Talk about precocious...

It was revealed today that Miguel Tejada faked his age coming out of the Dominican Republic as a prospect. He is, in fact, 33 instead of his purported age of 31. His true age was, embarrassingly, right on his passport. Because of this, the Rockies decided to make sure they had no foreign-born players lying about their age by checking everyone's passports. The Rockies were pleasantly surprised to find out that Canadian-born Jeff Francis is actually 14, rather than his listed age of 27. Francis has often been called baby-faced, and lo and behold, he truly is baby-faced. This means instead of making his major league debut at the age of 24, Francis was only 11--by far the youngest player in major league history. Rockies manager Clint Hurdle had this to say: "I can't go out drinking with him any more. Shit!"

While a player claiming to be older than he truly is can be bad publicity for a team, finding out that a player is actually younger could prove to be great publicity. The Rockies anticipate a sky rocket in ticket sales when Francis is pitching. Much as the Cubs did in the Daniel Stern-directed Rookie of the Year, the Rockies aim to take advantage of Francis' young age. A spokesman for the team says they have already planned promotional days including: Free Pokemon Day (as in free -of-charge Pokemon, not free the imprisoned Pokemon), Free Jolt Cola to Get Buzzed On Day, We'll Do Your Social Studies Homework While You Watch the Game Day, and Dress Up Like Power Rangers Day. At a press conference this afternoon, Francis said, "Mommy, can I have my snaky now." His mom then gave him his cookies and milk and told him it was bedtime.

Perhaps this will bring about a new age in baseball, in which players are drafted out of junior high, rather than after high school. Here's to hoping.