Dr. Eric's Lead Pipe Lock Intel Report Preview Analyst Over/Under Pig Skin Pick 'Em: Week 15 Part 2

San Diego @ Kansas City

Want to know something scary? No? Okay, never mind then. Screw it, I'll tell you. (Assumes Tony Kornheiser Extreme Enunciation Mode, or TKEED) TYLER THIGPEN has 14!!! touchdown passes this year in EIGHT starts. TYLER THIGPEN. I mean, nobody even knew who he was at the beginning of the year, Jaws. (Deactivates TKEED) I guess that's really not that impressive when you get to face the Chargers' secondary twice a year.

Winner: An early Christmas present from the Chiefs in Arrowhead

Detroit @ Indianapolis

Those tenacious Lions are running out of time. Only three games left to avoid getting Buccaneered for the season. Indy isn't as formidable as they have been in recent years and Lucas Oil Stadium doesn't have as much piped in crowd noise as the Peyton Dome. Still, the Lions are about as formidable as wet tissue paper--the generic kind.

Winner: Indianapolis

Minnesota @ Arizona

Remember that scene in Any Given Sunday when Cameron Diaz walks into the locker room and that guy has his large fireman hanging out? Gross. Congratulations Visanthe Shiancoe. Not only were you able to trick a few team insiders into seeing your dong, you tricked millions of FOX viewers, many of whom were probably children, into seing Visanthe Jr. or Dr. Wang or whatever you like to call it. Your buffoonery and hijinks frightened many children across the country. I call sexual predation upon thee, crule Visanthe.

Winner: Arizona

Pittsburgh @ Baltimore

Aaron Smith, one of the Steelers best defensive players, went to the prestigious University of Northern Colorado in lovely Greeley, Colorado. So did Vincent Jackson of the Chargers. And Reed Doughty of the Washington Redskins. When did Northern Colorado become a bed of NFL talent? For those of you who have never been to Greeley or within 20 miles of Greeley on a windy day, it smells like shit. Lots and lots of cow shit. The Greeley area is home to many of the burgers and steaks sitting on plates across the US. These three NFL players must love their NFL lives, to have suffered through 3-5 years of constant cow shit/dead cow smell. That's like prison.

Winner: Pittsburgh

Denver @ Carolina

To quote the late, great poet laureate Freddy Mercury, "And another one bites the dust." I know Mike Shanahan is a cold and heartless man, which is one of the qualities that makes a good coach (see Belichick, Bill), but Shanahan's running back destroying offense is suspect to me. Five backs on the IR? Giving Tatum Bell carries? When will he throw Cutler into the fire? He'll probably start running the option on Sunday and Cutler will tear two acls and a rotary cuff. Sidenote: being a brainless man is not one of the qualities of a good coach (see Turner, Norv).

Winner: Carolina (tear)

New England @ Oakland

Speaking of heartless, I'm surprised Belichick let Cassel go home and grieve for his late father. I guess Belichick is still used to the weekly routine of Tom Brady. Where Brady would stare at himself in the mirror for five to six hours per day, Cassel studies game film. Matt just had to put aside his film room time to make time for his family.

Winner: New England

Football Giants @ Dallas

Two things here:
1. That must have been a tough loss for Eli Manning last week. I wonder how Tom Coughlin consoled Eli afterwards... Maybe a Capri Sun, a Fruit Roll-up, and Eli's favorite movie Water Horse: Legend of the Deep. That would cheer up any small child.

2. This: "Wide receiver Terrell Owens has expressed resentment toward Tony Romo, apparently jealous of the quarterback's relationship with tight end Jason Witten."
OMG!!! Jason Witten and Tony Romo are BFFS!!! Is he gonna be best man when Tony weds Jessica??? ESPN is turning into Friday Night Lights. Did Terrell Owens sleep with Lyla Garrity, while Jason Street was in the hospital, paralyzed? Julie Taylor must be cheating on TO with "the Swede." This is not a sports story. It should not be news. God. Damn. It.

Winner: Football Giants because the Cowboys will be so distracted by the crazy drama! OMG!

Cleveland @ Philadelphia

Andy Reid has about as much personality as a dead tree. As soon as he gets fired in the offseason, I hope some network picks him up. He could just sit on the side eating donuts, while Chris Carter pretends everyone else loves him, forcing Keyshawn and TJ to awkwardly smile. Maybe Ditka could throw him a few shots of whatever hard liquor he drinks during the show. All in all, I think it would be great chemistry.

Winner: Philadelphia

Last Week: 10-6
Overall: 108-69