Good vibrations. Come on. Come on. Feel it. Feel it.

So Marky Mark Redman got optioned to Colorado Springs and, to take his place, the Rockies brought up 2006 first-rounder Greg Reynolds. Can he help Aaron Cook create some stability in the Funky Bunch (heretofore known as the Rockies pitching staff)?

In his debut today, he didn’t not maybe pitch half-good. He most certainly started out well, but so did The Clash. And like The Clash, he tanked in the sixth inning (or the fifth album according to scale). For the first five innings, he pounded the strike zone like Rocky pounds dead cows—vigorously. Then he pounded it a little too hard (that’s what she said! What? Is that not cool anymore?). He started giving up big hits and exited stage left with four earned runs on the board.

Those last few earned runs notwithstanding, he did a decent job. He kept his pitch count down (around 12 an inning), he only walked two, and for the most part he seemed in control. There was definitely some promise shown. His arsenal (Arsenal sucks! Go Man U!) looked solid: sinking, tailing fastball, circle change with a nice screwball action (that’s baseball terminology, pervert), and a monster uncle Charlie (see previous parentheses). There are some other terms that frighten me, but I feel I should mention them: he showed “poise” and “make-up” on the mound. Ever since the Rockers drafted Reynolds, scouts have raved about his make-up, i.e. they dropped ecstasy and danced to house music with glowsticks in order to express their appreciation for how his make-up accentuates his natural beauty without making him look whore-ish (was that joke too easy?). What “make-up” actually means is that he doesn’t LITERALLY shit himself on the mound.

Parentheses.

Quotes.

-Dude, it was so funny, I LITERALLY shit my pants.

-Wow. What did you do with your shitty pants?

-No, dude. I didn’t ACTUALLY shit my pants, I LITERALLY shit my pants. You don’t get it.

End quotes (Thank you David Cross).

End Parentheses.

So there is definitely an upside that was visible. There was also the downside.

He struck out one person in 5.2 deep. ONE! He is playing into the sinker-baller mold. This means that Reynolds lives and dies by BABIP. Like his co-sinkerfireamacator, Aaaaaaron Cook, who has had a lot of BABIP help so far, he needs to learn to strike more duderinos out, or else he may find a lot of hits dropping when his luck and defense catch up to him. Reynolds appears to have the “stuff” to strike guys out, but he doesn’t get the K, k? Baseball Prospectus (or the creators of what should be the official baseball bible) calculated Reynolds to have a Stuff rating of -14 in ’06 and 11 in ’07. This suggests that his ability to dominate hitters is inconsistent. And if you are a fan of Joe Morgan, you know that consistency is the most important thing ever in the history of baseball, ever (I think I just hindered my argument, like a lot).

I think with his command, the Rockies solid defense, and, most importantly, his precision with lipstick and mascara, Reynolds should be relatively successful at the major league level this year. His fastball, change, and curvepiece all move like K-Fed in You Got Served. Someone teach him how to throw one of them pitch thingies out of the zone with two strikes, please.

Today's Random Quote:

"Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing." - Dwight K. Schrute (Rainn Wilson) in some episode of the American version of The Office