So here goes the start of what should be an epic season recap of your 2008 Colorado Rockies here at Frost Brewed Baseball. Epic only in the sense that I might use big words occasionally, hell, I might even write in another language (Italian, anyone?) because this year was far from memorable for the Rox. To give due credit to both sides of the coin (the positive and the negative) I'm going to highlight both because even in a 74-88 season that followed the franchise's first World Series appearance, it couldn't have been all bad. The following however, could be construed as the baseball equivalent of listening to the Jonas Brothers music, or watching the new Indiana Jones, or getting nut-punched by a blind midget wearing a Raiders jersey, or.....well, you get the idea.
1) Tulo's first half
- I've heard of the sophomore slump but Tulo's first half of play gave new meaning to the term. I'm not sure if God was trying to humble our fair Tulo after signing his huge contract in the offseason, or if Tulo's acting skills pained God personally (he did, of course, create such geniuses as Paul Newman in his own image), or perhaps Tulo was just getting too smug for the man upstairs because there was almost no earthly explanation for Tulo's early season struggles. He was hitting about .150 in April before tearing a tendon near his groin (a pain I wouldn't even wish upon Al Davis.......ok, I totally would.) After his 2007 season, the greatest for any rookie shortstop in National League history (.291, 24, 99, 11 errors, 989 fielding percentage) he did not rush out of the gate in 2008. He was committing errors, struggling mightily with runners in scoring position, not hitting for power, and looked like his supreme confidence might have been shaken. Perhaps he was putting too much pressure on himself to play well after becoming one of the cornerstones of our franchise and forgot that he, in fact, was more talented than most people on the field. He became susceptible to the high fastball and would swing at anything that even grazed the dirt. Though it wasn't his fault by any means for the team's faceplant to start the season, he was one of the easy scapegoats. He then came off the DL only to go back on a few weeks later after throwing a temper tantrum and shattering his bat after being pulled from a game, slicing his palm. When he returned he was hitting .166. To paraphrase Paul Harvey, soon, you'll get the rest of the story...
2) The complete and utter failure of our offseason signings
Yes, I'm talking to you Kip Wells, Mark Redman, Josh Towers, Micah Bowie, Livan Hernandez (though that was technically a trade), and last but not least.....Ladies and Gentlemen, here he is, the WORST free agent signing of the season....he's number 51 in your programs, number 2,635, 455 in your hearts....LUIS VIZCAINO!!! That's right folks, Dealin' Dan O'Dowd stayed put for the most part last offseason, resting on the laurels of a World Series appearance and not wanting to rock the boat when it came to our clubhouse chemistry. So to strengthen what he believed to be a weak link on our team (though it was one of our strongest points last year) he went out and got an aging right-hander whose last even decent season was 2006 with Arizona. Not only did he sign this waste of hard-earned oxygen for 2 years (oh yeah, we still have him for another one), but he also decided he wanted to pay him $7 million to do so. And what was his return? A 1-2 record with a 5.28 ERA. This human pinata was sent by Skip Hurdle to the mound in the last inning of our last game of the year in a tied contest and what did he do? Load the bases on two walks and a hit then walked in the winning run that ended our season. Can't wait for more of the same next year!
3) The rotation? More like the blow-tation (Dane Cook could've written that)
- Aaron Cook's first half combined with Ubaldo Jimenez' second half gave our 5 starters on this season a grand total of 1 decent year. Cook and Ubaldo were the only two starters whose ERAs ended up under 4.00 on the season though Cook tried his damnedest to get up there in the last two months of the year. Our rotation started out 2008 thusly:
Jeff Francis
Aaron Cook
Ubaldo Jimenez
Jason Hirsh/Mark Redman
Franklin Morales
Well, Francis was completely and totally ineffective for nearly the entire season. He started the season throwing far across his body which led to his inability to throw his fastball on the inner half of the plate, leaving his changeup down and away to right handers a very hittable pitch. This mechanical flaw most likely directly led to his shoulder problems which cropped up early on in the year, but he only told anybody in June when his record stood at a ghastly 3-7. Considering he hadn't won less than 14 games in any of his previous 3 seasons in the big leagues, I'm almost certain this was just an aberration and he'll bounce back. He'd won 45 games in three seasons. You don't do that by accident (see Lee, Cliff.)
Cook and Ubaldo had decent seasons. Ubaldo turned his potential into production and though he finished only .500 (12-12), considering he started out 1-7, that's pretty damn good.
Hirsh was supposed to be our 4th starter but was hurt in spring training and didn't make his season debut until September 3rd. In the Springs he and Franklin Morales had a contest to see who could lose their potential in the organization the fastest and to be honest, it was really hard to see who won......or lost.
Hirsh: 4-4, 5.80 ERA, 51/52 K/BB ratio.
Morales: 10-5, 5.47 ERA, 83/82 K/BB ratio.
Redman would've been better used as a hat rack.
4) Hitting with runners in scoring position
-Long thought of as a completely subjective statistic (meaning can someone really be "clutch" or not), clutch hitting was a severely sore subject for Rockies' hitters this year. After hitting .276 last year with RISP (and having the best offense in the NL), they fell to a paltry .256 this season scoring a franchise low number of runs (747.) One of our starters who fell victim to a confounding season in this category was Garrett Atkins. One of the best hitters in the National League in general the last few years, much less with runners in scoring position, his average this season plummeted 82 points with runners on base from .307 to .225......and he still led the team in RBIs with 99. That number is more of a testament to our failures at the plate rather than Atkins' prowess with the bat this season. All in all, we started off the year in a pitiful state with runners on base and finished in about the same position. Hell, we didn't even have a sacrifice fly until the last week in April. If we don't improve in this area, we can look forward to more of the same next season.
5) Lack of roster movement in the offseason
Yeah, this may be like number 2 in this list, but come on. It was more like blind faith that guys like Mark Redman (who had a few good starts down the stretch in 2007), Franklin Morales (who, at 21, was a key cog in the rotation and bullpen in September), Willy Taveras (who somehow hit .320 last season......who knows how that happened), Tulo (a rookie who had experienced nothing but success from the time he was 2 years old), and Torrealba (who didn't suck....mostly), would continue their individual success in 2008. That's a lot to ask of a few career backups, an unproven rookie, and a guy in his second season in the big leagues. Instead of scouring the free agent market for a top of the line (or even middle of the road) starter, Dealin Dan went all out for Josh Towers, Mark Redman, and Kip Wells....the Three Musketeers worthy of a song by Bryan Adams. Here's hoping that Dealin Dan will be more dealin' than Dan this winter.
6) Shhhhhhhhhh
- Yes, I said 5, but I had to say something about this. We were 3-16 against the Diamondbacks. 3-16!!!!! All I have to say about that is.........for real? I mean, seriously, bro?
Stay tuned for the top 5 things that actually went right this season......trust me, it'll be hard to find 5, but I'll do it for Todd Helton goddammit.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The 5 (Main) Reasons We Sucked in 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
And the award for best screenplay goes to...
Well, after the nauseating travesty that occurred on Sunday, I feel like talking about baseball. Allow me to join the pointless parade and make my picks for the baseball Emmy's.
NL
The Most Valuable Offensive Player to His Team Regardless of How Crappy His Teammates are Award
And the nominees are: Carlos Beltran, Lance Berkman, Chipper Jones, Albert Pujols, Hanley Ramirez, Manny Ramirez, David Wright
There really is no competition here. It's Pujols. Each of the candidates has their merits:
Beltran - Very good hitter and defender at a premium position, who almost never gets caught stealing.
Berkman - Did everything you could possibly want a hitter to do.
Jones - .470 OBP: holy hell.
Ramirez, H - Best hitting shortstop in baseball and is improving to almost average D.
Ramirez, M - Outstanding year at the plate, but did that confusing league switch and is kind of a dickhead.
Wright - He's just a flat out amazing hitter who can play him some D.
Pujols, though, absolutely destroyed NL pitching, to a degree almost Bondsian in scope. .462 OBP? .653 SLG? They should give him anti-PEDs because he's too good. On top of that, by just about every measure, he is the best defensive first basemen in all of baseball. Maple Woods Community College must have one hell of a baseball program.
The not-Cy Young Award for the Pitcher Who is Best at Getting People Out, Which is His Job
And the nominees are: Cole Hamels, Rich Harden, Dan Haren, Tim Lincecum, (I can't believe I'm writing this) Ricky Nolasco, C.C. Sabathia, Johan Santana
I'm not taking wins into account here, because wins are, well, moronic. Here's a story to illustrate my hatred for pitching wins:
Once upon a time, Joe was sitting on his couch enjoying an ice-cold Pineapple Zima, watching Real World: Darfur. Upon finishing his delicious Zima, Joe decides that he wants some Skoal and a Jolly Rancher, so he walks to his local corner store. On his way, he crosses a street. Not two seconds into his trip across the street, a Kia Sorento comes screaming down the road and strikes Joe. As he is lying there with his blood and organs everywhere, a Jimmy John's delivery boy comes up to him and asks, "Did somebody order Jimmy John's?" Joe tells the delivery boy that he did not, in fact, order Jimmy John's and asks the delivery boy to call a hospital. And Joe died.
By the logic of pitching wins, Joe was viciously murdered by Zima. The only connection between a pitcher and his offense scoring runs, is that they coexist in a similar space and time, much like Zima and Joe's death. Also, what's the deal with the Jimmy John's commercials?
Anyways, all the nominees had outstanding years. It was a terrific year for pitching in the National League. I'm going to have to go with the league WPA and K/9 leader, Tim Lincecum. He was pretty much amazing for the amazingly awful Giants. Add to this, he is an elf with a high-90s fastball. My only problem with Lincecum, besides being on the Giants, is that the Rockies drafted Greg Reynolds before him. But I guess neither of those things are Lincecum's fault.
AL
The Most Valuable Offensive Player to His Team Regardless of How Crappy His Teammates are Award
And the nominees are: Milton Bradley, Josh Hamilton, Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau, Dustin Pedroia, Alex Rodriguez, Grady Sizemore
Okay, Rodriguez is the actual MVP, but I so strongly dislike him that I want to take him out of the competition. Bradley is similar. He was the best hitter in the AL, but he was also the biggest asshole in the AL. Hamilton's a fun story, but he's not a center fielder. Mauer is really good at a really tough position and was hugely responsible for the Twins maybe making the playoffs--same with Morneau, who had a drastically better year than his embarrassing MVP year. Pedroia is also incredibly good, but he plays for the Red Sox, and right now, the Red Sox don't need any more media accolades, plus they'll probably beat the Cubs in the World Series (that is, if the playoffs weren't a complete crapshoot.) So who is left?
Grady Sizemore. He can hit - second in VORP after Rodriguez. Okay, so he isn't much of a fielder and for some inexplicable reason, he has gotten progressively worse at defense each year of his career. I feel like ignoring his D today. He hits incredibly well at a poor-hitting position, which he more or less plays passably. He is also the only reason the Indians have won any games except ? and ?.
The not-Cy Young Award for the Pitcher Who is Best at Getting People Out, Which is His Job
And the nominees are: Josh Beckett, Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee, Ervin Santana, James Shields
So, however the hell it happened, Cliff Lee had an insane year. He led all starting pitchers in baseball in Win Shares. He was second in the AL in WHIP and third in K/BB (Halladay, a very deserving candidate, leads both). The other pitchers played very well, but Lee and Halladay were in a league of their own. Lee's ERA and comparable other stats nudge out Halladay.
In the next few days I will do the Derr Awards (things like Gamer of the Year, Driven Cologne Clutch Performer of the year, etc.) and also the Rockies Awards, though they are deserving of none such accolades.
A fitting end to a painful season
Watching the final pitch of the Rockies season sail out of the strike zone yesterday, I came to the conclusion that you couldn't possibly find a more fitting way to end the 2008 season. Your biggest free agent bust in 7 years on the mound in a tie ballgame in the 9th inning, the bases loaded (his doing of course with a hit and two walks); you're facing a team that you couldn't beat in a train, on a plane, in a car or at a bar, and how does he choose to end the year? By going ahead of the hitter 1-2 and throwing 3 straight balls to walk in the winning run, sending us into the offseason on a bitter note.
Since the end is finally here, in the coming week or two I'll be doing a full-blown Rockies season recap complete with the positives, the negatives, the best games, the disheartening defeats, the productive players, the forgettable faces (Willy Taveras might just possibly see his name under this list), the keys to this ultra-important offseason, and the players to watch for next year. It'll all be in list form too for all you out there with the attention span of Robin Williams.
"Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser" -Paul Newman
So, I guess you could say that my prediction (see below) about the Broncos Week 4 matchup with the Chiefs was, I suppose, a bit misguided at best. I was assuming that the Broncos were going to actually play NFL football instead of the ABC sitcom worthy performance they put on the field today. To say it was hard to watch would be like saying that Paul Newman was only a semi-decent actor (may he be partaking in a few cold ones at the afterlife party.) There wasn't just one culprit that brought doom upon our beloved Broncos. I hate writing about the Broncos when they play shitty, but as is usually the case, writing can be cathartic for the wounded soul. So here goes, let's see if I stomp away in anger in the middle of the post...
1) Jay Cutler looked like Jay Mohr.
- Ok, that's a little harsh. It would be tough to look that pitiful in a made for TV performance, but the Jay Man looked rushed, impatient, and indecisive. He locked onto Brandon Marshall on what seemed like every pass play (not even noticing a wide open Tony Scheffler on one of his interceptions) to which any NFL defense, yes even the Chiefs D, was able to predict eventually. That led to his two costly interceptions which (not directly, per se) cost the Broncos valuable momentum (after the Champ forced fumble against Larry Johnson) and eventually the game. He was a shell of the player that we saw the first 3 weeks of the season. In the end, it will probably be better that he experiences a bit of adversity in the early weeks of the season so he's able to bounce back quickly from it, but to be honest, I'm going to throw something out there: The Kansas City Chiefs suck. Their defense sucks, their quarterback sucks, they have 3 good players: Larry Johnson, Dwayne Bowe, and Tony Gonzalez. This is a game we should have owned and Cutler among others didn't show up to play today. If we're on the outside looking in come January, we can easily look back to this game and wonder what the frick happened.
It must be said that, in by far his worst game of the season he still managed to throw for a season high 361 yards. It was still offset by 2 INTs to 1 TD, but still he racked up the yardage.
2) The defense needs a stern talking-to
...or failing that, a visit from Tony Robbins, Dr. Phil, or any other TV psychologist that can diagnose their back-breaking problems with a witty comment or biting remark. First it was our pass defense that was taken advantage of in the first three games, now it's the rush defense that needs an adult in this one. Larry Johnson, who hasn't had a decent game since 2006 and leads the league in whiny post game comments, rushed for almost 200 (200!!!!!!) yards against us with two touchdowns. We were unable to contain his rushes on the outside and it was an even more fruitless endeavor to try and wrap up our tackles when he rushed through the middle. The defense couldn't be bothered with such petty foibles. Tackling? Pshaw! We just wanted the big hit. Executing the fundamentals or wrapping a guy up when you have him in your hands? Pssssshhh! What are you, one of them sissy liberal types? Spencer Larsen had the biggest hit of the game on special teams (then fucking blew it on the most perfectly executed onside kick in the history of onside kicks) and Champ of course had himself his most complete game of the season. Other than that, our execution was abysmal, our tackling was putrid, and results were excreble at best. Grade? F---------------
3) It was the CHIEFS
I heard they hadn't won in a year. That's not a lie.
4) Whoever didn't fumble in the game was apparently subject to a hefty fine by Mike Shanahan
I mean, seriously, 3 fumbles? Call it what you will. Good plays by the Chiefs defense, lack of concentration on the part of the Broncos receivers, a misguided idea on the part of the Bronco players to add a KY wrestling match as part of their pre-game ritual, but what was with the fumbling party going on throughout the game? Was fumbling actually going out of style because the Broncos sure played like it was. I want to know what Shanny was thinking putting Marshall in at running back right before he fumbled away our momentum. Marshall at running back has been a historically risky move. Last year when he lined up there, he either tried to make too many jukes and ran sideline to sideline eventually losing mass amounts of yards, or he fumbled the football. Sometimes, he did both in the same play. Yeah, he's one of the best in football at yards after the catch, but if the catch doesn't happen first, he struggles to even gain positive yards. A questionable coaching decision for sure put the Broncos in a precarious position and gave the Chiefs the football at the Bronco 2 yard line. Not what you want when you travel into enemy territory.
4) Failure to establish any sort of running game
We couldn't get anything going on to the ground today which directly led to our struggles on offense. The running game, a staple of the Mike Shanahan offense, gained a grand total of 94 yards against a defense that allowed over 200 last week against the Raiders. We looked like we weren't sure whether or not we wanted to pass all over their young secondary or try to pound the ball up the middle. That indecision killed us on so many plays when we had a 3rd and short and didn't really make much of an attempt at either a short pass or tough run. When our running game is non-existent, it makes the play action pass (another key component to our offensive gameplan) virtually ineffective. If the defense doesn't believe we're going to run the ball, or at least run the ball with much success, it won't bite on the play-action pass and won't give our receivers the opportunity to gain separation from the defensive backs.
5) Quote of the Day
Regarding Chiefs rookie fullback Mike Cox as told by broadcaster Dan Dierdorf...
...."Mike Cox was smothered by Champ Bailey on that play."
Say his name fast and think about it.
Talk about letting the air out of the balloon. Looking to go 4-0 on the season with what looked to be a sure-win, the Broncos came out and laid an egg. Nothing went right on either side of the football and the Broncos have no one but themselves to blame for this loss. We have Tampa Bay next week, another 3-1 team who outlasted a tough Green Bay team today. Their rush defense is strong, but their secondary is a bit weak. Which Bronco team will show up next Sunday? The one who led the league in offense the first three weeks of the season? Or the one that got in their own way one too many times on Sunday? The answer will determine whether or not we come out of next week 4-1 or 3-2.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Week 4 Preview: Broncos at Chiefs
Shit, I forgot to do this and I only have 10 minutes before I need to head in to work. Alright, here's the Cliffs Notes version of what's going to happen in tomorrow's AFC West SHOWDOWWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNN (imagine the "Sunday Sunday Sunday!" guy saying it.)
1. Jay Cutler will throw for, I dunno, a million yards.
2. Brandon Marshall will catch 900, 986 of said yards.
3. The defense will hold strong by only allowing a point total in the 20s, which in all fairness, is the best we can hope for even against a team like the Chefs, I mean, Chiefs.
4. We'll have a back rush for 100 yards. Which one will it be? Tune in and find out for yourself, lazy bones!
5. Shanahan will be even more tan.
6. We won't need the benefit of a missed field goal, or blown call, or act of Elway this week.
Score: Broncos 41, Chiefs 24
Friday, September 26, 2008
Masterson's Musings Part Deux
- So it appears the Broncos have gone back to the tradition of playing glam-rock supergod Gary Glitter's "Rock and Roll Part II" after every Broncos touchdown. They had shied away from it the last few years after Gary's, ahem, "unflattering transgressions" had come to light. Child molestation charges be damned! That song gets me fired up!
- The Mets and Brewers both put their September chokes on hold for at least one night by winning both of their games in dramatic, walk-off fashion. It's a good thing too. Both Mr. Met and Bernie Brewer had mysteriously disappeared before their respective games. After the wins, it was discovered that Bernie had ridden off on his Harley with a 30 rack of Beast Light, leaving Mrs. Brewer alone with their handicapped child, Beast Ice. Mr. Met, stumbled into Shea Stadium in the 9th inning, a blue ribbon attached to his jersey proclaiming he had finished 4th in a Barry Bonds look-alike contest in a Staten Island bar. More to come on the status of these two mascots after this weekend of play.
- Jorge de la Rosa picked up his 10th win of the year tonight for the Rockies as he shut down the almighty powerful (AA) Giants lineup in San Fran. Though he did have an odd sequence to start off the second inning. He crossed up his catcher, fired one to the backstop, and then proceeded to do the same thing again, but magically kept a run from scoring when one of his Dontrelle Willis' bounced right back to Chris Iannetta and he tagged the runner out at the plate. No word yet on whether Kevin Costner told him to do this.
- So I was watching The Patriot starring Mel Gibson today and it got me thinking. Instead of Mel Gibson for the role of Benjamin Martin, what about a real Patriot, like Tom Brady? I can see it now.....his son, passionately telling his father that he must fight for his country.
Tom Brady's son: I am not a child!
Tom Brady: You're my child!.......I think, wait, which one's your mother again? You were the little bastard I had with Bridget Moynahan, right? Or were you Gisele? Shit, I can't keep track of all that hot chicks I've banged in my life. Ah, what the hell, go to war. I'll still look good on the cover of GQ talking about God and how he guides all of my touchdown passes with his loving hand.
Or better yet, how about America's Golden Boy, Brett Favre? ESPN says he loves America. They also say he singlehandedly ended the War on Terror by playing in a homo-erotic, multiracial flag football game with Osama bin Laden. Can't you imagine this scene from the Patriot? Favre with the American flag, charging the limey British general, making sure his Wranglers are spotless, he pops a Prilosec OTC (or was that a pain pill?) and jams the soul of America into the heart of those cheeky Brits. I think a tear just fell from my eye...
-I'm almost positive that we could cut down on violence in this country by about 57% if every year, we had a National Punch AJ Pierzynski In The Face Day.
-Go Broncos.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Dr. Eric's Lead Pipe Lock Intel Report Preview Analyst Over/Under Pig Skin Pick 'Em
The WTF LOL Bewildering Out-of-Context Quote of the Week:
"That’s the kind of guy I want to take in my fox hole." - Brandon Marshall
I'll let you ponder about what he is saying there.
_______________________________________________________________
Atlanta at Carolina
Who would have thought that a 45-year old former MTV VJ turned talk show host could be a decent NFL running back? And who would have thought that Matt Ryan wouldn't throw only interceptions in the NFL?
Winner: Carolina
Cleveland at Cincinnati
The ultimate Ohio showdown. Too bad Ohio State is better than both these teams and they can barely beat Regular Ohio. I put it to you: Romeo Crennel would look awesome in a sweater vest.
Romeo, o, Romeo, wherefore art thou sweater vest, Romeo? That's five minutes of Windows Paint genius. Boo ya!
Winner: All other professional sports that are played in Ohio. If I must, Cleveland.
Houston at Jacksonville
Hurricane Ike apparently has only devastated the Texan's offensive line. Too soon? Insensitive? Perhaps. Expect 10 people in the crowd at Jacksonville Municipal Stadium. Could somebody explain to me why Florida has three football teams? Old people don't like football. They like buffets.
Winner: Jaguar beats Texan. Paper covers rock.
Denver at Kansas City
LL Cool Jay vs. the Chiefs' secondary: Mama Said Knock You Out. A message to Chiefs' rookie starting CB Brandon Flowers: Somebody told me that you had boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year.
Winner: Denver
San Fransisco at New Orleans
Wow, Reggie Bush has finally realized his Barry Sanders-like potential... as a checkdown receiver. I think his girlfriend Kim Kardashian's, um, sweater cows, are bigger than Bush's entire body. Maybe she can run those things between the tackles.
Winner: The (covers cartoon mouth with some object so that the audio can be changed for future showings of the episode) New Orleans Saints
Arizona at New York Football Jets
Headline on ESPN.com today: Brett Favre has allegedly farted. Favre has apparently issued an apology, saying that the situation was between he and his family. He said that he is only worried about his next football game. Analysts are wondering how he plans to explain this to Deanna.
Winner: Football Jets
Green Bay at Tampa Bay
The battle of the Bays. Rather, it should be the battle of the visor vs. the full-blown hat. Wasn't Jon Gruden in the new Batman?
Winner: Green Bay
Minnesota at Tennessee
My elder brother, Adrian Peterson, will try to not get his head stomped on by Albert Haynesworth. Also, Cortland Finnegan deserves credit for having the second most blatantly Irish name in the NFL, after Adewale Ogunleye.
Winner: Houston Oilers
San Diego at Oakland
San Diego's purportedly excellent defense has been far from excellent so far this year. Maybe Shawne Merriman can hook up some of the other guys on their D with some steroids. All the Oakland D can get is probably Viagra from Al Davis.
Winner: San Diego
Buffalo at St. Louis
St. Louis, meet Trent Green... again. Scott Linehan, with his job on the line, is putting a sufferer of Alzheimer's at quarterback. We'll see how many times he lines up at fullback, provided, of course, that he doesn't get a concussion doing his pregame warm-up.
Winner: Southern Toronto Bills
Washington at Dallas
Cowboys vs. Indians, eh? At a press conference today, when asked about Jessica Simpson, Tony Romo said, "Girls are yucky. They have cooties." In rebuttal, Jason Campbell has reportedly called Romo a "butthead," saying he should "eat a bunch of doo doo."
Winner: Dallas
Philadelphia at Chicago
Brian Westbrook is out. Correll Buckhalter is in. Where do the eagles find runnings backs with surnames like that? A fencing academy in London? They sound like cricket players, not football players. Fantasy tip: pick up Eagles' 3rd string RB, Chester Terrywicke-Smithson III. Rumors are that Devin Hester will miss the game due to injury. Now the Bears offense will actually have to try, instead of letting special teams do all the scoring for them.
Winner: Philadelphia
Baltimore at Pittsburgh
It appears we have a heated AFC North battle on our hands. The Pittsburgh offensive line is coming off their bye week, and with all the team present, the Steelers think they have a shot at the undefeated Ravens. What's that you say? The Steelers offensive line played last week? Wow, it sure didn't look like it.
Winner: Pittsburgh
Last Week: 11-5
Overall: 11-5
Aggregate 2: The Attack of the Clones
For those of you who haven’t read Moneyball, an extremely entertaining book about exploiting market inefficiencies (who knew economics could be fun?), there is a moment where William Beane talks about replacing players. Now baseball traditionalism, an autonomous collective governed by an anonymous panel of insiders, much like that movie Skulls or the American government (was that too scathing for a sports blog?), suggests that when you trade a player, who does perchance exceed your payroll expectations, said player should parlay into a player of equal or better value in return (run-on sentence?). In other words/lay man’s terms, if you trade some dude, the (main) dude you get back, should be, like, good and stuff. William says this is not the case. Rather, the aggregate should replace the traded player.
To use the Star Trek model, we’ll take an example then an analogy… The Cleveland Native Americans trade Carsten Charles Sabathia. Trading a very good pitcher, whose value was boosted by a bullshit award based on wins, should net you something valuable in return, no? Enter his almighty Matt Laporta. The guy can frickin’ hit (career .285/.382./577 in the minors), but how can his mere 210 lbs. replace Sabathia’s 670 lbs. of Cy Young-winning fastball? Well…there were some other people involved—namely Zach Jackson (a #5 starter or a long reliever), Rob Bryson (reliever with 11.45 K/9 in the minors, who could become the overvalued “closer”), and a player to be named later. Of the rumored four PTBNLs, two have been made public—Michael Brantley (CF with a .399 career OBP in the minors) and Taylor Green (a slugging 3rd basemen, who would become a Jeff Kent type 2nd basemen). When you put Laporta, Jackson, Bryson and Brantley or Green together, does not the total, the aggregate, replace monsieur Carsten Sabathia? 4 average-to-decent players for one very good player. For Star Trek fans, it’s like a math problem. You’ve got 10 and you trade 10 for 5+3+3+4. 5 isn’t better than 10, but 5+3+3+4=15. 15>10. I took collegiate mathematics. The aggregate of 15 is more valuable than the singularity of 10.
Now, after that painstaking, protracted preface, we come to my true subject—Matt Holliday. The guy probably won’t take the hometown discount; he’s probably looking for a huge contract—and for good reason. The most valuable left fielder in baseball should be paid a lot of money. His 5+ years/$100 mil+, however, is out of the
How many wins can we extract from Holliday? Well, I, the preeminent authority on all of existence, am here to tell you. Just joking—my theory is that Holliday will win us more games if he is not a Rockie. Confusing? Heck, frickin’ yes.
Back to the aggregate, which was my subject about 80 paragraphs ago—Holliday will leave the
Adam Dunn is but 28-years of oldness. He is approximately 2 months older than Holliday. He is approximately .004 worse than Holliday in terms of career EqA. Ergo, he is approximately not much worse than Holliday at hitting. But he approximately seems much worse because of Holliday’s batting average. Dunn also will, in free agency, be valued approximately as much as Holliday is in his current contract ($9.5 mil/yr). So… if you trade Holliday, and sign Dunn for about 4 years (up to his dropoff in production years—32+), you get good prospects for Holliday and you pay about the same price for his replacement. Yes, Dunn is a lesser fielder. And, yes, Dunn is a slightly lesser hitter. But does not the aggregate replace Holliday? For Holliday you could get ace starting pitchers, great hitters, lockdown relievers, whatever. And, on top of that, you still have Dunn getting on base at a .380 clip, hitting 40 homers, and, for you situational hitting enthusiasts, posting 100 RsBI. None of the replacement Keanu Reeves (players) is as good as Holliday, but with all of them combined (Dunn + whatever good prospects you’d get for 6 years at a discount price), you have something more valuable than but one Big Daddy. You've got future talent and a Big Donkey.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Jeremy Bates Hates Punters
I'm sick of studying right now and my posting of late has been sporadic to say the least. So: post:
Yes, it’s true. He does. I don’t know Jeremy Bates on a personal level, nor do I have the connections or credentials to interview him. If I did, this is how I imagine the conversation would go:
Me: Jeremy, what’s crack-a-lack-in, bro? You hangin' loose, my main man?
Jeremy (puzzled): What?
Me: Funky fresh. Jeremy, do you have some deep-seated hatred for punters stemming from a traumatic childhood event?
Jeremy: Why, yes, sir. How intuitive you are!
Me: Thank you. Could you please elaborate on what caused said hatred for punters?
Jeremy: Well, my father was a punter and he used to get liquored up on Mike’s Hard Light Pomegranate Lemonade and beat me.
Me: I believe Mike’s has only been making high-quality malt beverages at low, low prices since 1999 and you are a sprite 32-year old. Ergo, you would have to have been a child of 23 for your story to make sense.
Jeremy: Agree to disagree.
Me: Okay… Also, isn’t your father an unemployed defensive coordinator?
Jeremy: That’s what the CIA wants you to think.
(Jeremy then throws down a magician’s ball of smoke and runs away cackling.)
The End.
Anyways... back to my original idea. Jeremy Bates hates punters. If you were unaware, Dictator Shanahan has let Bates call the plays this season. For the first three weeks, he has installed a punterless offense. Poor Brett Kern is an undrafted rookie, just trying to prove he belongs in the NFL. Well, Brett, not on Bates watch. The guy has punted 7 times in three games, while Bates has let Cutler lead 8000 scoring drives (may not be accurate). That's just not fair.
The Dallas Cowboys, they of the most total yards in the NFL, have punted 8 times. The Super Bowl Champion New York Football Giants have punted 11 times. Only the Chargers, who have played but twice, and the Seattle Seahawks have punted less frequently. Oh, Brett Kern, what woeful deed hast thy laid upon yon Jeremy Bates?
The only benevolent course of action here is to let Kern show everyone what he can do. Cutler is probably bored with throwing touchdowns by now. Maybe have a few punts on first down. How about a fake punt pass on third-and-2? If you can't do that, Mr. Bates, please ask His Royal Shanahan to release Kern, and sign a player that can play defense.
Masterson's Musings...
A few true statements about the world of sports that you may find hard to believe...
- Baseball is actually NOT disbanding as a sport just because Yankee Stadium is closing its doors. There will be a 2009 season and probably many seasons after that. Someone should let the suits over at ESPN know that.
- If ESPN doesn't mention either the Yankees or Brett Favre at least once every 7 minutes, Jean Claude Van Damme gets to nutpunch Stuart Scott on national television.
-Speaking of Stuart Scott, in an intro to his own conversation with, you guessed it, Brett Favre, he actually compared Brett Favre to the Pope. He then went on to justify New York's newspaper coverage of Favre's introduction to the city (17 pages!) to the Pope's visit earlier this year (a measly 12!) by stating that after all, the Pope hadn't thrown for over 400 touchdowns and wasn't coming to a new team after 16 years. Yeah, the Pope knows a thing or two about not switching teams for the money considering he's been with the same one for about, oh, 2000 years.
-Things that don't exist: a bad Will Smith movie, the tooth fairy, Al Davis' eHarmony account, young Republicans, and the Broncos defense.
-Willy Taveras has flied out to right field in 87% of his at bats this season.......or at least that's just what it feels like.
-Greg Reynolds and Jason Hirsh have a lot of work to do during the offseason if they're even going to be in the mix for next year's starting rotation.
- The Broncos are 3-0. That's all you need to know.
Taking the D out of Undefeated (One of them at least)
So.....this is how it's going to be, huh Broncos? I was just wondering so I could, you know, take out a better life insurance policy or buy some stock in Pepto Bismol because if you guys keep up this pace, I'm going to be buying it by the Costco boatload. Bottom line: you won. I don't know how you won, but you won nonetheless. I'm not a religious man by any stretch of the imagination, but after watching the last couple of games, even I'm beginning to wonder whether or not a higher power is wearing orange and blue (or maybe the Mile High Magic is back.) Here are some blatantly true statements about the Broncos that I can safely make as we set our sights onto Week 4.
1) The offense is good.
Not just good, but hella bangin, gnarly, radically tubular good. Though the offense in today's game wasn't as spectacularly sharp as we've seen the first two weeks of the season, it still made enough plays at opportune times to make up for our sieve-like defense. Cutler's numbers of 21-34 for 264 yds and 2 TDs kept up his torrid pace and though his accuracy might have been just a little bit off today, he still captained the Broncos on 3 touchdown drives and without Scheffler's 4th quarter fumble inside the 10 yard line, should have been 4. Brandon Marshall continues to put up Nintendo numbers with a ho-hum 6 reception, 155 yard, 1 touchdown day. That gives him 24 receptions for 321 yards in only 2 games, both leading the league. Cutler's myriad of other weapons (Royal, Stokely, Scheffler, Jackson, Graham) have also done their parts thus far. It should definitely continue next week as we head to Kansas City to face the punchless Chiefs.
2) The defense is bad.
Not just bad, terrible, awful, no good, nauseating frustratingly-bad. Not only did we follow up a game in which we gave up 38 points and 500 yards of total offense with another game in which we gave up 32 points and another 500 yards of total offense, we did it by somehow making game changing plays and pulling out all the stops when the team needed it most. I'm not going to sit here and put lipstick on a pig (to use the parlance of our times) when I'm trying to give excuses for our defense. I'm also not complaining about stopping the Saints on that 4th and goal, or that 3rd and 1, or the 2 point conversion because that saved the game for us in the end. If you guys don't make those plays, we're a 2-1 team with more than a few question marks on your side of the ball. But that's all the more frustrating even for the average fan, not just the die-hards like yours truly. You prove that you can make the big play and shut down a high-octane offense if only for a few plays. Then you're still able to allow 421 yards through the air and another 100 on the ground. Just perhaps put together an entire game where you can do that and we'll be alright.
3) Deja vu isn't cool, but I'll deal.
This game was nearly a carbon copy of the San Diego game, save for the fortuitous call and gutsy last second heroics. We stormed out of the gate and off to a 21-3 lead in both games only to immediately give it back and then some. We finished off the first half with the lead, but in the second half we all of a sudden felt the urge to make it even more interesting. With a slim lead in the final few minutes of the 4th quarter, we were driving once again, looking to put the game out of reach once and for all and get a little breathing room for our defense. Cutler threw a pick in the end zone last week and Scheff fumbled on the 5. Why do we feel the need to do this? Who knows. All I care about is that both games ended in Broncos victories, the ONLY thing that really matters at the end of the day.
4) A real man makes his own luck.
Is it better to be lucky than good? Everyone's opinion is different. I can't argue with the Broncos end results, but much has been made about how these charmed Broncos seem to be winning. Last week it was the blown call by Ed Hochuli who was apparently the only referee to ever make a wrong call in any sporting event ever judging by the national media's response to it. This week it was Martin Gramatica doing his best Scott Norwood impression and man, was it dead on. Wide right. He missed two field goals in a game his Saints lost by 2. The national media will no doubt continue to spout off about how we're winning and if we're for real or not, but I'll tell you one thing. Our defense may not be able to stop you or even hope to contain you, but we sure as hell are going to outscore you. It might not even matter how many points you put up. We're going to do you one better.
Next week is a game the Broncos should undoubtedly roll. I know there are no easy wins in the NFL and everyone on the Chiefs roster is an NFL football player who has a lot of pride and at least a moderate skill set, but the Broncos should have absolutely no problem with this rebuilding franchise. That being said, we're going to come to play. Go Broncos.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Dr. Eric's Lead Pipe Lock Intel Report Preview Analyst Over/Under Pig Skin Pick 'Em
So, I'm going to try and start up a little weekly deal here where I pick the weekend's football games. I won't be guessing the scores, just the winner, because I'm lazy. I will, however, write a little caption about each game so I don't appear too lazy. We'll see how it goes...
Kansas City Chiefs at Atlanta
Get ready for some amazing football. This is like a division 1-AA college football game. No, actually that would be an insult. Mississippi Valley State could beat these teams. Tyler Thigpen vs. Matt Ryan--in the ultimate showdown. Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Kids seats still just five bucks!
Winner: Atlanta? Who cares?
Oakland at Buffalo
The vaunted Raiders will head hopefully into Buffalo to face the Southern Toronto Bills--a team very much on the rise. Marshawn Lynch will lead the Buffalo running game, using his bruising style to hit and run all over the porous Oakland run-D.
Winner: Southern Toronto
Tampa Bay at Chicago
The Pirates will head into the windless city with fear in their hearts. Anytime you stare across at the line of scrimmage and see a mustachioed Kyle Orton yelling and waving his hand around, you know you're in for a world of hurt. Plus, Brian Griese's dog (alcoholism) will probably get in the way of his throwing the ball.
Winner: Chicago
Carolina at Minnesota
When your team is in a state of turmoil, it is always good to have a back up plan--a Gus Frrerrrottee plan. Watch as Gus leads this team with his winning smile and gunslinger attitude. Prediction: Frerotte has a 250 passer rating by season's end.
Winner: Carolina
Miami at New England
Seriously, we're talking about the Dolphins. I don't care who New England's fashion model/quarterback is. It's the frickin Dolphins.
Winner: New England
Cincinnati at New York
The Football Giants with Super Bowl MVP Elisha Manning (I'm not kidding) will face a vaunted Football Bengals defense. Score prediction: -7 - 3. Yes, negative points.
Winner: Football Giants
Houston at Tennessee
With Vince Young working out his depression on the sidelines, the Titans will have to make use of Kerry Collins unique scrambling abilities to really get their rush offense going.
Winner: Tennessee
Arizona at Washington
To keep Matt Leinart happy, Ken Whisenhunt has installed a hot tub on the sideline, full of co-eds and beer bongs. By the way, the Cardinals are playing way over their heads.
Winner: Warshington Native Americans
New Orleans at Denver
Okay, Hurricane Katrina is over. Nobody cares about the Saints anymore. They suck. Go Broncos.
Winner: Denver
Detroit at San Fransisco
J.T. O'Sullihair will face his old team, the Lions. Expect a defensive showdown here as these teams have two of the best (not!).
Winner: San Fran
Saint Louis at Seattle
Two teams that used to be decent, but suck now. The Seahawks do, however, have the mustache advantage with Mike Holmgren on the sideline.
Winner: Seattle
Cleveland at Baltimore
Brady Quinn gay-bashing the Ravens. Ray Lewis stabbing people. Kellen Winslow doing military exercises. Joe Flacco using the power of the unibrow. This is too easy.
Winner: Baltimore
Jacksonville at Indianapolis
Peyton Manning led the Colts to an inspiring 4th quarter comeback and sports media, as a whole, promptly got an erection. Seriously, Peyton needs more press, guys. With all the piped in crowd noise, Jacksonville will be screwed.
Winner: Indianapolis
Pittsburgh at Philadelphia
This could be a wild offensive showdown with a wildly underrated team (Pitt) and a wildly overrated team (Phil). As long as Roethlisderper doesn't get in a motorcycle crash on the way to the game the Steely McBeams will do fine
Winner: Steely McBeams
Dallas at Green Bay
How will Tony Romo handle the cold tundra of Brett Favre City? Is Aaron Rodgers for real? Will John Madden say something stupid on the air? So many questions to be answered.
Winner: Dallas
New York at San Diego
The new edition of Brett Favre will have a game of interracial touch football in Wrangler jeans with several Labradors around. Knowing ESPN, they'll probably televise it.
Winner: San Diego
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Week 3 Preview: Saints at Broncos
This week is going to answer a lot of questions about whether or not the Denver Broncos are legitimate contenders to represent the AFC West in the playoffs this year. The catchphrase of the week coming from all of the Broncos detractors (some who even write for the Denver Post and Rocky Mountain News) spouting off about how the Broncos were 2-0 last year and look where it got them: 7-9 and without a date for the big dance for the second season in a row. While their points are somewhat valid, the way the Broncos started 2-0 last year and the way they're doing it this year is wildly different. Apples and oranges. Night and day. Will Smith and Woody Allen. The Dalai Lama and Al Davis. In beating the Bills 15-14 and the Raiders 23-20 to open up last season (both on Jason Elam last second field goals), the Broncos racked up about as many yards as they have thus far this season, but Elam accounted for 12 of our 38 points which means that when we got into the Old Spice Red Zone (brought to you by Old Spice) we were about as successful as a beer vendor at a MADD meeting. In two games so far this year, we've totaled an absurd 80 points and nearly 1,000 yards of total offense. Jay Cutler is leading the league in every stastical category for quarterbacks and Brandon Marshall is the top receiver in football receptions-wise, even after missing the first game due to his league mandated suspension.
Things are looking up for our beloved blue and orange bombers, but this week will be a true test as the N'Awlins Saints fly a mile high to take on the Broncos at Invesco. If the Broncos can take this game, it will put them in a great position with the Chargers two losses already (and the fact they're playing Brett Fav-ruh and the Jets on Monday night.) But it will also be a measuring stick for a defense that looked lost at best and abysmal at worst against San Diego last week. Two of the biggest plays the Broncos gave up to the Chargers was a 67 yard screen pass to the fullback Mike Tolbert and the 66 yard touchdown dump off to Darren Sproles that almost spelled doom for Denver. They will need to make sure they cover all their bases on pass plays to avoid deja vu from the Saints because one of the best check-down receiver/running backs in all of football in Reggie Bush is coming to town and he will run all the way to Aurora if the Broncos let him.
Another way Reggie Bush can beat you is on punt returns as he showed with last week's TD runback against the Redskins. Of course, it's scientifically proven that when Reggie Bush taunts the opposing team before scoring a touchdown as he did last week (and in the NFC Championship game in 2006 against the Bears), the Saints are destined to subsequently give up the lead and lose the game in miserable fashion. 
The Broncos haven't exactly been solid on special teams coverage so far as evidenced by the 57 yard return in Week 1 by Johnnie Lee Higgins of the Raiders (wasn't he the guitarist in GWAR?) and the 103 yard TD return by Darren Sproles last week. Seriously, that dude can fly. Even if you may be able to pick him up with your thumb and forefinger and put him in your pocket, he'll run between your legs before you even know he's on the field. Champ Bailey, on kickoff coverage because we need at least one guy who knows how to tackle, has saved two touchdowns on kickoffs this year by himself as the last line of defense. I have a feeling this will change on Sunday or else Shanahan's going to lie-detector test every single player until they break down and confess to not doing their job correctly.
We haven't had an offense like this in Denver since the 1998 season and this one may even be better. Don't look now, but we're currently on pace to break the Patriots' single season offensive records set last year. Yeah yeah, it's waaaaaaaaay too early to even think about making those kinds of statements, and I'm sorry I just did it, but with the myriad of weapons that Jay Cutler has at his disposal now (B-Marsh, Royale with Cheese, Scheffler, Stokely, and Pittman using his 97" arms to bulldoze through guys at the goal line), we're able to attack you in many different ways. We might not score 40 points a game like we're averaging right now, but if you give us an inch on offense, we'll take a touchdown. That's how the old saying goes, right?
My prediction: Broncos 35, Saints 27.
Punching Philip Rivers or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
"Just win, baby! Or I'll bite off your head and feed you to my transvestite, Kiss-loving minions! Also, I pooped my pants. Where's my nurse?"
Well, I'm back, just like the Backstreet Boys before me (and New Kids on the Block). Sorry I've been away, my loves. I was on a Buddhist retreat in Nepal. It was a lot of fun. I learned that we are all one in the arms of the Buddha. I also learned how to truly eat a peach, not simply consume it. With my newfound awareness, I shall return to my postings, post-haste:
Since yours and my defending National League Champion Rockies only feel like defending third place against the Giants, and are all but eliminated from the playoffs, I'll turn my eye to the Broncos.
Go Broncos. Ha ha, Raiders. That was pathetic joke that was much closer to the Nanking Massacre, than a football game (true, a couple hundred thousand fewer people died, and there was no raping and pillaging, but outside of that? very similar).
Then there was the Chargers game. To what historical event can I compare this game? I don't know, Andrew Jackson's presidency? They were both absolutely crazy, borderline comical in their absurdity, and, of course, a lot of fun. Well, maybe Jackson's presidency wasn't very fun for the Native Americans (that was ironic and tongue and cheek, I have a heart). The Chargers game was certainly fun for any Native American Broncos fans. I can't remember seeing a regular season game (playoff games are always aggrandized) that was this memorable. There were points abound, lead shifts, a fourth quarter comeback, officiating errors that may never leave the water cooler, and, of course, several dramatic plays that were do or die.
My conclusions from the first eight of the season:
The Broncos offense is nuts. There is the obvious: Jay Cutler is good now; his Royal highness, Eddie and U.S. Marshall, Brandon are a dual threat whose diverging skill sets compliment each other; Scheffler is another good wideout, whom they, for some reason, call a tight end; and the offensive line has somehow altered the space time continuum around the trenches so that Cutler has infinite time in which to throw.
I think the less obvious aspect of the Broncos offense, and, as a sort-of sports writer I must dip into the platitudes, is: they played as a team. Hell, I could be an analyst on ESPN! Though hearing about team chemistry in baseball makes me shed a tear (The guy on deck's presence really makes the hitter at the plate much better at hitting baseballs, just by standing there. I think he farted too. That kind of stuff intimidates the pitcher and really helps out the team.), I can't help but think that it is huge in football. Basically all 11 players on both sides of the ball are needed or the play can break down. All 11 players on offense played their parts in the first two games.
The offensive line (now a pass blocking unit, apparently) allowed Cutler to be sacked once and paved the way for 4.9 yards per carry. Cutler and his wideouts look like they have the kind of rapport that Peyton Manning has with Wayne and Harrison. The trio of running backs has run the ball sufficiently, but could step it up. Shanny could also decide on who is the main back (I've had all three on my fantasy team at some point and it would be nice to know who will get me the most points). The under-appreciated position of fullback has been covered well by Peyton Hillis too. When all this is put together we have an offense that marches, unflinchingly, down the field on almost every drive. Kernster has punted but thrice 'gainst the Chargers and but twice 'gainst the Oaktowners.
The offense is fun to watch, they play as a team, and they have the mix and match parts that confuse defenses without having a huge dropoff in production. They are having a huge season so far, on pace to beat the Patriots record for points in a season, set last year. As a Broncos fan, it should be a fun offensive season. The only defenses that they will have to worry about for the rest of the season are, basically, Tampa Bay, Jacksonville, New England, Buffalo, and the Chargers again in SD. None of those D's are all that spectacular anyways. There should be several pro bowlers on the Broncos offense. Knock on wood.
The defense, however, is much less spectacular and much lass cohesive. They looked great against the Raiders, but I, by myself, would look good on D against the Raiders. There is a caveat, too; the Raiders rushed the ball well against the Broncos. Then the Chargers rushed and passed well against the same D. It looks like there is still a long ways to go for the D. I guess we'll see how they do against the Saints. Reggie Bush better not go all Sproles on us and Drew Brees better not go all Philip Rivers on us (I don't mean try to start a fight with Jay Cutler).
Speaking of which, I really want to punch Philip Rivers in the face. I'm not really a violent person. I've never even been in a real fight before, but, god damn, it would be satisfying to hit him square in the face. Just look at him:
I know he has about 6 inches on me and about 70 pounds, but I don't care. You hear that Philip? I will sock you right in the mouth!
Go Buffs tonight! West Virginia is full of West Virginians (gross)! Fuck 'em up, fuck 'em up, go CU! (I wish all my professors moved around tests and essays to avoid Broncos games too)
Monday, September 15, 2008
Greatest Game Since Elway?
Just think about it. Sunday's unbelievable win against the Chargers wasn't only the game of the short NFL season, but it might have been the greatest win for the Broncos since John Elway's last game, Super Bowl XXXIII all the way back in 1999. There are many cases you can make for the 2005 Divisional Playoff win against Bill Beeeee-licheck and the Patriots and you wouldn't be wrong. Hell, I might even agree with you on that account, but it doesn't in any way diminish the Broncos victory over a hated division rival. In a game that was so wild, Bear Grylls was on the sidelines trying to fashion a makeshift shanty using only Shawne Merriman's syringes and Phillip Rivers' inflated ego, the Broncos emerged victorious thanks to one of the gutsiest coaching decisions in recent memory and a 4th quarter comeback that may remind Broncos fans of a certain #7 in the sky.
1) Let's forget about all the superlatives you could use to describe this football game and let's just focus on the facts. Here's a sample:
Jay Cutler- 36-50, 350 yds, 4 TD, 1 INT
Brandon Marshall- 18 receptions, 166 yds, 1 TD
Tony Scheffler- 6 rec, 64 yds, 2 TD
Eddie Royal- 5 rec, 37 yds, TD, 2 PT conversion catch
Selvin Young- 8 rush, 78 yds
The Bailey Bros- 13 tackles, 1 INT
Mike Shanahan- 2 enormous cajones
Cutler had career highs in completions, attempts, passing yards, and touchdowns. Coming into the game, the only talk was of Chargers QB and resident loudmouth redneck Phillip Rivers talking smack to Cutler in last year's Christmas Eve game in which the Chargers dominated the Broncos 23-3. We all wanted to shut Rivers the hell up and in a way, we did I guess. Rivers still had some damn impressive numbers by throwing for 377 yards, but he didn't get the win which is a direct correlation to the game put up by JC (Jay Cutler, not Jesus Christ, but hell, a few more games like this and I'll be ready to crown him worthy heir to the Elway throne.) Though the offense stalled in the third and most of the fourth quarters, Cutler had a dominating game. His passes were lightning quick, he was putting the ball in places where only his receivers had a chance to catch it, and he led a clutch 4th quarter game winning drive that was reminiscent of, that's right you guessed it, Sir John of Elway. He was cool under pressure, really only made one bad throw on the game (the interception on the goal line with 5 minutes left in the 4th quarter), and exuded the confidence that a top tier quarterback in the NFL should have and needs to have. With the numbers he has put up so far and the way he's controlling the best offense in football thus far, Cutler's name should begin to be mentioned with the upper echelon of quarterbacks in this league.
2) Brandon Marshall had one of the greatest receiving days in NFL history yesterday. That's right, in the 60 years of the NFL, only one receiver had had better single game numbers than the ones Brandon Marshall put up yesterday. That receiver would be Terrell Owens who back in 2000, caught 20 balls in a game. I'm not sure if it was right before or after that he went to the media and told him that his quarterback Jeff Garcia was gay (though the guy was currently dating a Playboy model.....do I smell jealousy, T.O.?) B-Marsh was catching all kinds of passes from JC. Passes with 3 guys on his back, passes near the back of the end zone, passes with Antonio Cromartie trying to decapitate him. It didn't matter where Jay threw the ball, Brandon was going to come down with it. Brandon said he wanted to catch 140 balls this year even with missing the first game due to his suspension. Before yesterday, you might have laughed at him, but now you have to wonder if he's just crazy enough to do it.
3) What more can you say about the kid so far? Eddie Royal didn't put up the kind of numbers he did last week against the Raiders and he only had 37 yards total receiving on the day. But he had the two most important catches of the day when the Broncos, the fans, and the city of Denver needed it most. He hauled in Cutler's 4th and Goal toss with 24 seconds left and also the two point conversion on the ensuing play. You don't expect this kind of poise from a rookie in his second NFL game, and he just adds a wonderful weapon to our suddenly explosive offense.
4) The stones on that man.......Mike Shanahan, we here at Frost Brewed Baseball Mile-High-Salute you, Sir. For two years we have watched Shanny's normally expansive playbook be whittled down to a bland combination of runs and play action passes. There was no more razzle dazzle and, to be honest, no more killer instinct on the part of the coaching staff. This may have been because the Broncos didn't have the weapons they have now, but starting last week, glimpses of the old Shanahan came back into the public spotlight. His admitting that he'll always hate the Raiders, his use of Eddie Royal as receiver, running back, and quarterback in last week's ballgame, and the cherry on top of a knockout sundae sundae sundae, the decision to go for 2 instead of kicking the extra point to tie and send the game to overtime. Yes, we got the benefit of the doubt on a few calls that probably should've gone the other way. Whatever. To all you bitching and moaning about the favorable calls for the Broncos, every team in a given season has calls go their way that probably shouldn't have so just enough with it. The game's over and there's no use crying over it (I'm talking to you Norv Turner.) Shanny's decision to go for the win, knowing that the outcome of the play either makes him a genius or a martyr, took GUTS, but he raced up the Aggro-Crag and ended up on top of the AFC with only the Steelers and superstar-less Patriots to keep him company (The Titans realized that Vince Young pretty much sucks and they could win without him and are also 2-0 along with the surprising Buffalo Bills. ETID is probably very happy.) He showed supreme confidence in his offense and showed the fans that he's going for it this year. The days of the Broncos wallowing in mediocrity are over if Shanny has anything to say about it.
It took me about two hours to get my breath back to a normal rate after yesterday's game, and I haven't been this excited about my beloved Broncos since the 2005 playoffs. My optimism is still cautious but I'm beginning to get that fervor back. Look out.
Friday, September 12, 2008
When Does the '09 Season Start?
Phew! It's about time. I thought we were never going to give up hope on this season. It seemed that every time we won a few games in a row, Arizona or LA would lose a few in a row and we'd still find ourselves teetering on the brink of contention while still trying to validate our record which hasn't been at least 7 games below .500 since April. These last few games in Hot-lanta did it.....finally. I think our bullpen literally gave up 1,000 runs to the Braves who came into the series with an inexplicably worse record than your Colorado Rockies. Now that we're just playing out the rest of the season like we should have been doing since about the end of July if the NL West had been worth a damn, here's what the Rocks need to do in order to get back on the contention train for 2009.
1) Get the young kids some PT
Make Dexter Fowler the starting centerfielder for the rest of the season and see what the kid can do. He's already shown he's got the speed, the arm, and the glove, so just put a pair of spikes on him and turn him loose. No more Willy Taveras which means: no more pop ups to right field, no more bunts back to the pitcher, and no more .300 on base percentage for a leadoff hitter. Get rid of Taveras in the offseason and put Fowler in the mix to be the starting CF next season.
Give Joe Koshansky some starts at first base. He hasn't really performed well at the Major League level yet, but either did Ian Stewart until he got consistent playing time when Todd's back finally told him to eff off. This guy has absolutely torn up the Pacific Coast League in Colorado Springs to the tune of a .300 average with 31 home runs and 122 rbis. He also had an on base percentage of .380 with an OPS of .980 which is damn impressive. He also hit for not none, not one, but two cycles this season. That just doesn't happen in professional baseball. He's excelled everywhere but with the big club yet and given some consistent time at first, he could be the second coming of Ian Stewart....whose first coming happened about 2 months ago. He's our first baseman of the future once Todd's contract finally expires after next season and who knows how long his back is going to hold up. Start him a few games in a row and see how he responds.
Send Greg Reynolds out to the hill to start a couple games as we finish out the schedule. As Clint has already done this (Reynolds will take the place of Livan "Once the Season's Over" Hernandez in the rotation) it makes me believe that Hurdle hasn't gone completely daffy yet. Close, but not quite.
2) Finish with a flourish
Yeah this season has been as big a disappointment as the new Indiana Jones movie, but that doesn't mean we have to go into the offseason with the bitter taste of defeat in our mouths. We still have 3 games against the Doyers and 6 against the D-Bags and if we want to play the role of spoiler for any of these clubs, we have the technology and the talent to do so. If we can end the season on a high note, we'd hit the offseason perhaps willing to sacrifice some of our homegrown talent (Atkins) to make some noise on the free agent and trade market as we look for a legitimate starting pitcher to stabilize our rotation.
3) DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WHATSOEVER EVEN THINK ABOUT PLAYING LUIS VIZCAINO
Worst. Free. Agent. Signing.....of the past year. (Mike Hampton and Denny Neagle, you still take the cake on that one)
4) Use this season as a learning tool
Yeah it's been a rough year to say the least. But that doesn't mean we should just forget it ever happened. For whatever reason we completely bombed this year. (In the dictionary under the term "whatever reason" you will find the pictures of Luis Vizcaino, Kip Wells, Mark Redman, Glendon Rusch, Willy Taveras, and Tulo's first month of play.....seriously, look it up. It's in the W's) Did we come out cocky? Maybe, but it still shouldn't have been the entire reason we played so poorly this year. The team needs to use this season as a learning tool. Learn from the mistakes you might have made this year so they don't happen again. Tulo will learn to not punch wooden bats that are prone to splintering with his open palm. Todd will learn to give himself a day of rest or two every now and then. The Franchise will learn to tell the damn trainer when his shoulder is bothering him right away, and Matt will learn what $150 million over 7 years looks like when he hits the free agent market.
Since baseball season is almost over, we set our sights to football. But don't worry, I'll still have a series of Rockies season recaps to write once all 162 games are played.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Hot Damn, I Love Being Wrong
I'm going to level with all of you out there in in the real world (I, of course, am coming to you live from Blogo-land, a mysterious and fictional world which makes celebrities out of anybody with an opinion and the ability to take a jumble of words and put them into coherent sentences.) Let's talk Broncos here for a second. I know the majority of my posts have been about the Rockies, but come on, one can only take that much self loathing and embarassment for so long. Now I am what you would call a Broncos fan. And by fan I mean that I have a life size cutout of John Elway in my living room which I talk to and believe he watches over me as I go about my daily life. Going into Monday night's season opener against the Raiders, yes, I thought we'd win, but with the way the last two years have gone, I was cautiously optimistic at best. I thought it'd be a close game for the first three quarters but that we'd pull away in the 4th and take it by a 27-17 score.......hot damn I love being wrong.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Rox Recap 9/9/08 (Balk-Off)
This one stung. There's not really any reason to sugarcoat it, rationalize it, make excuses for it, or even try to remember it. This one stung. Not in the sense that the Rockies are still in the playoff race (they're not), but in the sense that in a game that we had absolutely no business winning (see Errors: 3 and Hits: 6) we had to lose the game on what can most kindly be described as a mental lapse. A balk.
1) Most of the time, balks are insignificant and a majority of the time, invisible to everyone's eye but the umpire calling it. It can just be a flinch of the pitching hand, a muscle spasm, or a nervous twitch. You cannot, even accidentally, begin your throwing motion to the plate and stop it suddenly. Left handers get the majority of balk calls on their pickoff throws to first. As a former left handed pitcher I can safely say that left handers are incorrectly charged with balks on pickoff throws to first about 75% of the time. Right handers will tell you that every left handed move to first is a balk and I say nay, kind sir, I challenge you to a duel of fisticuffs. We're just more adapted to playing the game of baseball than you righties and when you realized this, you made every position on the field easier for a right hander just so you could keep up with us southpaws. But damn.........I digress. What I'm trying to say is, Buchholz' balk to allow the winning run to score was simply a brain fart. He's been our most reliable reliever the entire season and for something like this to happen to him was just unfortunate. I don't blame him, per se, because these kinds of things do tend to happen in the annals of baseball history, but for it to happen in that situation on a team where at least the players think they still have a shot at the playoffs knowing they basically have to duplicate their improbable run of last season.......that just stings.
2) Cook seems to have run smack into a brick wall in his attempt to become the Rockies all time single season winningest pitcher. He's still 16-9 but in his last 8 starts, his record is 2-3 with an ERA of 6.58 and opponents are hitting a Tony Gwynn-ian .353 against him. Call it what you will, fatigue, mechanics, mental toughness, nerves (remember he wasn't a part of our magical run of last season as he was on the disabled list and didn't pitch until Game 4 of the World Series), but the bottom line is Cookie is just not getting the job done. His adrenaline was evident in the first inning of today's ballgame as he allowed 3 runs on 4 hits. Sinkerballers need to keep a very even keel throughout the course of a ballgame to be effective. If they try to throw their sinker too hard, it's going to flatten out and become a very hittable pitch. That's what happened to Cook in the first inning today. Once he got out of the mess he created, he did pitch a decent ballgame only giving up 1 run through the next 5 innings, but it wasn't enough on a night where the Rockies couldn't quite come up with an answer for the magnificent, the fantabulous, the "fireballer" Jorge Campillo.
3) Chris Iannetta is having one of the best seasons by a catcher in all of baseball this year. Don't just take my word for it though, look at the numbers. He hit his 15th home run of the season tonight good for 3rd in the National League behind Brian McCann (the gold standard for two-way catchers in the Major Leagues) and Geovany Soto (the probable National League Rookie of the Year.) He's second in the Major Leagues for catchers with a .397 on base percentage behind the Twins' Joe Mauer (one of the purest hitters in all the game, not just for the guys behind the plate), and his OPS (on base percentage plus slugging percentage) of .900 leads all catchers. And he's done it with about 200 less plate appearances than any of those other guys. Nobody knows it outside of the Mountain Time Zone, but Chris Iannetta is the real deal and the Rockies have finally found their catcher of the future.
I don't really know what else to say.
Don't play Willy Taveras.
Play Dexter Fowler.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Jekyll, meet Hyde.
You know me, the eternal optimist. Or was it the eternal pessimist? To be honest I'm a little bit of both. It's tough being me, really. On one hand I love the Rockies so much that even back in April I was checking the D-Bags score and calculating the number of games the Rockies were behind. Every day I wake up thinking that the tide is going to turn and the Rockies are going to start playing like they care (as well as have a pair.) That's a fact, but then there are times, like after today's game for instance, where all I can muster are negative thoughts about how much I hate this team and what they do to me. I know I know Mr. Cubs fan, what do I know about losing? We've only had this team for 15 years. Finish slitting your wrists and listen. It's tough rooting for this team especially with the expectations of looking to build on a magical run to the World Series last year. This season hasn't exactly turned out the way the Rockies envisioned their defense of the National League pennant would go. Today's game had a real glass-half-full/glass-half-empty vibe for me. I'm going to enlighten all of you to a trip inside my overactive mind while sitting in the upper deck at Coors watching this game.
Glass Half Full: Boy, Barry Zito sure pitched one heckuva ballgame today. I know he's struggled the last few years but maybe things are starting to turn around for the poor guy. His stuff couldn't have gone away that quickly. I mean, he did win a Cy Young in 2002. He definitely earned his paycheck today.
Glass Half Empty: Yeah, he sure earned that 7 year/$126 million dollar contract he signed in 2006 by dominating a disinterested team on a hot afternoon. He's only gone a combined 20-29 with a 4.99 ERA the last two seasons while nearly cementing his status as the worst free agent signing of ALL TIME. He basically has a 1:1 K/BB ratio (98/89) and opponents were hitting a gaudy .273 off him this season. And he holds us to.....4 hits in 8 innings. But hey at least he lowered that ERA to 5.45 and improved that sterling record to 9-16. No, no, he definitely earned this one.
GHF: It sure was great to see some of the Giants young guys come through. Especially guys who don't really have much of a future left in Major League Baseball. Guys who had toiled in the minors for 15 years finally getting their chance and running with it.
GHE: Yeah, it's real nice when guys who have been career Minor Leaguers are called up to play a meaningless game for a talentless team and completely obliterate a 16 game winner on a team still kind of in a division race. AA superstars like Travis Ishikawa, Nate Schierholtz, and Scott McClain, yes the Scott McClain managed to go a gaudy 9-14 with 6 rbis, 7 runs scored, and a home run from McClain to boot, and yes, that WAS his first Major League home run. If he's not standing next to me bagging groceries once the season's over, I'm going to be utterly SHOCKED. He's a 36 year old making his season debut, getting only his 46th career at bat in the Major Leagues after being in the system for over a decade. Oh, and he was their cleanup hitter. And did I mention that our ace, Aaron Cook was on the mound? No? Well ok then. AARON COOK WAS ON THE MOUND IN A MUST WIN GAME AGAINST A SHITTY TEAM THAT SUBMITTED A LINEUP THAT SCREAMED "WE DON'T CARE IF WE WIN THIS GAME OR NOT."
GHF: Golly gee, it's a shucky dang darn that the Diamondbacks came back to win today. Now I guess we've just got that much more of a hill to climb when the Astros come to town on Friday.
GHE: Yeah, thanks a lot Cardinals bullpen for blowing two fairly sizable leads in your three game series with the D-Bags and letting them suppress any kind of nauseating feelings of deja vu from last season as the Rockies lurked in the shadows. Now we're 6 games back again and oh yeah, we're facing the Astros in a 3 game set starting Friday. The Astros are only the hottest team in baseball, winners of 8 straight and fresh off a sweep of the Cubs at Wrigley. Awesome.
GHF: Jason Hirsh made his season debut today! And pitched a scoreless 1-2-3 inning!
GHE: Yeah, he was supposed to be pitching many scoreless innings for us this year....as our number 4 starter....in the Major Leagues...not toiling in Colorado Springs the entire season and putting up numbers only a mother could love (4-4, 5.80 ERA, 52 BB/51 K in 99.1 innings with a .293 batting average against...yikes.) He made Franklin Morales look like Franklin D. Azar (THE STRONG ARM!) You really have to wonder if he's even considered for next year's big club at all.
GHF: We at least won the series by taking 2 of 3 from the Giants.
GHE: We're past the point of being able to be content with just winning series. We need sweeps and lots of them. Today would have been a perfect time to keep up our momentum as we headed towards the final days of the season but we just fell flat on our faces.
GHF: The boys sure looked tired playing in a day game after a night game.
GHE: Yeah, it sure looked like they quit to me once the Giants went up 9-2. They were hacking at first pitches from a guy who walks 4 men per 9 innings and taking half swings at flat 87 mph fastballs. They looked about as interested in winning this ballgame as two nuns at a cockfight.
GHF: Well, Dexter Fowler got his first Major League at bat and after working the count, lined out sharply to right field!
GHE: .....Actually, I got nothing on this one. He did have a really great at bat. The first of many hopefully. I'm almost hoping the Rockies just fall out of it so he'll get the majority of at bats in centerfield the rest of the season because there's only so much of Willy Taveras popping the ball up to right field that I can take. (Every time he hits the ball in the air he should owe Lou Brown 20 push ups a la Major League.)
GHF: We're only 6 back!
GHE: Yeah, we're only 6 back. Whoop de doo. More efforts like this and you can forget about it. To paraphrase one of our pal Drew Goodman's home run calls, our postseason hopes are "goin' and they ain't comin back."