The WTF LOL Bewildering Out-of-Context Quote of the Week
Let's go with something apropos.
Dan O'Dowd on Greg Smith:
"He really knows how to carve people up."
Is that such a good thing? Come on, it's almost thanksgiving. For the record, if I see Greg Smith carving people up, I will call the police.
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New York Jets @ New England
So the Patriots are 6-3 without Tom Brady and the Jets are 6-3 with Brett Favre. I'm confused. Football is on Thursday night before Thanksgiving. Confused again. The NFL made it's own network with exclusive rights to highly watchable games such as this. Okay, that makes perfect sense. Four people in the entire world can watch the NFL Network, and that includes the people who work on the show. Now I'm confused again.
Winner: New England
Denver @ Atlanta
Remember Tatum Bell? He had a 99 purse stealing attribute in Madden. He also had a -99 in carrying. For some reason Mike Shanahan chose Tatum because he knew the offense, because "has played well when he has played here," and "he was the only one left." Was Mike Bell shipwrecked in the Bermuda Triangle or something? He had eight touchdowns in 2006. He did well before the coaching staff decided he no longer deserved to play in 2007. Let's not forget, Tatum Bell redefined the phrase "fumble prone" in 2006. I don't get it. Just like I don't get how Mike Smith can coach up his crappy defense so well. Cutler better throw well.
Winner: Atlanta (Last week I picked against the Broncos and they won. Fingers crossed.)
Detroit @ Carolina
I bet those crazy coaches are going to start Drew Stanton now. He's had a year and nine games to learn the offense. But Daunte Culpepper is Daunte Culpepper! He can scramble and throw exceptionally well! Oh wait, it's not 2004. Culpepper had a couple days to learn this "offense" and he blows without Randy Moss. I wonder how many wins Jon Kitna declared the Lions would have this year. P.S. Never come out of retirement to quarterback the Lions; it's just common sense.
Winner: Carolina
Philadelphia @ Cincinnati
Ryan Fitzpatrick cajoled his Ivy League education into a victory against the Jaguars before their bye week, while a group of barely educated convicts supported him on offense and defense. Congratulations, Bengals, you are no longer as embarrassing as the Lions. You've won one whole game! Amazing! I'd kind of like to know, though, one single coaching skill Marvin Lewis in which Marvin Lewis excels. He's supposed to be a defensive guru, but his defenses have always been devastatingly bad. He can't motivate. If he dropped his pants, his players would probably steal his wallet. He can't player evaluate, since most of his team has been arrested. He can't really do anything.
Winner: Philadelphia
New Orleans @ Kansas City
Want to know something disturbing? Tyler Thigpen has a 104.6 passer rating over the last three games and that includes a game against the good Buccaneers defense and a the respectable Jets defense. He's fast, has a strong arm and, from what I've seen lately, is quite accurate. I guess he has a quick learning curve, because in weeks 2-3 he made J.T. O'Sullivan look like a Hall of Famer.
Winner: New Orleans
Baltimore @ Football Giants
Some people have been calling the 08 Giants one of the best teams of all time. Uh... no. They're very good, but definitely not the best. If Eli Manning is your quarterback, you are not among the best teams of all time. Eli and Earth, Wind & Fire will have a lot to show against the Ravens stout D this week. On the other side, the Ravens 3-man, fantasy-murdering rushing attack will have to man-up against Fred Robbins and Co. Something intriguing: the Ravens offensive line averages 24.4 years of age. Quite astonishing, actually, for the team with the third most rushing yards in the NFL.
Winner: Football Giants
Minnesota @ Tampa Bay
That was a big win against the Packers last week. Who would have thought Mason "Mr. Charisma" Crosby would have missed that field goal with his exceptional leg? And who would have thought a man of that size could do karate? This week, Brad "I'm just going around the neighborhood letting everyone know that I'm a convicted sex offender" Childress faces off against Jon "I work so hard I haven't seen my kids in 10 years" Gruden. The Bucs hope Cadillac Williams will rejuvenate their rushing attack and, basically horrible offense in general. Maybe he would once upon a 2005.
Winner: Minnesota
Oakland @ Miami
Last year, if this game happened, the NFL would have committed suicide. Luckily for everyone involved, the Dolphins are actually decent, though their fancy, new-fangled single wing offense is sputtering. What is this? The Great Depression? The Oakland Raiders, meanwhile, are scoring 12.6 points per game and are virtually unwatchable. Just score a touchdown, baby!
Winner: Miami
Chicago @ Green Bay
I bet Brett Favre called Rex Grossman to tell him about what kind of offense he ran while he was in Green Bay. Here are my guesses for the main points:
1. Gunsling
2. Throw as hard as you can
3. Heave the ball wildly at any player you see
I think Grossman had number three on lock. We'll see how he adapts to one and two.
Winner: If Grossman plays, Green Bay. If Orton plays, Chicago.
Houston @ Indianapolis
Matt Schaub is still out with a knee injury, so it's Sage Rosenfels. Of course every game he's played in, they've lost. His name is Sage. An offense needs a QB with a name they can get behind. Hunter or Shooter or Maximus or Brett Favre. Even Bearded McGunslinger.
Winner: Indianapolis
St. Louis @ San Fransisco
I know this game must occur twice, but seriously. Can't they just split the series and not subject anyone to this shit show? The 49ers gave it a hell of a go there at the end against the Cardinals, but their clock management was embarrassing. Also, what's the deal with the touching/falling over/tackle rule? Frank Gore clearly was unaffected by the d-lineman who touched him. He fell over by himself. That should have been a touchdown. If the rule book needs to be changed for that to be a TD, change it.
Winner: San Fransisco
Arizona @ Seattle
Matt Hasselbeck is finally back. He doesn't really have much for which to return. Julius Jones has been running the ball decently, but his wide receivers are weak. Maybe that's why he has been bald his whole life. I don't think the Seahawks have had consistently good wide receivers since Hasselbeck arrived there. He should ask for a 12th man on offense.
Winner: Arizona
Tennessee @ Jacksonville
Tennessee is still unbeaten. Somehow. Some people are calling Kerry Collins the MVP--Tom Jackson, Woody Paige. He has a 78.8 passer rating. He's thrown 5 touchdowns. Simply because he is the quarterback for an undefeated team does no make him the MVP. He isn't even the MVP of his own team. Chris Johnson, Albert Haynesworth, and pretty much any member of their very good offensive and defensive lines--all these players are more valuable than Kerry Collins to his own team. Yes, he doesn't throw ten interceptions per game and cry when he is booed like Vince Young. Being better than Vince Young doesn't make you MVP, it makes you 97% of the NFL.
Winner: Jacksonville
San Diego @ Pittsburgh
I think Shawne Merriman gave Philip "the sun is in my eyes, bro" Rivers some steroids for his body and brain. There's no way he is this good. Not even close. Just look at his face; he's an idiot... and an a-hole. He also can't throw the ball more than ten yards. Something nefarious is going on with this jerk.
Winner: Pittsburgh
Dallas @ Washington
I guess Jessica Simpson kissed Tony Romo's pinky and made it better. Now he's back and so is the Dallas offense. Unfortunately, Romo's return is poorly timed for the Redskins, as Clinton Portis is unlikely for the game. Probably no Hip Hip Hoorays for Jim Zorn. Daniel Snyder will murder you if you fail.
Winner: Dallas
Cleveland @ Buffalo
So the Browns are mad at Kellen Winslow for telling the press he had a staph infection. Okay, they wanted to keep it in the locker room. That's understandable. But... EVERYONE SAID THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIS BALLS. Is it not understandable for him to let everyone know that he doesn't have syphilis or something? Calm down there, Browns.
Winner: Buffalo
Last Week: 10-5
Overall: 70-44
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