Watching tonight’s game reminded me of the movie Major League III: Back to the Minors starring the irreplaceable Scott Bakula. You know the movie, where the hotshot AAA manager of a group of misfits challenges the arrogant Major League team owner to a game just to prove how much their heart can overcome the talent of the big club. Of course, Scott Bakula prevails in the Hollywood ending. Watching tonight’s game was like watching what would happen to the minor league team in real life. With the lineup we’re throwing out there every night for at least the next few weeks, I fear we might be in for many similar sickening contests.
1) Our “starter” Jorge de la Rosa, who was only our starter because no one else this side of Spilly is going to replace him, served up more meatballs than Emeril Lagasse. No matter how hard you throw a fastball, and Rosie can only get it up to 93 when he muscles up, if there is no movement on it Major League hitters will rock you. Facing the Phillies lineup right now is like running head first into a moving buzzsaw. After scoring 15 runs yesterday against the Astros they put up another 20 off our “pitching staff” tonight. This has to be Rosie's last start for the Rockies because we can’t continue to throw AA pitchers (at best) into the fire of a Major League season. By the way, Rosie was the guy that Dan O’Dowd thought so highly of that he felt it necessary to trade Ramon Ramirez to the Royals back in Spring Training. What has Ram Ram done so far in Kansas City? He’s sporting a sick 2.14 ERA with 25 strikeouts in 21 innings pitched. You think we could have used those numbers in our underachieving bullpen? Dealin’ Dan strikes again.
2) After the top of the first inning in which Spilly blasted a 3 run shot to give us a short lived lead (and the only bright spot of the entire night), the Rockies were outscored 20-1. Three Phillies hitters had 4 or more RBIs including famed Rockie killer Chase Utley who totaled a whopping 6. Out of the 6 Rockies pitchers used, Manny Corpas was the most impressive and with his track record from this season, that’s never a good sign. We totaled 8 walks and 19 hits allowed. We also struck out 10 times including an inexcusable 7 against soft tossing, 45 year old lefty Jamie Moyer who last cracked 90 miles an hour on a pitch during the Clinton era. It’s one thing to be a team full of impatient young hitters who have trouble staying back against a crafty veteran, but to not make any adjustments throughout the course of a 9 inning ball game is just indefensible. We’ve prided ourselves on the depth of our farm system and now it’s their time to prove that they’re either prepared for prime time or just another part of our pitiful problems.
3) 20 runs given up by our “pitching staff” in today’s ballgame wasn’t just impressively horrid, it was unwatchable. I found myself enthralled in American Gladiators which was much more entertaining than that sorry excuse for a baseball game. Those contenders on that show have heart that our “pitching staff” can only wish for. One contender actually dislocated his left shoulder during the Eliminator obstacle course, popped it back in, and finished the course in near record time. Oh yeah, and he was legally deaf as well. Why am I talking about American Gladiators on a blog about Rocky Mountain sports? Well, would you want to keep discussing topics that make you want to find the nearest cement wall, take a running start, and just see if you can bash your head right through it? I didn’t think so.
Our first trip back to Philly since our triumph last Rocktober was like watching the new Indiana Jones right after watching Raiders of the Lost Ark. No only did it leave us yearning for past successes, but it made us want to vomit and throw things at our tv.
Go, um, Rapids.
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