20 Things I Enjoy More Than Watching the Broncos Right Now

I'm not going to dignify the Broncos' Week 12 effort with a detailed, analytical response.

Therefore, here are a list of things I enjoy more than watching the Broncos lose in a frustratingly embarrassing manner:

1. Creed
2. High School Musical
3. Watching Roseanne sing the National Anthem
4. Brett Favre
   
5. Shotgunning Natty Light
6. The New York Yankees
7. Passing a kidney stone
8. Sitting through a Wagnerian opera
9. Reading a Jane Austen novel
10. Romantic comedies starring Matthew McConaughey
11. MTV
12. Vomiting
13. Standing in line at the DMV
14. Getting kicked in the groin
15. Watching The Vagina Monologues with Andrew Dice Clay
16. Getting stuck in rush-hour traffic
17. Hunting with Dick Cheney
18. Drinking the water in Mexico
19. Frank TV commercials
20. An evening with Pacman Jones

Those are just a few of the things I enjoy more than watching the Broncos lose the way they did yesterday.

And we're still in first place how???

I'm only doing this for the sake of catharsis.

I'm sick and tired of writing about the shortcomings of my beloved Broncos and how they continue to contribute to the downward spiral that is becoming the 2008 season.

Since starting out the year 3-0, the Broncos have gone 1-4, and it's been the same story over and over again in each one of their increasingly frustrating defeats: sluggish offense, bad defense, and turnovers. Unfortunately, today was no exception.

The turnover parade started early on as "the Cut Man" thought he should be the one to begin the festivities by tossing it straight into the hands of Dolphins safety Jason Allen on the third play of the game. Not to be outdone, two possessions later, Cutler did the Dolphins an even greater service by throwing his first touchdown of the day.

The fact that it was to the other team is of no consequence on these pages. It was destined to be that kind of contest.

Cutler would end up throwing three picks, and for a while, in the first half, looked like he flat-out forgot how to play football. Cutler was able to pick it up in the second half to finish the day with 307 yards passing and two touchdowns, his first 300-yard passing day since Week Four, but the damage had long been done thanks to the Dolphins forcing the Broncos into becoming a one-dimensional offensive offense.

The Broncos finished this game with 14 rushing yards, or slightly more than everyone who contributes articles about those players here on Bleacher Report. It was the second-fewest yards in team history and solidified the sad fact that the Broncos' once-vaunted running attack under Mike Shanahan has been reduced to a running-back-by-committee, where the guy with the fewest Band-Aids gets the bulk of the carries.

I won't even mention the phantom pass-interference call that nullified the 77-yard Cutler to Marshall touchdown. Oops...

The defense finally put together a decent day but couldn't come through when the Broncos had a chance to climb back in the fourth quarter. With the turnovers and prime field position the Dolphins were given all game, the defense could have easily folded up like they had previously and taken home another Patriot-like pounding. Instead, they fought and clawed and stopped the 'Phins offense from reaching the end zone...Until their final drive.

With the score 19-17, and the Dolphins facing a 3rd-and-19, the Broncos were poised to get the ball back with about five minutes remaining. Instead, they allow an 18.5-yard pass play to Ronnie Brown and the ensuing successful 4th-and-inches run.

A few plays later, the Broncos had the 'Phins on the ropes once more with a 3rd-and-13 that was erased on a Ricky Williams reception. Ronnie Brown would eventually punch it in to increase the lead to 26-17 and send the Broncos back to the drawing board, as they'll have a short week in preparing for Thursday night's showdown with the Cleveland Browns.

I still don't feel any better about the game, but at least I'm not a Lions fan.

The last word on the Broncos bomb

Ok, I told myself I wasn't going to talk about this game anymore because, let's face it, nobody's that masochistic. I just have a few more things I need to get off my chest before I can get closure with one of the worst games in the history of the Broncos franchise.

I don't think I've ever seen a Mike Shanahan-coached team play so poorly and so undisciplined in all the years that I've been fervently following the Broncos. Yeah, there was a bit of bad luck with the injuries to Cutler and the Brothers Bailey, but overall the team had no attitude, no killer instinct, and from the looks of things, no desire to even put up a fight in front of a national audience.

To me, the biggest play of the game happened when the Broncos were already down 13-0. On 3rd and 16 with the Patriots backed up to their own 8 yard line, the Broncos D forced Cassel out of the pocket and into an incomplete pass. 4th down, right? Ha, simple minded fool. The Broncos wouldn't have it! Jamie Winborn took an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty by yanking Cassel's facemask to the ground after he'd already released the ball. If he just stops like a good boy and runs back to the sideline, we're going to get the ball around midfield with the score still respectable. Instead, the penalty gave the Pats a free first down which they used as a catalyst for a touchdown drive, making the score 20-0 at the half. It sucked any defensive momentum you could possibly have had in a 41-7 game, and exemplified the utter ineptitude of the entire contest.

Oh, and what's that line about kicking a guy when he's down? Wait 30 minutes before getting in the pool? No, well, cliched sayings aside Broncos Country discovered today that both Bailey Brothers who left yesterday's game due to injury won't be joining the rest of their Broncos brethren on the playing field anytime soon. Boss injured his knee and will now be doing as much on-field contributing for the rest of the season as everyone here at Frost Brewed Baseball. Champ's groin called for a timeout and he could be shelved for up to a month. That's a good sign, right? Having the best player on the worst defense in football out for a month? Champ's arguably the best cornerback in football and thus far we were still about as successful as Scott Stapp's solo career.

There, I promise I'm done. Moving forward now.

Wow

Just wow. I can't even begin to start to formulate words, much less complete sentences, about the horrifying display of "football" that I witnessed on the part of the Denver Broncos tonight. This was a very telling game for the Broncos coming in. At 4-2 with a porous D, prognosticators across the country had the Broncos pegged as frauds who could just as easily have been 2-4. With a win, the Broncos would sail into their bye week at 5-2 with a 2 game lead on the Chargers. With a loss, the Broncos would be just another 4-3 team who's simply taking advantage of a weak division and will falter by the time the calendar turns to December. Well, it's not even the 4th quarter and I'm writing this now. That should be a telling enough sign as to how this game went. What went wrong? Shit, what went right?

1) A very inauspicious beginning
How about this as a portent of things to come? On the first play of the game Cutler dropped back to pass, followed through and bashed his right index finger on Vince Wolfork's helmet. Immediately after, Cutler was noticeably favoring the finger and his passes weren't as crisp as usual. He never recovered.

2) Andre Hall
Either I was watching the reincarnation of Tatum Bell putting the ball on the ground for the Broncos or Andre Hall had money on the Patriots. How else do you explain getting two carries and fumbling the ball twice? Shortly after the second fumble, as Hall raced to the bench to look for a shovel and an open patch of land, Shanahan's eyes rolled back in his head, he ripped off his clothes, and grew to nearly four times his normal size. Then, alternating between screaming "Beast mode!" and "Shanny angry!" he picked up the diminutive Hall by the throat and reached into the running back's chest to pull out his still beating heart. No word yet on whether charges will be filed on Shanny.

3) Penalties
We made stupid penalties all game, but none more stupider (yes, that was intentionally bad grammar to point out just how stupid the Broncos played) as when we were down 13-0 and had the Patriots pinned against their own end zone on a 3rd and 17. We forced Cassel out of the pocket and made him throw the ball away. Then, inexplicably, Jamie Winborn saw a bug on Matt Cassel's face. He tried to brush it away, but that pesky facemask was getting in the way. So in trying to help Mr. Cassel, he incidentally pulled Cassel's facemask to the ground. While trying to plead his case to the referee, the bug flew away freely as Winborn said a prayer for it.

4) 5 turnovers
Do I really need an explanation for this one? We had four turnovers when we were on the Patriots 40 yard line each time. 'Nuff said.

5) Defense
New England running back Sammy Morris had a career day rushing for 138 yards, a great day for any rusher. I'm not going to mention that he did all that damage in the first half. No, that would be an insult to our defense. No need to focus on the negatives. Over 260 yards rushing on the day given up is insult enough. Matt Cassel might as well have been Tom Brady throwing for 3 touchdowns and a QB rating of over 4,000. That's a real number. With the Patriots averaging 17 points a game coming in, their offense was obviously under fire to play well. Apparently the cure for a sputtering offense is just to play the Broncos. Just ask Kansas City. Where do you go from here? Detroit?

6) Offense
Cutler getting hurt didn't help. Either did Hall's butterfingers. Pittman ran well but he was pretty obsolete once we went down by 500. Cutler couldn't throw the deep ball and was off on his short passes. Penalties killed us all day, but I'll try not to repeat myself. As the game went on, the offense seemed to play excrementally worse. What am I trying to say? It was shitty.

7) Injuries
Jay's aforementioned injury crippled the offense at the beginning, but Champ Bailey's groin stroin or whatever it was handcuffed our already sieve-like defense. Champ was having a phenomenal game, putting the clamps on Randy Moss to the tune of 1 catch for 9 yards. After Champ exited, Moss blew up with two touchdown catches and 60 yards receiving. Also, Boss found a place on his body that he hadn't hurt yet this year and left with a knee injury. I don't know what other maladies affected our team today. Crotch rot? Scurvy? Rickets? Someone has to have rickets.

The Broncos team has some serious 'splainin to do after that abomination of a performance and we as Broncos fans have to decide whether or not our Broncos are destined for another playoff-less season. Too bad we have 13 days to think about it. This isn't the way you want to head into a bye week. Screw it, I'm done. I'm sick of talking about this game. Where's my Coors?

Jack-ed Up

Ugh, where do we begin? With the inconsistent offense? The shoddy defense? The inexplicable inability to start and finish a play with the football in the hands of the same person? It was a very poor showing on both sides of the ball in today's 24-17 loss to Jacksonville. How the game was still that close remains to be dissected, but that score doesn't fully explain how the Broncos got taken down today. You will not win games in the NFL by fumbling on the other team's 5 yard line, nor fumbling the play immediately after you just recovered a fumble of your own after having a flawless drive to start the game. Too specific? Fine, let's go to the videotape...

-Through the first 3 weeks, the O was a go, the last 3 the O's been a no show. Oh sure, it started out hot today driving 80 yards in 8 plays for a touchdown on the opening drive with the Jay Man going 7-7, but after that it simply disintegrated into a series of turnovers, 3 and outs, and building frustration. Opposing defenses are starting to lock in to the fact that Jay Cutler takes the snap, stares straight at Brandon Marshall, blows kisses to him, texts him a message like "omg, run a post, lol," and then throws him the ball regardless of how many defenders are blanketing Marshall at the time. Jay has other receiving weapons, but you wouldn't know it by the sheer volume of passes headed Marshall's way. Yes, Marshall is one of the best receivers in the league, but he's not going to be open every single play, no matter how good he is. Jay needs to adjust to the defense's tendencies the way defenses are adjusting to his.

- I had no idea that fumbling was going out of style until I watched the Broncos play football in the first half. Then, as I saw three straight possessions end in turnovers (fumble, interception, fumble) including the final fumble on the Jaguars 5 yard line as we were about to go up 14-3, I suddenly understood what was going on. The Broncos, realizing the fumbling fad was fading, felt the urge to give it one last hurrah and send the trend out in style. Once I convinced myself that's what they were doing, I felt a little better about it.............not.

-To the defense's credit, they did make some stops when they needed to. After Graham's TD catch with 8 minutes left, we were only down 24-17 and the defense followed by stopping the Jags on 3 plays, giving the ball back to our offense to try and tie the game. Yeah, it was a nice gesture, but the offense apparently didn't feel too keen on returning the favor, matching the Jags with a 3 and out of their very own. That pretty much sealed the deal and handed us a much-deserved second loss on the season.

-It wasn't all bad, though. Just a good chunk of it. Michael Pittman, given a chance to take the bulk of the carries for Shanny's offense for the first time all year, responded with a resounding "huzzah!" by gashing the Jags D for 109 yards on 20 carries, the first Bronco back to break the century mark in 2008. The Pitt-Man is a bruising ball carrier who pounded out yards and bowled over defenders all day. He's proving that he's not only skilled as a short yardage and receiving back, but that he can handle a full workload every Sunday. Today was the most carries Pittman had had in a game since 2004 and with the success he had today, you can bet Shanny will be penciling Pittman in for a few more carries in next Monday's bout with the Patriots.

-Maurice Jones-Drew-Stamos-Jean-King disrespected the Broncos and their fans in our own house today twice by mocking our Mile High Salute made famous by the incomparable Terrell Davis. News flash for the little guy: You, sir, are no Terrell Davis. You never were, and you never will be. TD had something that you don't (besides about 8 inches and actual skill as a running back): class. TD never showed anybody up, never backed down from anybody, and never had to act out to prove he was better than everyone else. He let his play speak for him and that's how he is one of only four NFL players in history to rush for over 2,000 yards in a season. You think you have a chip on your shoulder because you were drafted in the second round? Big deal. TD was an unknown 6th rounder who ended up as one of the greatest running backs in history. You? You'll be lucky to sniff the Pro Bowl this year. Take a cue from your better half (Fred Taylor) and do as he does. Shut your mouth and play football.

Our next matchup puts us in New England next Monday Night to take on the punchless Pats who looked awfully disjointed against the Chargers today. Matt Cassel is definitely no Tom Brady, hell, he's barely a Tyler Thigpen. The Pats still have weapons, but they're not the seemingly invincible team of a year ago. I still have us at 5-2 heading into our bye week. Plus, Shanahan loves outsmarting Bill Beeeeeelichick.

A fitting end to a painful season

Watching the final pitch of the Rockies season sail out of the strike zone yesterday, I came to the conclusion that you couldn't possibly find a more fitting way to end the 2008 season. Your biggest free agent bust in 7 years on the mound in a tie ballgame in the 9th inning, the bases loaded (his doing of course with a hit and two walks); you're facing a team that you couldn't beat in a train, on a plane, in a car or at a bar, and how does he choose to end the year? By going ahead of the hitter 1-2 and throwing 3 straight balls to walk in the winning run, sending us into the offseason on a bitter note.

Since the end is finally here, in the coming week or two I'll be doing a full-blown Rockies season recap complete with the positives, the negatives, the best games, the disheartening defeats, the productive players, the forgettable faces (Willy Taveras might just possibly see his name under this list), the keys to this ultra-important offseason, and the players to watch for next year. It'll all be in list form too for all you out there with the attention span of Robin Williams.

"Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser" -Paul Newman

So, I guess you could say that my prediction (see below) about the Broncos Week 4 matchup with the Chiefs was, I suppose, a bit misguided at best. I was assuming that the Broncos were going to actually play NFL football instead of the ABC sitcom worthy performance they put on the field today. To say it was hard to watch would be like saying that Paul Newman was only a semi-decent actor (may he be partaking in a few cold ones at the afterlife party.) There wasn't just one culprit that brought doom upon our beloved Broncos. I hate writing about the Broncos when they play shitty, but as is usually the case, writing can be cathartic for the wounded soul. So here goes, let's see if I stomp away in anger in the middle of the post...

1) Jay Cutler looked like Jay Mohr.
- Ok, that's a little harsh. It would be tough to look that pitiful in a made for TV performance, but the Jay Man looked rushed, impatient, and indecisive. He locked onto Brandon Marshall on what seemed like every pass play (not even noticing a wide open Tony Scheffler on one of his interceptions) to which any NFL defense, yes even the Chiefs D, was able to predict eventually. That led to his two costly interceptions which (not directly, per se) cost the Broncos valuable momentum (after the Champ forced fumble against Larry Johnson) and eventually the game. He was a shell of the player that we saw the first 3 weeks of the season. In the end, it will probably be better that he experiences a bit of adversity in the early weeks of the season so he's able to bounce back quickly from it, but to be honest, I'm going to throw something out there: The Kansas City Chiefs suck. Their defense sucks, their quarterback sucks, they have 3 good players: Larry Johnson, Dwayne Bowe, and Tony Gonzalez. This is a game we should have owned and Cutler among others didn't show up to play today. If we're on the outside looking in come January, we can easily look back to this game and wonder what the frick happened.

It must be said that, in by far his worst game of the season he still managed to throw for a season high 361 yards. It was still offset by 2 INTs to 1 TD, but still he racked up the yardage.

2) The defense needs a stern talking-to
...or failing that, a visit from Tony Robbins, Dr. Phil, or any other TV psychologist that can diagnose their back-breaking problems with a witty comment or biting remark. First it was our pass defense that was taken advantage of in the first three games, now it's the rush defense that needs an adult in this one. Larry Johnson, who hasn't had a decent game since 2006 and leads the league in whiny post game comments, rushed for almost 200 (200!!!!!!) yards against us with two touchdowns. We were unable to contain his rushes on the outside and it was an even more fruitless endeavor to try and wrap up our tackles when he rushed through the middle. The defense couldn't be bothered with such petty foibles. Tackling? Pshaw! We just wanted the big hit. Executing the fundamentals or wrapping a guy up when you have him in your hands? Pssssshhh! What are you, one of them sissy liberal types? Spencer Larsen had the biggest hit of the game on special teams (then fucking blew it on the most perfectly executed onside kick in the history of onside kicks) and Champ of course had himself his most complete game of the season. Other than that, our execution was abysmal, our tackling was putrid, and results were excreble at best. Grade? F---------------

3) It was the CHIEFS
I heard they hadn't won in a year. That's not a lie.

4) Whoever didn't fumble in the game was apparently subject to a hefty fine by Mike Shanahan
I mean, seriously, 3 fumbles? Call it what you will. Good plays by the Chiefs defense, lack of concentration on the part of the Broncos receivers, a misguided idea on the part of the Bronco players to add a KY wrestling match as part of their pre-game ritual, but what was with the fumbling party going on throughout the game? Was fumbling actually going out of style because the Broncos sure played like it was. I want to know what Shanny was thinking putting Marshall in at running back right before he fumbled away our momentum. Marshall at running back has been a historically risky move. Last year when he lined up there, he either tried to make too many jukes and ran sideline to sideline eventually losing mass amounts of yards, or he fumbled the football. Sometimes, he did both in the same play. Yeah, he's one of the best in football at yards after the catch, but if the catch doesn't happen first, he struggles to even gain positive yards. A questionable coaching decision for sure put the Broncos in a precarious position and gave the Chiefs the football at the Bronco 2 yard line. Not what you want when you travel into enemy territory.

4) Failure to establish any sort of running game
We couldn't get anything going on to the ground today which directly led to our struggles on offense. The running game, a staple of the Mike Shanahan offense, gained a grand total of 94 yards against a defense that allowed over 200 last week against the Raiders. We looked like we weren't sure whether or not we wanted to pass all over their young secondary or try to pound the ball up the middle. That indecision killed us on so many plays when we had a 3rd and short and didn't really make much of an attempt at either a short pass or tough run. When our running game is non-existent, it makes the play action pass (another key component to our offensive gameplan) virtually ineffective. If the defense doesn't believe we're going to run the ball, or at least run the ball with much success, it won't bite on the play-action pass and won't give our receivers the opportunity to gain separation from the defensive backs.

5) Quote of the Day
Regarding Chiefs rookie fullback Mike Cox as told by broadcaster Dan Dierdorf...
...."Mike Cox was smothered by Champ Bailey on that play."

Say his name fast and think about it.

Talk about letting the air out of the balloon. Looking to go 4-0 on the season with what looked to be a sure-win, the Broncos came out and laid an egg. Nothing went right on either side of the football and the Broncos have no one but themselves to blame for this loss. We have Tampa Bay next week, another 3-1 team who outlasted a tough Green Bay team today. Their rush defense is strong, but their secondary is a bit weak. Which Bronco team will show up next Sunday? The one who led the league in offense the first three weeks of the season? Or the one that got in their own way one too many times on Sunday? The answer will determine whether or not we come out of next week 4-1 or 3-2.

When Does the '09 Season Start?

Phew! It's about time. I thought we were never going to give up hope on this season. It seemed that every time we won a few games in a row, Arizona or LA would lose a few in a row and we'd still find ourselves teetering on the brink of contention while still trying to validate our record which hasn't been at least 7 games below .500 since April. These last few games in Hot-lanta did it.....finally. I think our bullpen literally gave up 1,000 runs to the Braves who came into the series with an inexplicably worse record than your Colorado Rockies. Now that we're just playing out the rest of the season like we should have been doing since about the end of July if the NL West had been worth a damn, here's what the Rocks need to do in order to get back on the contention train for 2009.

1) Get the young kids some PT
Make Dexter Fowler the starting centerfielder for the rest of the season and see what the kid can do. He's already shown he's got the speed, the arm, and the glove, so just put a pair of spikes on him and turn him loose. No more Willy Taveras which means: no more pop ups to right field, no more bunts back to the pitcher, and no more .300 on base percentage for a leadoff hitter. Get rid of Taveras in the offseason and put Fowler in the mix to be the starting CF next season.

Give Joe Koshansky some starts at first base. He hasn't really performed well at the Major League level yet, but either did Ian Stewart until he got consistent playing time when Todd's back finally told him to eff off. This guy has absolutely torn up the Pacific Coast League in Colorado Springs to the tune of a .300 average with 31 home runs and 122 rbis. He also had an on base percentage of .380 with an OPS of .980 which is damn impressive. He also hit for not none, not one, but two cycles this season. That just doesn't happen in professional baseball. He's excelled everywhere but with the big club yet and given some consistent time at first, he could be the second coming of Ian Stewart....whose first coming happened about 2 months ago. He's our first baseman of the future once Todd's contract finally expires after next season and who knows how long his back is going to hold up. Start him a few games in a row and see how he responds.

Send Greg Reynolds out to the hill to start a couple games as we finish out the schedule. As Clint has already done this (Reynolds will take the place of Livan "Once the Season's Over" Hernandez in the rotation) it makes me believe that Hurdle hasn't gone completely daffy yet. Close, but not quite.

2) Finish with a flourish
Yeah this season has been as big a disappointment as the new Indiana Jones movie, but that doesn't mean we have to go into the offseason with the bitter taste of defeat in our mouths. We still have 3 games against the Doyers and 6 against the D-Bags and if we want to play the role of spoiler for any of these clubs, we have the technology and the talent to do so. If we can end the season on a high note, we'd hit the offseason perhaps willing to sacrifice some of our homegrown talent (Atkins) to make some noise on the free agent and trade market as we look for a legitimate starting pitcher to stabilize our rotation.

3) DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER EVEN THINK ABOUT PLAYING LUIS VIZCAINO
Worst. Free. Agent. Signing.....of the past year. (Mike Hampton and Denny Neagle, you still take the cake on that one)

4) Use this season as a learning tool
Yeah it's been a rough year to say the least. But that doesn't mean we should just forget it ever happened. For whatever reason we completely bombed this year. (In the dictionary under the term "whatever reason" you will find the pictures of Luis Vizcaino, Kip Wells, Mark Redman, Glendon Rusch, Willy Taveras, and Tulo's first month of play.....seriously, look it up. It's in the W's) Did we come out cocky? Maybe, but it still shouldn't have been the entire reason we played so poorly this year. The team needs to use this season as a learning tool. Learn from the mistakes you might have made this year so they don't happen again. Tulo will learn to not punch wooden bats that are prone to splintering with his open palm. Todd will learn to give himself a day of rest or two every now and then. The Franchise will learn to tell the damn trainer when his shoulder is bothering him right away, and Matt will learn what $150 million over 7 years looks like when he hits the free agent market.

Since baseball season is almost over, we set our sights to football. But don't worry, I'll still have a series of Rockies season recaps to write once all 162 games are played.

Rox Recap 9/9/08 (Balk-Off)

This one stung. There's not really any reason to sugarcoat it, rationalize it, make excuses for it, or even try to remember it. This one stung. Not in the sense that the Rockies are still in the playoff race (they're not), but in the sense that in a game that we had absolutely no business winning (see Errors: 3 and Hits: 6) we had to lose the game on what can most kindly be described as a mental lapse. A balk.

1) Most of the time, balks are insignificant and a majority of the time, invisible to everyone's eye but the umpire calling it. It can just be a flinch of the pitching hand, a muscle spasm, or a nervous twitch. You cannot, even accidentally, begin your throwing motion to the plate and stop it suddenly. Left handers get the majority of balk calls on their pickoff throws to first. As a former left handed pitcher I can safely say that left handers are incorrectly charged with balks on pickoff throws to first about 75% of the time. Right handers will tell you that every left handed move to first is a balk and I say nay, kind sir, I challenge you to a duel of fisticuffs. We're just more adapted to playing the game of baseball than you righties and when you realized this, you made every position on the field easier for a right hander just so you could keep up with us southpaws. But damn.........I digress. What I'm trying to say is, Buchholz' balk to allow the winning run to score was simply a brain fart. He's been our most reliable reliever the entire season and for something like this to happen to him was just unfortunate. I don't blame him, per se, because these kinds of things do tend to happen in the annals of baseball history, but for it to happen in that situation on a team where at least the players think they still have a shot at the playoffs knowing they basically have to duplicate their improbable run of last season.......that just stings.

2) Cook seems to have run smack into a brick wall in his attempt to become the Rockies all time single season winningest pitcher. He's still 16-9 but in his last 8 starts, his record is 2-3 with an ERA of 6.58 and opponents are hitting a Tony Gwynn-ian .353 against him. Call it what you will, fatigue, mechanics, mental toughness, nerves (remember he wasn't a part of our magical run of last season as he was on the disabled list and didn't pitch until Game 4 of the World Series), but the bottom line is Cookie is just not getting the job done. His adrenaline was evident in the first inning of today's ballgame as he allowed 3 runs on 4 hits. Sinkerballers need to keep a very even keel throughout the course of a ballgame to be effective. If they try to throw their sinker too hard, it's going to flatten out and become a very hittable pitch. That's what happened to Cook in the first inning today. Once he got out of the mess he created, he did pitch a decent ballgame only giving up 1 run through the next 5 innings, but it wasn't enough on a night where the Rockies couldn't quite come up with an answer for the magnificent, the fantabulous, the "fireballer" Jorge Campillo.

3) Chris Iannetta is having one of the best seasons by a catcher in all of baseball this year. Don't just take my word for it though, look at the numbers. He hit his 15th home run of the season tonight good for 3rd in the National League behind Brian McCann (the gold standard for two-way catchers in the Major Leagues) and Geovany Soto (the probable National League Rookie of the Year.) He's second in the Major Leagues for catchers with a .397 on base percentage behind the Twins' Joe Mauer (one of the purest hitters in all the game, not just for the guys behind the plate), and his OPS (on base percentage plus slugging percentage) of .900 leads all catchers. And he's done it with about 200 less plate appearances than any of those other guys. Nobody knows it outside of the Mountain Time Zone, but Chris Iannetta is the real deal and the Rockies have finally found their catcher of the future.

I don't really know what else to say.

Don't play Willy Taveras.

Play Dexter Fowler.

Jekyll, meet Hyde.

You know me, the eternal optimist. Or was it the eternal pessimist? To be honest I'm a little bit of both. It's tough being me, really. On one hand I love the Rockies so much that even back in April I was checking the D-Bags score and calculating the number of games the Rockies were behind. Every day I wake up thinking that the tide is going to turn and the Rockies are going to start playing like they care (as well as have a pair.) That's a fact, but then there are times, like after today's game for instance, where all I can muster are negative thoughts about how much I hate this team and what they do to me. I know I know Mr. Cubs fan, what do I know about losing? We've only had this team for 15 years. Finish slitting your wrists and listen. It's tough rooting for this team especially with the expectations of looking to build on a magical run to the World Series last year. This season hasn't exactly turned out the way the Rockies envisioned their defense of the National League pennant would go. Today's game had a real glass-half-full/glass-half-empty vibe for me. I'm going to enlighten all of you to a trip inside my overactive mind while sitting in the upper deck at Coors watching this game.

Glass Half Full: Boy, Barry Zito sure pitched one heckuva ballgame today. I know he's struggled the last few years but maybe things are starting to turn around for the poor guy. His stuff couldn't have gone away that quickly. I mean, he did win a Cy Young in 2002. He definitely earned his paycheck today.

Glass Half Empty: Yeah, he sure earned that 7 year/$126 million dollar contract he signed in 2006 by dominating a disinterested team on a hot afternoon. He's only gone a combined 20-29 with a 4.99 ERA the last two seasons while nearly cementing his status as the worst free agent signing of ALL TIME. He basically has a 1:1 K/BB ratio (98/89) and opponents were hitting a gaudy .273 off him this season. And he holds us to.....4 hits in 8 innings. But hey at least he lowered that ERA to 5.45 and improved that sterling record to 9-16. No, no, he definitely earned this one.

GHF: It sure was great to see some of the Giants young guys come through. Especially guys who don't really have much of a future left in Major League Baseball. Guys who had toiled in the minors for 15 years finally getting their chance and running with it.

GHE: Yeah, it's real nice when guys who have been career Minor Leaguers are called up to play a meaningless game for a talentless team and completely obliterate a 16 game winner on a team still kind of in a division race. AA superstars like Travis Ishikawa, Nate Schierholtz, and Scott McClain, yes the Scott McClain managed to go a gaudy 9-14 with 6 rbis, 7 runs scored, and a home run from McClain to boot, and yes, that WAS his first Major League home run. If he's not standing next to me bagging groceries once the season's over, I'm going to be utterly SHOCKED. He's a 36 year old making his season debut, getting only his 46th career at bat in the Major Leagues after being in the system for over a decade. Oh, and he was their cleanup hitter. And did I mention that our ace, Aaron Cook was on the mound? No? Well ok then. AARON COOK WAS ON THE MOUND IN A MUST WIN GAME AGAINST A SHITTY TEAM THAT SUBMITTED A LINEUP THAT SCREAMED "WE DON'T CARE IF WE WIN THIS GAME OR NOT."

GHF: Golly gee, it's a shucky dang darn that the Diamondbacks came back to win today. Now I guess we've just got that much more of a hill to climb when the Astros come to town on Friday.

GHE: Yeah, thanks a lot Cardinals bullpen for blowing two fairly sizable leads in your three game series with the D-Bags and letting them suppress any kind of nauseating feelings of deja vu from last season as the Rockies lurked in the shadows. Now we're 6 games back again and oh yeah, we're facing the Astros in a 3 game set starting Friday. The Astros are only the hottest team in baseball, winners of 8 straight and fresh off a sweep of the Cubs at Wrigley. Awesome.

GHF: Jason Hirsh made his season debut today! And pitched a scoreless 1-2-3 inning!

GHE: Yeah, he was supposed to be pitching many scoreless innings for us this year....as our number 4 starter....in the Major Leagues...not toiling in Colorado Springs the entire season and putting up numbers only a mother could love (4-4, 5.80 ERA, 52 BB/51 K in 99.1 innings with a .293 batting average against...yikes.) He made Franklin Morales look like Franklin D. Azar (THE STRONG ARM!) You really have to wonder if he's even considered for next year's big club at all.

GHF: We at least won the series by taking 2 of 3 from the Giants.

GHE: We're past the point of being able to be content with just winning series. We need sweeps and lots of them. Today would have been a perfect time to keep up our momentum as we headed towards the final days of the season but we just fell flat on our faces.

GHF: The boys sure looked tired playing in a day game after a night game.

GHE: Yeah, it sure looked like they quit to me once the Giants went up 9-2. They were hacking at first pitches from a guy who walks 4 men per 9 innings and taking half swings at flat 87 mph fastballs. They looked about as interested in winning this ballgame as two nuns at a cockfight.

GHF: Well, Dexter Fowler got his first Major League at bat and after working the count, lined out sharply to right field!

GHE: .....Actually, I got nothing on this one. He did have a really great at bat. The first of many hopefully. I'm almost hoping the Rockies just fall out of it so he'll get the majority of at bats in centerfield the rest of the season because there's only so much of Willy Taveras popping the ball up to right field that I can take. (Every time he hits the ball in the air he should owe Lou Brown 20 push ups a la Major League.)

GHF: We're only 6 back!

GHE: Yeah, we're only 6 back. Whoop de doo. More efforts like this and you can forget about it. To paraphrase one of our pal Drew Goodman's home run calls, our postseason hopes are "goin' and they ain't comin back."

Rox Recap 8/14/08 (Is anybody still watching?)

That's it. I'm done. Kaput. As they say in Italy: Io sono finito. I can barely muster enough energy to write this blog much less root root root for my beloved Rockies anymore. Yes, yes, the season is theoretically over and yes, yes, we just went 3-7 on an incredibly crucial 10 game homestand (including 7 games against the 2 worst teams in the National League in which we managed to go 2-5), but every day I wake up still looking forward to the day's game even if I already feel the outcome down in the depths of my currently supercooling soul. I love these guys (well, most of them anyway. Taveras and Torrealba, I'm looking in your direction) and I want them to do well every day and that's why it hurts so much when they put the type of product on the field that they have been the last week and a half. Maybe if we could just show the Rockies what they're doing to their die-hard fans like me, then maybe they'd be guilted into starting to turn around their season and finish with a flourish (a flourish meaning maybe winning 75 games.) For the sake of Elway and all his grace, let's just do a little dance, make a little love, and briefly recap this abomination of a homestand.

1) Our top starters Aaron Cook, Ubaldo Jimenez, and Jeff Francis managed to go a combined 0-5 on the homestand while giving up 31 runs in 33.2 innings pitched for a sterling 8.40 ERA. When the most quality starts from your pitching staff on a homestand come from career castoffs Jorge de la Rosa and Glendon Rusch, you know something's wrong.

2) Glendon Rusch gave up a home run to Chris Burke today. That's significant because coming into today's game, Burke had as many home runs this season as everybody here at Frost Brewed Baseball combined.

3) Ian Stewart is doing all he can to impress me personally. He's hitting huge home runs, hitting for average, getting his rbis, and all the while playing a pretty damn good defense. He's slowly taking over Tulo's place as my New Favorite Rockie (capitalized because of its epic magnitude.) Though the Rookie of the Year in the National League will probably go to a Cub because everybody feels sorry for their neverending plight to win a World Series (present company excluded) King Stew should get some serious consideration at the end of year. If he keeps up this pace he might eclipse the 20 home run mark with around 70-80 rbis. If he keeps the ol' average around .300 he just might get some surprise votes. Now that I've said that, I know how ridiculous it would be for Stewart to get any recognition regardless of how good his numbers end up at the end of the year. Baseball writers know four teams: The Yankees, the Red Sox, the Cubs, and the Dodgers. They might not even be certain that there are teams in other cities and are constantly confused by those other blokes in the baseball jerseys who seem to be playing the same sport against their beloved Sawx, or Yanx, or Cubbies. (Though in Geovany Soto's defense, he has had a pretty good season and if he wins, whatever, live and let live.)

4) Willy Taveras tied the Rockies single season stolen base record in today's game with 53, putting his name in the record books alongside everybody's favorite EY, Eric Young. What surprised me more is that Willy Taveras has actually been on base 53 times this season. Could have fooled me.

5) A job well done: Luis Vizcaino wore pants.

(I cannot be credited with this joke because it's not mine. It's the quality work of a blogger for the Cleveland Indians on http://www.sportstimeohio.com/ named Steve Buffum. He writes a daily blog called the B-List and may be the most consistently funny column on baseball I've ever read. Do yourself a favor and enjoy it.)

6) Torrealba may be going on the DL!

That's all I have. I'm at Fox Sports right now and am trying to kill time until FSN Live. When the Rockies are playing like this, the mood is pretty down around the office. At least the Olympics are on.

Go Casper Ghosts

P.S. Will Smith.

P.P.S. The cartoon above is from Win, Lose, and Drew by Drew Litton in the Rocky Mountain News. His cartoons are always hilarious and almost always about Denver sports, 2 things I'm incredibly fond of (humor and Denver, that is.)

Rox Weekend Recap 4/27/08 (April: the new Sweeps month)

Slowly and surely, my endless optimism is disappearing as our boys in purple seemingly find new ways to lose each and every ballgame so far in this short season. This past weekend’s worth of games were no different as the Rox were swept by los Los Angeles Doyers in their three game set. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact problem with the ballclub because there are different aspects of the game the Rockies seem to fail on a consistent basis. In addition to our bullpen's failure to launch (now on DVD) last week, starting pitching doomed us Friday night as Ubaldo Jimenez came one step closer to getting an all-expenses paid trip down I-25 to Colorado Springs to work out whatever the hell is wrong with him. Saturday night more starting pitching woes led to a preposterous 10 run first inning that immediately vomited back the rare 2-0 lead we’d taken off legendary Rockies killer Brad Penny. And finally on Sunday our clutch hitting disappeared as Jeff Francis tossed his second quality start of the year going 7 innings and only allowing 2 runs. Unfortunately, we were facing everybody’s favorite 6^th starter Esteban Loaiza and could only muster 2 runs of our own until Manny Corpas extended his streak of shitty appearances to, well, it seems like forever.

1) Tulo’s pressing. He seems way too anxious when he gets to the plate and is jumping at first pitches that he wouldn’t normally chase. When he finally does get a pitch he finds to his liking, it seems the best result we see from him is a foul ball straight back behind the plate. It doesn’t appear that Tulo is missing solid contact by very much, but with each failed at bat, he sees his average on the Jumbotron dip even lower. That makes him try even harder in his next plate appearance instead of just relaxing and letting his Elway-given talent take over. He’s hitting just .157 on the year and a depressing .083 with runners in scoring position and 2 outs this season including an unclutch (is that a word?) double play ball with the bases loaded and 1 out in the 8^th inning on Sunday. At this time last year, he was hitting .185 and just beginning to turn his slow start around, so here’s hopin he’s on the fast track to gettin back to hittin jacks.

2) Ubaldo Jimenez is in serious danger of losing his spot in the Rockies rotation. His line from Friday night’s ballgame was so killer that if his next start garners similar numbers it might as well read like an obituary. 2.1 innings, 6 runs, 7 hits, and 3 walks to go along with 3 wild pitches. It was rare that he even threw a pitch in the vicinity of the home plate area. Skip Hurdle after the game said that even he’s not sure where Jimenez stands now. He didn’t even have a snappy quote to lob Jimenez’ way. That’s when you know you might be in the doghouse with Hurdle. He’s probably got one more start to get back in good faith with the organization and the fans, but if he doesn’t perform up to the obvious skill level of his stuff, a trip to Colorado Springs might be in order to get his mind and mechanics back to where they need to be.

3) The only one of our starting pitchers with an ERA under 5.00 is Aaron Cook, who’s acted as a stopper for a struggling ball club that needs at least one man in their rotation to give them a quality outing every time. Here’s how our starting pitcher’s ERA reads: Francis- 5.01, Jimenez- 6.46, Morales- 6.00, and Mark Redman- 7.43. Redman’s pitched about as well as the rapper of the same name and honestly should be concerned about his spot on the ballclub too. The thing is, with no one really banging down the door in the Colorado Springs rotation, there aren’t an enticing amount of options for the boys in purple. Kip Wells should be able to supplant at least one of them as he has a 2.29 ERA and has pitched impressively throughout the year, including the re-Opening Day start in St. Louis. The only viable option I see in the Springs is veteran reliever turned spot starter Jose Capellan who in 3 starts carries a 3.94 ERA and a 2-0 record. He was just called up to the big club to help band-aid the bullpen and pitched well in his first two innings of work on Saturday. Frankly, that’s about it though and we might just have to hope the guys we have figure it out soon.

I came to a bitter realization today. It’s hard for me to say, but right now, we suck. It’s still INCREDIBLY early in the season to be really worried, but this team is too talented to be playing the way we have been so far. At least we’re facing the Giants in our next series, but the bad news is we’re facing Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum, two of the best young pitchers in baseball. We’ve got to turn it around some time. Why not starting tomorrow?