Ignore the dumb title. ‘Twas dumb for the sake of dumb; like postdumberism, or something. Neverthenonetheless, the CU Buffs’ spring game this year was full of hope. No, that’s a lie. It was full of kids who wanted to be outside on the sunniest, hottest day of the new year and maybe get their buzz on. There was more roster checking and “who the hell is number…?” than cheering.
Cody Hawkins, whom most probably wanted to see throw a few passes, threw what seemed like two passes, one of which was a decently thrown touchdown. Everyone was pretty proud of him since it’s not often they allow dwarves to play quarterback, even if they are the coach’s son. Outside of the two times that Dan let Cody throw, there were endless option runs, reverses and boredom. Few fans were even watching the game. By the start of the second half, the student section was practically empty, gone to get plowed on The Hill.
There was some excitement, though, when one of the team’s top two recruits (Ralphie V) was unveiled at Folsom (Darrell Scott can’t play until he’s actually enrolled at the school). She took her runners for a ride; they could barely control her. One of them actually got trampled (though he was fine). Ralphie V could dominate some offensive lineman if Hawkins put her at defensive tackle. The new Ralphie could use a bit of practice, though. It seems like a circle is a little hard for her at the moment. She decided to stop near the southern endzone and it took about five dudes, and Dan Hawkins telling her “It’s Division I football!” to get her to run to her trailer.
Outside of Ralphie V and Cody’s two highlights, the football looked pretty pathetic. Either the defensive line is incredible (starters and reserves) or the offensive line is terrible. I hypothesize the latter. The pocket collapsed like Roger Clemens in front of a congressional hearing. I misremember, but I think there were more points off of blocked punts and field goals than runs or passes. Obviously it is a spring game and they aren’t going to be ready, but they looked like a junior high touch-football team could beat them.
Dan Hawkins is supposed to be a great coach and recruiter, and he has recruited some good players so far, but he hasn’t coached them all that well yet. Hawkins’ 97% reverse offense in last year’s bowl game was about as effective as Shelley Duvall’s performance in The Shining. Though Sports Illustrated ranked CU #1 in drunkest college football fans, it’ll be a long while before CU is ranked #1 by the BCS in football playing ability. I wonder if fan drunkenness goes up as football playing ability goes down. Or are they mutually exclusive?
1 comment:
That title was pretty Woodrow of you.
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