I’m going to do one of Master Masterson’s recaps, except for the whole Rockies season to this point…
So, Yorvit Torrealba is taking some Rockies on a clothes shopping trip; maybe he should take Dan O’Dowd on a players shopping trip. The ones Clint Hurdle throws out there everyday aren’t getting it done. Not even close.
Some of the players are talented, but talent doesn’t win games; I’m pretty sure hitting, pitching and defense win games; though I’m not positive. The Rockies can’t hit (20th in team OPS). They can’t pitch (24th in team WHIP). Ok, I guess they are alright at fielding, but certainly not great. Put that all together and 10-16 is almost decent.
Look at the starting lineup:
Willy Taveras – not very good, period
Todd Helton – doing decently
Matt Holliday – just murdering the ball right now (could improve his slugging)
Garrett Atkins – decent, but OBP needs work, big time
Brad Hawpe – what happened?
Troy Tulowitzki – what happened?—times infinity
Clint Barmes – overachievement is a pleasant surprise
Yorvit Torrealba – terrible hitter who shouldn’t start
The only way that lineup is going to put up any wins is if you have 12 Jake Peavy’s and Johan Santana’s pitching for you. Instead, the Rockies have a bunch of ‘07 Jeff Weaver’s. Jeff Francis must have been taken over by a T-1000, hell bent on destroying the Rockies (Terminator 2 shreds!). U-ball-four-do Jimenez has twice as many wild pitches as anyone in baseball and seems to believe that baserunners are a good thing. Franklin Delano Morales has more balks than strikeouts (untrue, but wouldn’t surprise me). Then there is Manny Corpas who seems to have been taken over by a T-2000 or something that can blow saves with its mind and telepathically communicate with a hitter, telling them exactly what it’s about to throw. The pitching staff looks replacement level right now—not good!
What do we do now? Scrap and rebuild? Billy Beane’s A’s have the best record in the AL in a “rebuilding” year. Sadly, comparing Billy Beane to Dan O’Dowd is illegal in most states, when it’s not a joke (please don’t tell the feds on me). The Rockies look destitute right now. What is more indicative of the year than Tulo slamming a bat or helmet and yelling after half of his plate appearances? All that slamming and yelling doesn’t seem to be helping anyone. I refuse to believe that my favorite baseball player is just acting. Winning must be more important to him than $31 mil over 6 years. Right?
Maybe I’m being pessimistic and premature. After all, the Rockies started out pretty poorly last year. I just don’t see the 21-1 fluke happening again; as much as I want it to. I feel like the old Rockies fan in me is coming back. I no longer turn on the TV expecting them to win. I turn it on in hopes of them maybe staving off their screw ups until at least the seventh inning. Where is Jamey Wright? Where is Choo Freeman? Danny Ardoin? If they are going to lose so much, at least they could have comically bad players. I feel like it is 2005 all over again. Will it be the eternal recurrence of the Rockies’ washout same? Pretty please, no. With sugar on top. And a cherry. Hell, I’ll throw in a fiver, nay, a twenty. Is that enough?
If I had a couple hundred million dollars, I would gladly give it to the Rockies. My only condition would be that they drop Dan O'Dowd and hire David Forst as GM.
This is turning into a Dan O'Dowd slander site.
Today’s Random Quote:
“Hell?!?!? (points to his head) This is hell. Right Here!” – Benicio Del Toro in 21 Grams
I just thought of the most depressing line from the most depressing movie that I could think of. Depression is apropos right now if you are a Colorado sports fan.
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