of Don Baylor. The Indians were completely outmatched in this series by the Rockies though with the injuries to their team just as all of our injured stars are returning to the field of action, it's not as shameful as the final stats would lead you to believe. But hey, the Rockies finally finished off an opponent after taking the first two games of a series for their first sweep of the season. It couldn't have come at a better time as the Rox finally climbed their way out of the cellar in the National League West thanks to a journeyman starter and a utility infielder finally living up to his offensive potential.

1) Jeff Baker went all Highlander on us, proving to us that there can be only one hero of this series. Kobe Bryant ain't got shit on this guy's clutchness. All Baker did was go 5-12 (.416) in the series, scored 6 runs, drove in 4, blasted 3 home runs including an inside-the-park job, and also stole his first base of the season. Pretty much the only thing he didn't do was get on the jumbotron, tell everyone in attendance to look under their seat where they would find envelopes that held keys to a brand new Nissan Sentra. He's got to be thinking, if it's this easy to hit American League pitching, he signed on with the wrong team. Though his playing time will most certainly be cut when Tulo and Barmes come back from the DL, we've got 6 games next week in American League ballparks where he can DH to his heart's content. For now, he's just ridin' the wave i.e. doing his best Keanu impression.

2) Who's this George of the Rose/Pink guy? Since when was he able to start rockin k's like Randy Johnson? Regardless of who he is and where he came from, Jorge de la Rosa is starting to make a believer out of the Rockies faithful. Of course, he's got a long way to go to regain the trust of at least the two of us here at Frost Brewed Baseball. I mean, some of you bandwagoners might have only tuned in for the last few weeks of games, but we remember his, let's just say, forgettable performances earlier in the year. After his much deserved banishment to the bullpen Rosie has not been the same guy since his spot start last Saturday in Chicago where he struck out 8 in 5 innings. Today, he gave up 3 runs in 6 innings and struck out a career-high 10. His breaking pitches, namely his looping curveball and frisbee slider beautifully complemented his low 90s fastball and swooping changeup. I don't know what clicked for him, but I could care less as long as he continues this marvelous streak of strikeouts and quality outings.

As sad as I am for my Tribe, seeing the Rockies accomplish something they hadn't done all year was a wonderful way to send us into the summer solstice. As the natural disaster known as Hurricane Nymets blows into Denver the big story is that Troy Tulowitzki could possibly be activated from the disabled list and could be starting at his familiar shortstop position tomorrow night. Let's hope he puts on his nicest Derek Jeter cologne and reverts to his 2007 form.

Go Nuts.

Rox Recap 6/18/08 (The Series Where I Can't Possibly Lose)

You gettin on this train? The Rockies are rollin down the track, comin to your cities, sleepin with your daughters, huntin your big game animals, and drinkin all your Yoo-Hoo and Coors...all the while still findin the time to win baseball games. Alright, enough with the Wyoming dialect (that's taking g's off the end of words. I know, it's weird, but there's only so many of us.) With the 4-2 victory over my Tribe tonight, the Rocko's have now won 5 straight series (for the sake of brevity I won't count the series they technically won against the Braves in April that was just concluded with Monday night's makeup game...so much for brevity.) You have to wonder what gives, but really the Rockies are winning games how they should be: solid starting pitching, occasional timely hitting, the longball, and a lights-out bullpen. The Rox have now won 10 of 14, own the best record in June in the National League and also the best record in Interleague play for said league. League. Though some questions about playing time and roster spots will soon need to be dealt with with Tulo and Grimesy set to come off the DL as early as Friday, dare I say it's almost fun to watch the Rockies right now? Ew, I feel dirty.

1) The Rockies and the Indians are almost identical teams this season. I should know because I follow both with the fervor of a 13 year old girl at a Jonas Brothers concert. They both had their seasons ended by the Jerk Sox last year, were both loaded with expectations and World Series aspirations at the beginning of the season but were quickly cut down by ineffectiveness, underachieving, no clutch hitting, poor starting pitching, a shaky bullpen, and the injury bug. The Rockies had Big Daddy, Tulo, Barmes, and Hawpe all hit the DL around the same time and the Indians now sport a star-studded injury report including Travis Hafner, Victor Martinez, Fausto Carmona, and Jake Westbrook. Though Grady Sizemore has picked up some of the slack since the team turned into the Buffalo Bisons (redundant I know), his boyish good looks and legion of female fans could only do so much to help the Tribe win. That being said, the Rockies could care less if Victor Hugo were on the disabled list because they're just out there to win a ballgame. They don't have time to feel sorry for the Tribe because no one took it easy on them when they were fielding a AAA team.

2) One guy who's going to have his playing time cut considerably with the return of Tulo and Barmes is Jeff Baker and right now he's playing like he knows tomorrow is Independence Day and Will Smith just went on vacation. In the last week or so he's raised his average from a paltry .220 to .276 and is finally starting to hit with the power he promised in September of 2006 when he hit .368 with 5 home runs and 21 rbis in just 22 games. He homered for the second straight game, this one finished with a lighter jog around the bases as opposed to his inside-the-Sarah-Jessica-Parker (otherwise known as the Matthew Broderick) on Tuesday. The Rockies are also 9-2 in his last 11 starts at second base. It's hard to imagine taking his bat out of the lineup right now and Skip Hurdle is going to have some decisions to make very soon.

3) Has the perfect storm passed for Jeff Francis in 2008? Though he has only 3 wins this year compared to 6 losses, it's not like he was just a one year wonder. In his first three seasons he won 14, 14, and 17 games. Not exactly fluke-worthy. It was only a matter of time before he remembered that he actually got Cy Young Award votes last year and began pitching like an ace. In his last four starts, the Franchise is 2-1 with a 2.88 ERA and tonight threw 6 solid innings, only surrendering 5 hits, 2 runs (1 earned) and did not walk a batter. If we can get Jeff on board with Cookie pitching the way he is, we could have the top of the rotation Rockies fans have dreamed was possible the past few seasons.

4) Taylor Buchholz has been so disgustingly effective this season, he's leading the Major Leagues in pitches per inning, all while maintaining a near spotless 1.47 ERA. He came into the game averaging 12.4 pitches per inning. In his 3 outs of work tonight? 13 pitches. There's something to be said for consistency...

As much as I feel bad for my Tribe at the pounding they've taken from my Rockies this series, it sure is nice to see the home team start to put it together. They're impossibly only 8 games behind the Diamondbacks for first place and finally won their 30th game of the season making their record a sterling 30-42. If the Rockies were an American League team, they'd win the World Series every year. Think about it. Maybe Hank Steinbrenner is right. Just make every team an American League team, so baseball could have even less to do with strategy and more in common with Blurnball.

Go Powell Pioneers.

Let's just pick one a stick with it for frickin' heck's sake

Well, with all this crazy interleague action going on, the DH question rises from the murky waters like Martin Sheen. Surprise, surprise, Hank Steinbrenner, ever the silent, throws in his two gagillian cents. His poor little Wang got hurt (sorry, that might have been a bit too easy). I wonder if Hanky Panky cares about what he says or if he only cares that he is heard--that mouth of his often has his foot in it.

Anyways... DH. I think we can all agree that no matter what, both leagues should have the same rules. This DH/no DH dealie has messed with a lot of World Series and a lot of interleague games. There should either be a DH or there should not be a DH. Both are better than this split crap, right?

Both sides have their merit (as always). Let's do it the Native American way and go by seniority. Since the NL is the senior circuit, perhaps they should have priority. Having the pitcher hit seems to be the most true to the game option. If the pitcher is a real baseball player, like the other eight chaps out there, he should be hitting. Likewise, if that overweight DH calls himself a baseball player, he should be out there fielding. Gold Glover Rafael Palmeiro did it. The argument makes perfect sense. If you are going to play baseball, you should play it in its entirety. The problem is...

...however, that despite being called America's past-time, football and basketball generally get more viewers. Football isn't even close. Last year's Super Bowl had almost ten times as many viewers as the World Series (averaged). Now, I know revenue has been increasing steadily over the years, but TV ratings are actually going down. That means lots of people are buying funky fresh New Era hats and going to games, but people still aren't interested in watching baseball.

The DH increases TV ratings. I base that not on any sort of tangible statistics, but only on my own logic. Flimsy? Yes. But doesn't it make sense? Wouldn't the casual fan much rather watch David Ortiz bat than Byung-hyun Kim? Question? ?

Yes, I think pitchers should hit. But I also think that baseball should increase its fan base. Baseball is notoriously boring (if you don't get it). No DH just makes it not no more boringer. The DH also makes team-building and the formation of lineups more interesting. On the other hand, it makes it so there is less strategy. Poor Tony La Russa won't be able to make all of those crazy, useless lineup switches and pitching changes. Tear. It's not like a DH every stopped Ozzie Guillen from overloading his players with stolen bases, hit and runs, bunts and anything that qualifies as his so-called "smart" ball; or more accurately "idiot" ball.

I'm sure plenty of people disagree with me. Everybody playing the game in its entirety may be more important than TV ratings. I guess that's opinion. I think everyone should play all aspects of the game, but at the same time, I, and most viewers, would rather see some unathletic, fat dude hit a 450-foot homer than watch a pitcher fall over trying to swing at a breaking ball. Plus, there are people that absolutely do not belong in the field--Jose Canseco, Jack Cust, Ryan Howard, Prince Fielder, etc.

For the love of John Elway, let's at least get on the same page, though. DH or no DH, pick one for both leagues and stick with it.

Rox Recap 6/16/08 (The Return of Four-balldo)

It was only a makeup game of an April snowout against the Atlanta Braves, but the only thing the Rockies made up was an excuse for their play on this forgettable evening. Though technically the Rockies have now won 5 consecutive series since they took the first three from these Braves in April, this game was nothing to sneeze at...maybe just spit on.

1) Ubaldo Jimenez took a huge step back in his evolution from inexperienced thrower to effective Major League pitcher. His last few starts have given glimpses of the Ubaldo we all believe he can be. He has three wicked pitches, can touch 100 mph on the radar gun with his fastball, and can make even the best hitters in baseball look like Little Leaguers (just ask Albert Pujols and Chipper Jones), but until he can consistently string together quality starts and keep his pitch count under triple digits through the first 5 innings, he's just going to be another Coors Field casualty who fails to live up to his limitless potential. His last start he matched phenomenal rookie Tim Lincecum pitch for pitch in throwing 7 shutout innings in what would eventually turn out to be a Rockies 1-0 win. Tonight was more like Ubaldo's Phantom Menace to his last start's Empire Strikes Back. Through 5 uneven innings and 110 pitches, Ubaldo racked up 7 strikeouts, but also walked 5. He tightroped out of danger through the first four innings but couldn't navigate the mine field in the fifth. Though Ubaldo has the 3rd worst run support in the National League his stats don't lie. His won-loss record still stands at 1-7, his ERA is still 4.85, and he still cannot command the strike zone consistently.

2) Ian K Stewart sure is living up to his middle name. Not Kenneth of course but K for striKeout. In 54 at bats this season Ian has struck out a mind-boggling 28 times. That's 1.6 times a game for all you math wizards out there. Though he has prodigious power as evidenced by his triple deck shot a couple weeks ago against the Brew Crew and his second base defense is all the more impressive considering he's never played the position before, he may be proving that he lacks the ability to adjust to Major League pitching as he continues to chase high fastballs and breaking balls in the dirt with the regularity of the changing tides. I love the kid and want him to do well but right now it just isn't happening, much like M. Night Shamalamadingdong's movie of the same name.

3) If I had a nickel for every time the Rockies' hitters swung at a pitch way out of the strike zone then watched a belt high fastball cross right over the middle of the plate for strike three, I'd have a shitload of nickels.

My second favorite team, the Cleveland Indians (my mom was born in Cleveland and got me hooked at a very early age...and in the Indians' defense, they were there first before the Rockies) are coming to town for a three game set. Though this should have been the World Series matchup last season thus confirming my existence on this here earth, now it's just a showdown of two banged-up underachieving teams who are both playing better baseball as of late. With Travis Hafner, Victor Martinez, Jake Westbrook, and Fausto Carmona on the DL, the Tribe looks like the Rockies circa June 1. We're fortunate to miss CC Sabathia and Cliff Lee for this series so we might be able to steal a couple games. Just don't pitch to Grady Sizemore right now (9 home runs in his last 15 games.)

Rox Weekend Recap (As the great philosopher Meatloaf once said: Two outta three ain't bad)

It may not be pretty and it sure as hell isn't fun to watch, but the Rockies have slowly begun to turn their lost season around. A 5-3 win over the Pale Hosers from Chicago today gave them another series win, their fourth in a row, and some much needed confidence going into a 7 game homestand. The Rox have now won 8 of 11 and are on the precipice of respectability in the National League. Hell, they're only 8.5 games back of the D-Bags if that's any indication how impossibly pathetic the NL West is. Until they are mathematically eliminated (it was going to be around mid-July, but now it's looking more like late August), these guys are going to gut it out until the bitter end.

1) Only the Rockies can slug 4 home runs in 1 game and lose then come back the next night and not record a single RBI and win. That's not something you see every day. In Friday's ballgame in which they lost 5-4, they tallied 5 hits including those 4 solo homers (2 from Ian K, 1 from Willy T, and another from Bradley H.) I'm still not sure how it's possible to do that and still lose, but leave it to the Rockies to find new ways to come up short. Saturday's game featured something different than dingers......sheer unadulterated boredom which aided the agonizing way the Rockies couldn't come up with the big hit (or even a couple little ones here and there.) As a team the boys in purple went 1-15 with runners in scoring position with both runs scoring on errors by the White Sox. 1-15? To give you a clue as to how stupid that statistic is, the much maligned Willy Taveras stole 5 bases including third base 3 times...and never scored. Not once. Not even kinda. More to come. This also marked the second time in Rockies history that they won a game without tallying an RBI. The other time? That would be Wednesday's win against the Giants. In Sunday's victory the Rox responded to their own inept selves by scoring 2 runs in the first 3 batters of the game with Scott Podsednik of .234 batting average fame leading the clutch hitting charge by notching 2 rbi singles on the day. That's the beautiful thing about baseball, I guess. You never know what the hell's going to happen on any given Sunday.

2) Willy Taveras has all of a sudden turned into Willy Mays Hays. After Hurdle forced him to do 20 pushups every time he hit a ball in the air, Willy realized that he wasn't a power hitter and started doing what got him to the Major Leagues: putting the frickin' ball on the ground and running as fast as he can. In the White Sox series, Speedy Taveras hit at a .363 clip (4-11) while stealing 6 bases and scoring 2 runs (an award-worthy achievement with this team's clutch hitting.) It's no secret that Willy can run, but getting on base has been a sore spot (.294 OBP.) He was all but benched in favor of Spilly when he started to turn it on. This guy was the 2005 Rookie of the Year runner up to Ryan Howard and scored a 36 game hitting streak in 2006. He's got the skillz, it's all a matter of if he can pay the billz...or at least keep the center field seat warm until Dexter Fowler arrives in LoDo.

3) Lost in a weekend's worth of wacky events was the Rockies' solid starting pitching. In a fortuitous trend, our starters have begun to pitch like they belong in the big leagues. Francis in Friday's game pitched very well until he tired in the 7th inning and Herges came in to clear the bases of all those smelly White Sox runners. Aaron Cook threw up another ho-hum quality start that we've grown so accustomed to this season and earned his 10th win becoming only the 3rd pitcher in Rockies history to post double digit victories before the All-Star break and just the 2nd pitcher in the National League with 10+ wins next to Brandon Webb's 11. He's making a serious case to start the All-Star game though it will never happen unless he wins his final 3 starts before the break. The real pitching star of the weekend, however, was Jorge of the Rose who became the first ever man to actually catch lightning in a bottle as he racked up 8 strikeouts in his 5 innings of work while allowing only 1 hit. This coming from the guy who served as the Phillies' batting practice pitcher in his last start (the forgettable 20-5 drubbing back in May.) At the very least he should have earned himself another start because not even Glendon Rusch could top those numbers.

This is a big 7 game homestand for the Rox as they try to creep their way back into the thick of things in the NL West. Do I think the Rockies have a legitimate shot at the division? Stranger things have happened, I suppose.

Putting the Mike in Dictator (There’s a “Mike” in dictator, right? No? Screw it.)

Broncos season is creeping ever closer. With Broncos summer camp going on right now, Mike Shanahan is getting ever tanner. Soon he will be a glowing Broncos’ orange. Orange is the color of rage and fury apparently...

It has become more and more evident over the years that Mr. Shanahan rules with an iron playcalling mic. This is probably a result of him frequently being referred to as a genius (Wu Tang Clan ain't nuttin' to eff wit'). He certainly looked like a genius when he finally got Sir John of Elway to win his Super Bowl (twicely). He still looked like a genius when he put up 10+ win seasons and at least made the playoffs (even if they usually lost in first round). Then two consecutive seasons sans playoffs and Broncos country is on the verge of calling for impeachment.

How does courageous Mike respond? Well, he repeatedly says it is his fault and that he didn't get the team prepared well enough (or at least something along those lines). How sweet of him to take the blame. The only problem with Mr. Sweetie Pie himself, is that he immediately overhauls his roster and fires half of his coaches. Ted Sundquist and Jim Bates most recently got thrown under Mike Shanahan's bus. At least he hasn't gone the way of Roger Clemens and thrown his wife under the bus. Or Barry Bonds and thrown his children under the bus. Though he may publicly state otherwise, it appears Shanny believes the Broncos recent failures are the faults of others.

You have to wonder if he takes poor drafting into consideration. The last three seem to be decent (we'll see), but the years before that were a disaster. How many Broncos starters were drafted by the Broncos between 2000-2005? That would be D.J. Williams and Ben Hamilton. That's it. To be fair though, Darrent Williams might be starting if not for his unfortunate death. Of course that poor drafting was all Ted Sundquist's fault; Mike Shanahan had nothing to do with it. When, in '06, the Broncos selected three impact starters (Cutler, Marshall, Dumervil) and important role player (Scheffler), it was like totally Mike Shanahan, brah. All these other douches didn't do crap. In '07, Shanahan single-handedly chose four players (Moss, Crowder, Harris, Thomas) who look to have bright futures. Then, when the team played poorly and lacking in motivation, it was Sundquist's fault for assembling a crap team. And it was Bates' fault when he couldn't coax good performances out of Amon Gordon (he's an actual football player; no, seriously, he is) and 75-year old Sam Adams.

Obviously, I'll have to see the '08 draft class play a bit before I can make a judgment on it (though Ryan Clady will be good... WILL). But still, how many more years of Shanahan dictatorship can the Broncos take? He's a terrific offensive coordinator, but that seems to be about it. The Broncos should try and retain him as an offensive coordinator and hire a defensive coach who knows how to draft to be the head coach. Shanny might not go for it, and teams might try and hire him out from under the Broncos, but it could work with some creative salary negotiating (wink). Jay Cutler could continue his development with the same offensive scheme and he might actually have a defense that helps him out a little bit. Right now, the Broncos are heading in the wrong direction. They need a new leader who can build a defense and inspire them to play with more conviction. I don't think our formerly beloved Mike Shanahan can do that anymore.

Rox Recap 6/8/08 (Coors always prevails over Miller)

After the Rockies’ impressive four game winning streak in which they showed flashes of last September and nearly reached the level of play most critics assumed they would in 2008, the boys in purple took a bit of a step back in the final game of the 3 game set with the Brew Crew (dubbed Beerfest in my book.) Looking to sweep a team for the first time since the 3^rd week in April the Rockies fell flat on a blustery Sunday at Coors Field.

1) Jeff Francis had an uneven performance at best in laboring through 6 innings of work and throwing a whopping 112 pitches in said innings. He walked four and struck out four keeping the Brewers hitters off balance with his effectively wild use of his change and curve. I was at this game yesterday and it sure didn’t look like Jeff was feeling funky fresh, but you look at his line and he technically threw a quality start at the Beermakers (6 innings, 3 runs or less). After stumbling out of the gate giving up 3 runs in the first two innings, Francis and a trio of relievers kept the Brewers off the board the rest of the way. It’s not their fault the Rockies’ bats reverted back to their not-so-fine form of early in the year.

2) The Rockies had more chances to take the lead in this game than Nic Cage has tour de force performances in his films (see The Rock). Francis helped his own cause with an RBI single in the 2^nd, Iannetta continued his torrid hitting with an RBI single in the 6^th, but then the Rockies bats cryogenically froze up with runners in scoring position, leaving everyone in the stadium hoping they haven’t started a familiar trend. With the bases loaded and 1 out in the 7^th and Todd and Garrett coming up, Todd struck out looking on a questionable curveball and Garrett grounded out weakly to short. Then with Brad Hawpe on 3^rd and 1 out in the 8^th inning, he inexplicably tried to dash home on a ground ball back to the pitcher by Omar Quintanilla and was caught in a rundown between 3^rd and home. I’m not sure what Brad was thinking. Was there two outs? Would the ball get by the pitcher Salomon Torres? Is my wife really making me go see that Sex and the City movie? And so on. Whatever he was thinking, he was wrong and murdered the momentum the Rockies had going, leaving us in an unfortunately familiar position: on the losing end of a baseball game.

We start a 3 game set at home against the Giants on Tuesday with Cookie looking for his 9^th win of the season. The important thing is that we won a series and in order to get back to mediocrity, we’re going to have to keep doing exactly that.

Frost Brewed Draught Afternooncap

Yea, and like John Travolta before me, I’m back, but as an angel. Anthony lied in his post a few days ago out of humility. We do have a brand slapping new headquarters for Frost Brewed Baseball, but it is not in Broomfield, CO. Actually it is in a highly advanced top secret underground lair/fortress, hidden somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. With all the crazy, ridiculous computers that you could not possibly fathom without your brain imploding, we did not, in fact, install internet until yesterday. Also, my recent absence is due to the rigor of building said headquarters with only a screwdriver and a garbage bag full of recycled Coors cans. Neverthenonetheless, furthermore, and oddly enough, I shan’t be so infrequent in my posting again.

Anyways: post.

So the MLB draft was over the last few days. They showed it on TV to probably the highest ratings in the history of television—Bud Selig has charisma. Mel Kiper Jr. made a 50-round mock draft for every team in the major leagues. Miraculously, he got every pick right. The Rockies waited hopefully at the 25-spot for someone good to drop to them. Lo and behold, a highly touted southpaw did. Christian Friedrich was considered the second best lefty in the draft. If you look at the scouting reports, he doesn’t sound all that great. Though, many have compared him to the Right Honourable Jeff Francis. He apparently has a decent curve and a low 90s fastball. I’m hoping Henry Rowengartner’s mom will teach him the floater when he’s in A-ball.

In the second round, they picked up a pitcher turned outfielder named Charles Blackmon. Dan O’Dowds mental ruminations on baseball are a bigger mystery than why they actually spent millions of dollars to make You Don’t Mess With the Zohan. But come on Dan. The guy played one year as an outfielder. Sure, he did pretty well at it, but seriously that’s one year. Hell, even Morgan Ensberg had one good year and he’s unemployed.

O’Dowd also had the brazen effrontery to draft a DH all but in name. They picked up “catcher” Kiel Roling at pick 197. The guy apparently make Garrett “fankles (fat ankles)” Atkins look athletic. He can’t catch, throw or do anything in field whether it be behind the plate or at first. He sure as shit can hit though. Last year he OPSed 1114 at ASU (the bastards that stole Jack “Lil’ John” Elway away from CU).

Obviously, you can’t really judge the draft for at least a couple years. But, just for the frick of it, I’m going to give it check minus. O’Dowd though gets an E for effort and a B for balls, because he drafted some hit or miss prospects—could be good, or John VanBenschoten. We shall see Mr. O’Dowd. We shall see.

Kind of a lazy post, but I have to run off to Tulo bobblehead night at Coors Field to pretend that Tulo is playing shortstop. I’ll be back on my game next time.

Rox Recap 6/6/08 (Hawpe on Tawpe)

Sometimes while watching the Rockies, I forget what it takes to be a winning baseball team. Can you blame me? As magical as last September and Rocktober were, this season has been as gut-wrenching. Nobody has hit in the clutch (except Clint Barmes), nobody has pitched (except Aaron Cook), nobody has fielded their position (except God Helton), and nobody has seemed to care (except Yorvit). Suddenly, on the heels of an 8 game losing streak, the Rocko's have mustered a 3 game win streak due mostly to solid clutch hitting, sterling performances on the mound, and Web-Gem worthy defensive plays. Who knew that's what it takes to win baseball games?

1) On top of spoiling an impressive start from Brewers ace Ben Sheets, the Rockies finally found the LoDo Magic that has so eluded them this season. Trailing 4-1 heading into the 8th, all was lost, right? Not so fast, Mr. Negativity. The Rockies rallied to score 5 times while tallying a natural cycle as well (that's a single, double, triple, and home run in succession that the Rockies accomplished with Spilly, Todd, Garrett, and Hawper's hits). They've shown great resiliency these past few days in being able to play with a lead and come from behind in the late innings.

I know this is going to sound crazy but I've been pondering a few topics lately and have reached a startling and seemingly laughable conclusion. With our best hitters coming off the disabled list soon (Hawpe, Holliday, Barmes, Tulo), and our pitching staff finally starting to pitch to their potential (except Ubaldo), the team we have is just too damn talented to be this bad. We've played a majority of our games on the road thus far and we'll be enjoying the warmth of our own beds more often then not for the next couple of months. Also, interleague play is coming up and the Rockies have been the best team in the National League in interleague play the last three seasons. Don't commit me to the institution just yet, but here's my hypothesis: The Rockies will finish this season above .500. Just remember you heard it here on Frost Brewed Baseball first.

Go Broncos.

Rox Recap 6/3/08 (The Best Team in Basebrawl)

Hello again everyone. I’m back coming to you live from the brand spankin new headquarters of Frost Brewed Baseball here in beautiful Broomfield, Colorado, and I’ve only got one thing to say to the Rockies…FINALLY! On top of erasing our 8 game losing streak, our 13 game losing streak on the road, and keeping pace with the Seattle Mariners for the worst record in the big leagues, we finally showed some heart, some frustration, and some fight…literally in shutting out los Doyers 3-0. The disappointment of a season turned sour finally boiled over for the Rockies in the form of Yorvit Torrealba Kimbo-Slicing Matt “I wish I was Shawn” Kemp to the ground in the 8^th inning after Kemp inexplicably pushed Yorv after striking out on a pitch in the dirt. The supposedly fiery Torrealba hadn’t shown much of any kind of flame, spark, or eruption this year and no one in the Rockies camp seemed to really mind that they are nearly on pace for the dubious distinction of the worst record by a ballclub after a World Series appearance (54 wins by the 1998 Florida Marlins whose owner literally gutted the team like a fish caught for dinner (get it? Marlins…fish) after their 1997 World Series “victory” over my Cleveland Indians.) No one had publically complained to the media, no one had been seen trashing the dugout after failing to get a hit with runners in scoring position, no one had taken any baseball bats to any water coolers or gotten into fights with their underachieving teammates. We were wondering if anybody even cared at all. Now we have our answer.

1) I’ll start with the Fray in LA. In the top of the 7^th inning, Yorvit had come to bat and was buzzed with an 0-2 fastball from Cory Wade that nearly caught him in the earhole. Jorv was none the pleased as he dusted himself off. He would eventually ground out to the pitcher. Watching the game, there was a feeling that something was about to go down with Yorv, but as I said before, no one on this team had thus far shown any kind of frustration at all. After Kemp struck out on a yellow snapdragon in the dirt, the ball got away from Yorv and by baseball rule (you can look it up, this game has had rules for 150 years) Yorvit had to tag Kemp out or else he could run to first base. Now I don’t know if Kemp just forgot the rule, was pissed that he struck out on three pitches to cap off an 0-4 night, or that he just thought Yorvit’s pronunciation of the color “purple” in those Rockies commercials was offensive, but 1) he hit the ball with his bat then 2) “cow kicked” Yorvit in the facemask (thank you, George Frazier), and 3) shoved Yorvit after Yorv had tagged him out. Justifiably Yorvit was having none of these shenanigans and challenged him to fisticuffs by punching him in the neck and throwing Kemp to the ground. Kemp has a good 3 inches and 30 pounds on Yorvit too so it was all the more impressive that he was able to finish him so quickly. I came out of this brawl with a newfound respect for Yorvit because when someone pushes you like that, there’s no way you can just walk away from it like nothing happened. Good for you, Yorvit. You’re ok in my book…

2) …though I still think you shouldn’t be starting and here’s why. After Yorvit was ejected, Frost Brewed Baseball’s boy Chris Iannetta stepped to the plate to lead off the 9^th inning in Jorv’s spot and smashed the first pitch he saw off the Hollywood sign, exploding it into a million pieces which then rained fire on the hills of Los Angeles. That may be exaggerating a tad, but it was deep. What better way to send a message to the other team by kicking your ass in a fight then blasting a home run immediately after?

3) Was that Jeff Francis on the mound last night? He had his baby face, his passion for hockey, and his effective mix of three quality pitches, but this time he wasn’t getting knocked around the ballpark. In his 7 innings of work, the Franchise gave up only 4 hits (2 in the first inning), 0 runs, and tallied 5 strikeouts. If this is the shape of Jeff to come then I’m all for it because if we’re going to even make a mad dash for .500, we’re going to need him to pitch like he has the last 3 years.

I’m not calling this a turning point in our season because I’ve used it before and it’s totally cliché, like omg. But it has been scientifically proven that fights can sometimes bring teams together and get them straightened out. Especially with Brad, Matt, and Vizcaino about to come off the DL and Tulo ahead of schedule on his rehab, we could definitely improve upon our worst-record-in-baseball status. We’ll see how the boys react in today’s afternoon game as Cookie looks to improve to 8-3 on the year and run our massive winning streak to a grand total of 2 games.

Go fighting.

What’s the dilly-o with Ubaldo?

Chiggity check that rhyme. I could be the next ‘Nilla Ice. Alright, stop. Collaborate and listen. I is back with a brand new post. The subject of said post: the enigma that is Ubaldo Jimenez.

We all know he is talented as frick. He is the sixth hardest throwing starter in all of baseball this year. To paraphrase former Colorado Rockie Eric Byrnes, his slider breaks from one dugout to the other dugout. Of course, he also has the slow curve that is about 20 mph slower than his fastball. Seems like these pitches (mixed with a show-me change up) would add up to a lot of strike outs, right? Uh… no, not right. He is averaging 7.36 strikeouts per nine innings, which puts him just barely over league average. Just to accentuate his lack of strikeout ability, he walks people all over the place—leading to a scary 1.45 strikeout to walk ratio. If, to quote our dear, crazy, possibly alcohol-fueled color commentating George Frazier, he “throws the dog snot out of the ball,” he should be able to strike out a batter or six. Instead, inexplicable starter Yorvit Torrealba has a mound visit with U-ball and serenades him with Metallica, singing “give me fuel. Give me fire. Give me that which I desire.” U-ball promptly unloads scintillating coruscations of aliphatic hydrocarbons on the batter, and the batter walks or gets a hit. In fact, he is so good at letting batters walk or get a hit, he does it more often than all but four starting pitchers. That puts Jimenez very close to Barry Zito and his yoga-powered fastball.

You may be thinking, “WTF, brah? He was hella bangin’ last year.” If you are thinking that, go back to your frathouse. If you are thinking that U-ball is extremely talented and had a relatively successful major league season last year, coupled with some decent years in the minors, then read on, sir. First of all, he is undoubtedly a rarified talent. If you disagree wiff dat, you need to cut down on the cough medicine, you crazy kids. What are you thinking putting drug dealers out of business? As for his relatively successful first major league season, it was very relative. For you ERA proponents, his ERA was just below league average. That’s aight, homeslice. His 4.06 walks per nine innings, however, were not aight. He also was rocking a .269 batting average against on balls in play, i.e. he was heavily aided by luck and good defense (this season, it has RocketManned up almost 100 points). So that slightly better than average ERA was somewhat misleading, and this season seems to support that. Thricefoldishly, his decent minor league seasons highlight his hamartia (K/BB ratio). His best performances (’04 and ’05 at high-A and ’06 at AA) all came with him striking out more than a batter per inning. If you can’t throw the ball across the plate, you gosh darn better make sure the hitters are swinging at your wildness. Take Edinson Volquez for example. He walks more people than Ozzie Guillén drops f-bombs. He also has struck out more batters than anybody in professional league baseball. Coincidentally (but actually the exact opposite of coincidentally), Volquez leads the NFL in ERA. If U-ball could parlay his ridiculous stuff into some strikeouts, he might find his ERA drop like it’s hot.

Those are basically my theories on why Jimenez is a coin toss that usually comes up crap—few strikeouts, many walks, BABIP catching up with him—all of which are relatively obvious if you watch him pitch. There are some positive signs, however, outside of the obvious—his insane stuffage. As I spoke of before whilst referencing a 1997 Harland Williams movie, his BABIP has increased dramatically (up to .353). The upside of this is that it should revert to the mean (somewhere in the .290-.300 range for Jimenez). That’ll help him cut down on his Zito-esque WHIP and along with that should come a decrease in the amount of runs he allows. Another thing Jimenez has going for him is his ground ball percentage. Last season it was a weak 46.4%. This year he has upped it to 57.3%, which is good for sixth best amongst all NHL starters. This is good. Now, if he could only decrease his walks and strike more guys out, he could be the Hancock of pitchers. I suppose that’s a big if. Though he is but 24 years of this world. He’s got some years to Figure It Out.

Today’s Random Quote:

“Do you remember when we used to dance and incidence arose from circumstance? One thing lead to another we were young and we would scream together songs unsung.” – from “Heat of the Moment” by Asia