Q: Are we not men? A: We are Clint Barmes!

There is a Rockies shortstop that has been inhuman this year. And I don’t mean that they are a major asshole, or a private asshole (Spaceballs! Woo!). I mean that they played superior to their human abilities. Is it Troy Tulowitzki? No. Omar Quintanilla? Jamey Carroll? Aaron Miles? Desi Relaford? No. No. No. No. It’s Clinton Barmes—of deer meat infamy.

It looks like April 2005 every time Barmes comes up to the plate. Whenever Kenny Chesney’s “Back Where I Come From” chimes on in the Coors Field loudspeakers, I can feel the buzz of Sin City, while I, in my nerdiness, eagerly await Palindromes. It hearkens back to some unknown, who projected as a utility infielder, rocking the baseball world (or the world within the state of Colorado).

Then there was that fateful deer. It viciously attacked Barmes, causing him to trip, fall down the stairs, and break his collarbone. After the deer intentionally destroyed his collarbone, Barmes lived in fear of that deer. When he looked up at the pitcher from home plate, he saw it with bright red eyes, snorting fire/smoke. The fear inevitably caused him to blow at hitting—for about 700 plate appearances.

This year, however, Barmes is fuckin’ shit up old school with a line as such: .357/.393/.565/.958. For a shortstop (well, for just about any position) that line is ridiculous; ridiculous to the tune of a .314 EqA. Barmes is also ranked 26^th in all of baseball in VORP, despite having 60-70 fewer plate appearances than most of the people ahead of him. He has been one of the Rockies’ most valuable hitting commodities, after Matt Holliday and Garrett Atkins, respectively.

Will has raking and rakishness last? I guess we’ll see. It doesn’t really bode well for Barmes, though. His career minor league line: .285/.342/.421/.763. That’s not very good. That’s not even close to comparable to what he has done thus far this season. Could he overachieve past his minor league numbers? It’s possible. Matt Holliday did it (minor league OPS: .777, major league OPS: .935), but Matt Holliday is a special case.

There is something else to note. Clint Barmes’ BABIP right now is .394. This means that Barmes is getting lucky. Sometime soon some of those hits that have been dropping aren’t going to drop anymore. Barmes also doesn’t take a lot of walks. So it’s a good bet that Barmes’ OBP will soon plummet to league average or possibly lower.

It is possible that he’ll have some crazily improbable year that goes against physics, but that’s about as likely as the new Star Trek movie being good, and it has some jerk not named Shatner playing Captain James Tiberius Kirk (that’s right, I’m a nerd and I’m not ashamed to admit it). It would be great for the Rockies and for Barmes if he could keep it going, but somehow I can’t believe that Barmes will continue to perform about as well as Chipper Jones has for his entire career. Call me a pessimist if you like. Might as well enjoy the ride while it lasts though.

Today's Random Quote:

"Whoo-wee. Shut my mouth. Slap your grandma. There outta be a law. Get the Sheriff on the phone. Lord have mercy, how'd she even get them britches on that honky tonk badonkadonk?" Trace Adkins in hit song "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"