Rox Weekend Recap 4/11-4/13

As far as weekends go for the Rockies, let’s just file this one in the Weekend at Bernie’s II folder: the killer ending made up for any vomit inducing qualities one may experience in the first two thirds of the film. Friday and Saturday had that eerie déjà vu feeling of last Friday and Saturday where the D-Bags bashed, bopped, and bludgeoned Rockies pitching by outscoring us 20-5 in a three game sweep at Coors. In the first two games in the desert this past weekend, the Rockies played the same infectious tune that’s been stuck in their heads for a majority of their games thus far. It must have been some Panic at the Disco song because nobody can listen to that shit and not want to go quietly into the good night. We were once again outscored 18-5 in those games as we ran up against what is quite possibly the top starting pitching duo in all of baseball in Brandon Webb and Dan Haren. I didn’t quite cry myself to sleep, but I imbibed a few stiff drinks and thought long and hard about what the coming six months would bring for me and my beloved Rox. Then Sunday happened. Sorry if this is a long post, but there’s much to discuss.

1) Alright, I understand that the Rox faced two of the best pitchers in the game during the Baby Backs series, but we also countered with our ace in Jeff Francis and Frankie Morales who had shut out this same team a week earlier. Consistently we’ve shown so far that we’re fantastic at being incredibly inconsistent, but thank Elway the offense finally showed up so we can finally say we’ve beaten our bitter rivals at least once this year. Atkins, Holliday, and the National League leader in perseverance and peer support Clint Barmes all went yard as we rattled the Snakes (sorry) 13-5. Everybody seemed to get big hits when they weren’t getting beaned (which will definitely have some bearing on a future game between these two) and the lead was never really in doubt though Aaron Cook seemed to want to make it interesting for a hot second. Hurdle should definitely consider keeping the scorching Barmes in the lineup for at least the beginning of the Padres series at second base. Jayson Nix is playing fine, but I feel in order to keep the offense rolling, Barmes needs to get a few more at bats.

2) Tulo still hasn’t found his stride yet at the plate (he’s hitting .159 with 0 rbis as of Monday) which led Clint Hurdle to sit him down for the finale on Sunday. Thinking about it this weekend, however, I realized that last year he started out slowly too (hitting only .185 near the end of April) but eventually finished with the greatest season ever for an NL rookie shortstop after Hurdle held him out of the lineup for a couple of games. Tulo is too good of a player and too hard of a worker to be held down for too long. He’s made quality swings at pitches lately but has been fouling them straight back, putting him in the hole in too many counts and forcing him to chase poor pitches. Once he has a multi hit game in this upcoming San Diego series (and I’m positive he will. You heard it hear first), he’ll return to form and this offense is going to esplode.

3) Congrats to National League Player of the Week, number 5 in your programs number 1 in your hearts, Matt Holliday, who continues to prove that his better is better than your better. During the week, Big Daddy racked up a .480 average with 2 bombs and 10 rbis to go along with extending his streak of home runs in at bats immediately after getting hit by a pitch. Seriously, I wish I had the stat of how many times he takes the ultimate revenge on a pitcher by going deep in his next at bat. He was plunked by Brandon Medders in the 6th, a severe no no if you pitch in the National League. In his next at bat in the 8^th inning he crushed a 3-2 pitch from Doug Slaten off the wall in left and followed that in the 9^th by destroying a Tony Pena fastball 400+ feet into the left field bleachers. He did the same thing to Micah Owings in Game 4 of last year’s NLCS and everyone remembers what happened on September 19, 2006. Even if you don’t, I’ll tell you. Giants pitcher Matt Cain hit Holliday in the middle of the back in the third inning. The storm clouds were gathering. His next at bat, Cain tries to throw a breaking ball first pitch and Matt hits it 496 feet off the scoreboard at Coors. As he’s running the bases, all he does is scream “Yeah, bitch! Yeah, bitch! How do you like that, bitch?!” to Cain. One of the greatest highlights I’ve ever seen and if I could find it online, I’d give you the link, but I’ve searched high and low to no avail.

4) I don’t know what to do about Jeff Francis yet because I know he can pitch. He knows he can pitch. Clint Hurdle knows he can pitch, but something’s just not clicking for him. No, it doesn’t help that he’s had to face Brandon Webb twice and will face Jake Peavy on Thursday, but that’s the life of a number 1 starting pitcher in the best division in baseball. What’s extremely encouraging though is the performance of Aaron Cook thus far. He deserves better than his 1-1 record shows because his last two starts have been fairly phenomenal. He’s mixing up all of his pitches and his sinker dives faster than the career of Mario Lopez after Saved by the Bell (No offense, Mario, you know we tight.) He’s working quickly, working efficiently, and he’s democratic as always, staying away from all those fascist strikeouts.

5) I will soon print a retraction of my previous article on how Justin Upton doesn’t deserve any credit in the national media. Kid can flat out rake. Anybody have some crow for me to eat?

Our West Coast swing takes us to the heavy sea air of Pets Pets Pets! Park for a three game set with the Padres (that means Fathers in espanol.) What say we take the series? Would everybody be ok with that? Anyone? Bueller?

Rox Recap 4/9/08

You knew it was bound to happen. With all that talent strewn through the lineup, there was no way those guys could be held down for too long. I mean, even Will Smith made Hitch before he made I Am Legend. Guys with that much talent will eventually snap to their senses and realize that teaching Kevin James how to pick up chicks is a fruitless endeavor when contrasted with being the last human on earth fighting clever man-eating zombies. Cut to yesterday’s Rockies-Braves box score. For the Rockos, 12 runs, 13 hits, 5 guys with multi hit games, and a decisive win. What a day at the ballpark.

1) Finally we (I) can talk about our offense without being censored by the Colorado legislature. We scored a ton of runs! Yay! After scoring a grand total of 16 runs in the team’s first 8 games (Man, I wish that was a typo) we almost eclipsed that mark in the team’s 9^th thanks to huge days from Ryan Spilborghs and Yorvit Torrealba. The day after a friend and I had had a fairly inebriated conversation about the merits of starting Jorv over the youngster Chris Iannetta (he was for Yorv and I for Christopher) Yorvit had to go and show me up with a 3 hit, 4 rbi game. In my defense, he was 1-14 on the homestand before last night’s eruption but hey I’ll be the last one to complain about that kind of production from our number 7 hitter. It was also nice to see Spilly flash his 2007 form with 5 rbis and a 3 run BOMB to dead center proving that the change of his batter’s ditty from Gwen Stefani’s “Sweet Escape” to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” wouldn’t go down as the worst mistake of his career.

2) Mark Redman definitely pitched well enough to warrant another start. 5 innings, 3 runs (2 earned) 0 walks and 3 strikeouts won’t make you giddy, but it was good enough to win this game as the O finally stepped up. He also showed great grit by coming right back after taking a line drive off his shin in the 2^nd inning. Cruel memories of Jason Hirsh’s season ending injury last year danced in my head, but after rubbing some dirt on it he faced runners on first and third and only one out. The pitcher Chuck James tried to suicide squeeze in a run, but Redman threw the perfect pitch: a high and inside sweeping curveball that James could do nothing more with than pop up. Redman made a sliding catch and casually tossed the ball to third to double off Brian McCann, keeping the game at 1-0, a key turning point before the Rox began to roll. You can't say enough about our starting pitching the last four games. In those games Franklin Morales, Aaron Cook, Ubaldo Jimenez, and Redman have combined to give up a paltry 6 earned runs in 24 innings. That pace cannot possibly be kept up during the course of a 162 game season (though Buddha, Vishnu, and L. Ron Hubbard have yet to return my prayers), but thus far it has kept my impending ulcer in check.

Since Jay Cutler seems to have angered the Elway gods with his public calling out of Brandon Marshall last week, the inhabitants of Denver find themselves under a vengeful snow that will postpone the final game of the Rockies-Braves series today. Never fear as now we will have a Friday night rematch between Jeff Franchise and Brandon Webb as Jeff looks to finally find his fine form in the Arizona desert.

That's SIR Lady Byng to you

Sir Lady Byng, I am in your debt. Super Joe Sakic once again proved unstoppable for the Avalanche in last night’s playoff opener against the Minnesota Wild. His goal 11 minutes into the first overtime period gave the Avs a 3-2 victory for a 1-0 lead in the best of 7 series and a key win on the Wild’s home ice. Though the Avs took an impressive 2-0 lead in the second period on goals by Kurt Sauer and Ryan Smyth, they squandered it in the first 6 minutes of the third period. The first goal was just unlucky as a pass from the corner deflected off defensemen Jeff Finger’s skate and past an unsuspecting Jose Theodore. The other came on a Wild power play as the four Avalanche on the ice somehow got pulled up towards the blue line, leaving Todd Fedoruk, known more for his fighting than his finesse, alone in front as he deked Theodore and shoved a backhand past the sprawling goaltender. A penalty shot awarded to our $31 million man Ryan Smyth with 3 minutes to play in regulation could have sent the Avs home with a victory, but his attempt was thwarted by Wild goalie Niklas Backstrom, leaving Avs fans presuming the worst was about to happen and Theodore would subsequently revert to his sieve-like form as we changed the channel wondering what could have been. Instead, Theodore came up huge in overtime, snuffing out numerous chances until o Captain my Captain saved the day once again. Game 2 is Friday night as the Avs look to head back to the Rocky Mountains with a sizable 2 game advantage.

To quote Soulja Boy, “History is a nightmare from which I am trying to escape”

That may not be Soulja Boy that I just quoted; it may be James Joyce. I guess it doesn’t matter, because their contributions to the English language are roughly equivalent. The point remains; the Rockies, like Soulja Boy or Joyce, are trying to escape history, specifically their own. It has been a history full of home runs, tears, embarrassment and tearful home runs full of embarrassment. Their career record before last season, including the one time they somehow lucked into the playoffs, is .465, which averages to a little over 75 wins per season. That would make the Devil (whoops blasphemy) Rays proud?

Their Captain Fantastic win percentage has, however, been subverted by some lovely moments—EY hitting the first homer in the first Rockies at bat, Dante Bichette’s mullet, umm… that’s about it, but Bichette’s mullet is like the hair equivalent of Steve Perry’s voice/face combination. For a while, Bichette’s epic doo was enough to keep fans in the seats. The Rockies set attendance records and were selling out every game for a half decade. I remember all the crazy fervor when the Rockies debuted under the Rocky Mountain sunset (cliché #37a). Fans were crazy nuts for them. I found myself in the nosebleed section of (not Invesco Field at) Mile High amidst a sellout crowd. And there was hope (cliché #3b). And then there was denial (it’s the altitude). And then there was steaming piles of Triceratops poop with Jeff Goldblum constantly quipping “now that is one big pile of shit” until Todd Helton shot him, took him to a taxidermist, mounted him above his fireplace, and drew a Rollie Fingers mustache on him with a sharpie. And hope was dead; just like God, chivalry and crystal Pepsi.

Then, once upon a time (érase una vez, for our latin friends) the Rockies won a shit-load of games in an anti-shit-load of time. It was fluky, but fun. People were getting loaded in sport bars and cheering instead of downing fifths of whiskey at home and breaking television sets. The bandwagon almost collapsed from the pressure of being overloaded. Young kids were rocking the K-Fed graffiti Rockies hats with the stickers on the bill, which New Era now sews on crooked by default. And hope had made a comeback (cliché #3c? I’ll have to check the clichétionary—yes! Another retarded portmanteau!), just like John Travolta.

And here we are (",babe"? It seems like ",babe" should follow that). The National League Champion Rockies attempt to prove their mettle (or that they're metal). Todd Helton walks up to the plate and tells the pitcher he’s going to superman that ho (see Ulysses by Joyce, James). Then, he cranks that into the Rockpile and runs around the bases yelling “I AM LEGEND!” (Note: that may not actually be true, but I had to insert the obligatory Will Smith reference). Though Todd Helton still rakes like a fox (I must be drunk), the rest of the team looks pretty average. PECOTA predicted the Rockies to win 84 games, or just above average. It seemed fair at the time, with all the questions marks involved. Now, after a super small sample size (8 games), the Rockies look like their going to end up in the 10^th percentile of their PECOTA projection, or the Ben Affleck percentile, as I like to call it.

It is, after all, a long season, and who the hell knows? But the Rockies should consider front office and managerial changes for the long term. I can’t completely hate on O’Dowd because he has drafted some good players, but he has also has made Omar Minaya look smart a few times. An example of his smartification that didn’t end up screwing him: he wanted to draft Denard Span (career minor league OPS: 698), but couldn’t afford him; so he was stuck with some Jeff Francis guy. In terms of Clint “I’m Bringing in Jorge Julio” Hurdle, the Wall Street Journal did a study of managers based on wins in close games, wins above expectation and player performance. Guess where Clint finished… Go on, guess… Oh, you can’t? Well, I’ll tell you. Dead fucking last (http://online.wsj.com/public/resources/documents/info-baseballMgrs08.html?n=50&page=1&sd=ASC&sort=overall). He’s fun in the post game interview. He has a big funny looking head with goofy hair. But is that worth his shitsational managing (I win again! Shit+senational=brilliant, retarded or retarded brilliant—you choose). The Rockies may have a good season in spite Clinton and Daniel again, but it might be better to build a good organization. Or not.

I’m still thinking of a cool little sign off note, so for this post I’ll settle for:

“I ain’t got time to bleed” – Jesse “the Former Mayor of Minnesota” Ventura in Predator

Maybe I’ll just end with stupid quotes every time.

Rox Recap 4/8/08

“We won yesterday and we won today, that’s two in a row. If we win tomorrow, that’s a winning streak. It has happened before.”
-Lou Brown, Major League

The Rockies offense has finally started to wipe the cobwebs off their lumber and swing them forcefully at that little ball of cowhide being hurled at their heads. Is it too early in the season to say it’s about time? They did finally eclipse their high water mark of runs in a game for the season (4…..yeah, I know) and while I’m not quite to the point of streaking through the quad in a foam dome and some sweet Pumas in celebration, I’m pretty damn pleased with the way our boys played last night.

1) Though not as impossibly efficient as Aaron Cook was the night before, Ubaldo Jimenez found a way to get through 6 innings of solid work which has been a trouble spot for him in the past. His stuff is absolutely electric, but at only 23 years old, it’s sometimes been a struggle to harness his immense talent into throwing meaningful strikes in important spots. In his first start against the Cardinals, he only gave up 2 runs in 5 innings but needed over 100 pitches to do so. His first inning yesterday had déjà vu written all over it as he went single, walk, single to the first three hitters to put the Rox in an early 1-0 hole. After a fortunate double play and another walk, Clint Hurdle came out to talk some sense into his young gun. After Hurdle’s pep talk, Jimenez settled down and largely held the Braves powerful offense in check giving up 3 runs and notching 4 k’s. His immaturity reared his ugly head at times however as he inexcusably walked the pitcher Jair Jurrjens twice. That’s something that can’t happen and won’t as he gains experience at the big league level, but the important thing for Jimenez is he lasted 6 innings by only throwing 93 pitches, something Hurdle had only dreamed about before yesterday’s performance. He looked like the Jimenez of the playoff run last season which can only be a boon to the Rockies’ hopes in 2008.

2) Now playing at a theater near you, Big Daddy 2: Return of the King. Holliday finally busted out for the first time this season in going 3-4 and racking up a couple of big rbis. He showed great patience at the plate in the 5^th inning when his two out two strike opposite field single scored Wily T, plating what turned out to be the decisive run in the game. In the 8^th he lashed a high and outside pitch down the right field line for a double, evoking fond memories of 2007. Not only has he shown to be clutch the last few games, he’s showing more selectiveness and is making better contact. When he hits a ball square, it’s a thing of beauty.

3) As encouraging as our 10 hits and 4 runs were last night, the Rockies finally caught some lucky breaks last night for the first time in this short season. In the 4^th inning a blooper by Atkins with Helton on first took a wicked hop off the turf in right field past the Gold Glover Jeff Francoeur allowing Helton to come all the way around to score and Atkins to lumber his way to second. The next batter Brad Hawpe laced a shot to left that eluded a horribly awkward dive by leftfielder Matt Diaz. Atkins scored and Hawpe wound up with a double. Real men make their own luck and the Rockies finally made some of their own last night.

4) Another great sign for the Rockies success this year was the performance of the late inning bullpen guys: Taylor Buchholz, Brian Fuentes, and Manny Corpas. Together the trio combined for 3 innings of no hit baseball while striking out 3 and walking only 1. Buchholz ought to be our 7^th inning man all year because he has shown not only command and confidence but the overpowering stuff to get a strikeout when he needs it. Manny also struck out 2 guys looking in the ninth for his third save of the season, a nice rebound from Sunday’s blown opportunity.

Mark Redman will try to keep his spot in the rotation tonight but if you ask me (and I really hope that you do), Kip Wells performance in the makeup of the Opening Day rainout was extremely impressive and Redman will have to use his changeup and cutter effectively if he’s going to have any chance against the Braves tonight. He should just study the tape of Tom Glavine’s performance on Monday night because he blew away the Rox hitters with similar stuff. Let’s keep the streak alive.

Rox Recap 4/7/08

I was determined to not write the same Rox recap I’d been writing for the last week. I wanted to be positive and spur my Rockies onto their much-anticipated second victory of this short season. Unfortunately for the first 7 and a half innings last night, I was prepared to copy and paste lines of lament from my last articles as the Rockies swallowed yet another serving of cold crusty defeat. Then Big Daddy did it again.

1) Though 3 of Matt’s 4 at bats last night were weak at best and frustrating at worst, you can’t argue with the results of his 8th inning 2 run tattooing which put the Rocks up for good. Matt, let’s be honest here, looked overanxious to hit anything Tom Glavine rainbowed (that’s a verb, right?) to the plate last night. His 4th inning at bat epitomized the entire Rockies team for the first week of the season. Todd Helton had just worked a leadoff walk off Glavine who still showed he has the stuff to straight up dominate young teams who fail to be patient at the plate and let the ball travel, therefore using the opposite field instead of trying to pull everything. Holliday strolled to the batter’s box determined to single-handedly interrupt the Rockies’ hitting hibernation. He took a mighty hack at a 76 mph changeup from Glavine that dove down near the dirt on the outside corner and tapped the ball meekly back to Glavine who calmly turned a fired the hardest ball he would throw all night to second to nab Helton. He also flew out softly to center field with two on in the 6th inning, but like I said, if Matt can do nothing the whole year except hit clutch bombs in the late innings, I’m going to run out of things to complain about. You can’t argue with the results of a win, no matter how agonizing they may be.

2) What more can you say about Aaron Cook’s performance on the mound last night? This is the pitcher we signed to a $30 million contract in the offseason. 7 innings, 1 run, 2 hits, 15 ground ball outs on only 73 pitches. That might have been the best Cook has ever looked and I was at Coors last year for his 88 pitch complete game victory over the Padres. The Braves had absolutely no answer for anything he threw up there. Sinkers, cutters, changeups, fastballs, everything was working for Big Red as he ate up more bats than a party at the Osbourne’s. Unfortunately for Cookie, the Rox bats Jason Jennings-ed him and supplied him with a grand total of 0 runs so he couldn’t be credited with the win. Cook still has yet to win a game in April in his entire career but if he keeps pitching like he did last night, it’s only a matter of time before we can muster up even a couple runs of support.

3) The game took a grand total of 2 hours and 5 minutes, the shortest game on record in Coors Field history. Glavine and Cook both looked to be in the prime of their careers: Glavine tossing rosin bags to the outside corner and Cookie cutting bats like bandsaws. Rarely do you see two pitchers so incredibly on point during a game with neither one of them factoring into the decision, but such is baseball.

4) Tulo finally looks like the Three-lo of old at short as he was the beneficiary of the majority of Cook’s ground-ball prowess. He made several running plays in the hole and also coming in on the ball and his throws to Todd were spot on. It looks like that initial bout of stone hands was just a fleeting problem. No one deserves a Gold Glove more than Tulo, especially after “MVP” Jimmy Rollins somehow robbed him last year.

And finally, look at this potent quotable from the Rox resident skipper Clint Hurdle on the play of rookie second baseman Jayson Nix:
“It is the proverbial dog on the pond. Above water he is cool, calm, collected. Below water, he is a paddling son of a gun.”
No wonder he became the media darling and favorite interview during the postseason run last year. But seriously, where does he get his material?

As always, Go Broncos.

Rox Recap 4/6/08

To say that I’m discouraged with the Rockies play thus far would be like saying that Independence Day is only an ok Will Smith movie. We were swept by our bitter rivals the D-Bags, yes, but that’s not what I’m most worried about. The supposedly powerful Rox scored only 5 runs in a 3 game series and have scored only 10 runs the entire first week. 10 runs in 6 games? To call our offense inept would be lavishing it with praise. They wasted an incredibly encouraging performance from rookie Franklin Morales and blew an all important one run lead in the ninth. They say that every game you win in April is 1 less you have to win in September. Maybe the Rox are just lulling the rest of the league into a false sense of security and will soon erupt with more ‘splosions than a Michael Bay movie. They better hurry, but hey, at least they’re not the Tigers.

1) Franklin Morales gave one of the best performances of his brief career. In only his 9^th career start, Morales gave up 0 runs on only 3 hits in his 6 near spotless innings of work. His fastball was clocked from 89-93 mph and his curveball kept the Diamondbacks hitters off balance all day. Morales’ performance during Spring Training had many fans and front office types praying to every deity they could imagine that he would return to his late season form of last year. His performance today proved that Spring Training statistics mean absolutely nothing a majority of the time.

2) In the season’s first week Rockies fans have gotten a glimpse at a vintage Todd Helton. He’s hitting .320, the highest by far of any starter on the team, with 2 home runs in consecutive games during the Diamondbacks series. He didn’t hit his 2^nd home run last year until May 4th by comparison. His defense so far has saved Atkins and Tulo especially from a myriad of errors and he knocked the only run of the game the Rockies should have needed with his rbi single in the 3^rd inning. Unfortunately a vintage Todd Helton at the plate also means that the players around him aren’t playing up to their abilities. So far, it’s a bit reminiscent of the Todd and the Toddlers days where Todd would try to do it all himself, succeeding most of the time, but rarely getting any help from his teammates.

3) Our bullpen gave us a schizophrenic performance. Half the time, they were unhittable, giving us glimpses of their limitless potential, the other half was like watching Pearl Harbor (yes, that’s right, 2 Michael Bay references in one article. That’s how I know I’m on my game.) Taylor Buchholz and Brian “Rex-Mex” Fuentes devastated the Baby Backs. Buchholz especially has really come into his own and is pitching with a purpose. His fastball is explosive and his curveball is jaw dropping, the “yellow snapdragon” as Drew and George so creatively dubbed it. He’s going to have a big role with this club this year. Then Manuel “Habeas” Corpas, normally untouchable, promptly regurgitates the hard fought 1-0 lead we’d had going into the 9^th. Two batters in and just like that, it’s a 2-1 deficit. Don’t even get me started on Micah Bowie’s performance in the 10^th. He’d been fairly impressive thus far, but his inability to get lefties out throughout his entire career is a troubling stat. Bowie has one job essentially. Get lefties out. Yet, the first batter he faces in the 10^th inning, left handed pinch hitter Stephen Drew, he serves up a no doubter into the Rockies bullpen opening up the flood gates to put the game out of reach. Not exactly the performance you’d hope to see.

4) Apparently Luis Vizcaino is trying his damnedest to be this year’s Latroy Hawkins. Hawk started the 2007 season with 3 losses in the first two weeks before landing on the disabled list with arm problems. Once he returned he became one of the Rockies most effective relievers down the stretch. In yesterday’s game, Vizcaino threw 6 warmup pitches in the bullpen before coming up with a new injury to go along with his chronic ineffectiveness thus far. He landed on the DL today as Ryan Speier was called up from the Springs to take his place. Maybe history can repeat itself because the fate of our bullpen depends on him and his $7 million arm.

5) Big Daddy finally broke out of his power outage with a clutch bomb to right center in the bottom of the 9^th with the Rox down one. His bat flip after contact was more out of relief than anything. Let’s hope this means he’s gotten the proverbial baboon off his back and will be back to the Big Sexy of old.

A 5 game losing streak in the first week of the season can’t be too promising for the flocks of die hards and bandwagoners that packed Coors Field this weekend. With the Braves coming into town for a four game set the road doesn’t get any easier for the Rox as they’re going to have to perform some voodoo magic to wake up their bats a la Pedro Cerrano in Major League. We’ve got to find our Jobu. That or pray for a rainout.