Rox Recap 4/29/08 (Karma is Alive and Well and Living in San Francisco)

To say that Tuesday night’s Rockies game was a bit strange would be like saying Andrew Dice Clay's brand of stand up comedy was only kind of misogynistic (but completely unfunny.) Catchers were playing third base, third basemen were playing second base, half our roster just went on the DL I believe (forgive me if I’m exaggerating) but it’s hard to figure out what to make of it. I’ll take a W any way I can though at this point. I’m actually going out on a limb here and saying that I was the reason we won last night. The entire year my desktop background on my computer was a picture of Tulo from re-Opening Day after he scored the go ahead run of a 2-1 victory. Tulo hasn’t exactly had the best run of success thus far, but the picture was so perfect, I was hesitant to change it. Finally, after our 4-0 drubbing on Monday, enough was enough and I changed it to a picture of everybody’s favorite deity, John Elway holding up the Vince Lombardi trophy after our Super Bowl XXXII victory. I change it, we win. Coincidence?

1) Ok, let’s get the roster confusion out of the way first. Franklin Morales was sent down to AAA to get his fastball command and mechanics in order. Long reliever and rotation candidate Kip Wells was sent back to Denver with what could be a serious hand injury. Mark Redman was moved to the bullpen to add about 15-20 mph on his fastball. Slick fielding, light hitting infielder Omar Quintanilla was called up to replace Morales’ roster spot and he will be inserted almost immediately into the starting lineup as Jeff Baker burst a blood vessel in his finger during warm-ups and couldn’t play and Troy Tulowitzki suffered a groin injury (is there any more painful?) in the first inning and had to come out. That meant Skip Hurdle had to shuffle some cards around and he went all in by moving Garrett Atkins to second base, Clint Barmes to shortstop, and his most genius move, putting backup catcher (should be starting, Clint. Read Frost Brewed Baseball more) Christ Iannetta at third. I was going to make an Abbott and Costello joke about Who’s on first but Troy Renck of the Denver Post beat me to the punch. Neither Atkins nor Iannetta had played a pitch at either of these positions but they wound up making some nifty albeit spectacular plays respectively as they showcased their virile versatility. With the myriad of players soon to be on the DL or at the very least incapacitated for a few days, we could see a roster turnover akin to the Todd and the Toddlers days. Ian Stewart could be on the fast track to the Mile High City, so could veteran starter Josh Towers or soon to be rookie pitching sensation Greg Reynolds. Stewart especially has been tearing it up in AAA carrying a .281 average with 6 hrs and 21 RBIs in 23 games.

2) So what does Iannetta do with his surprise start at a premium position? Oh nothing, just go 2-2 with a walk, a double, 2 runs, and a blast off the Napoleonic Tim Lincecum to dead center field that would have been out of any park except Yellowstone. He also scored the winning run on a Lincecum balk, a true sign that Elway himself was sick of the Rockies losing. Chris needs more at bats to prove that this is the real Chris Iannetta, not the shadow of his true self we saw last year.

3) Aaron Cook did it again, folks. We finally have what we’ve been waiting for with him for the last 5 seasons. Though he gave up 10 hits in 7 innings of work, he only allowed 2 runs (0 earned thanks to Todd’s inexplicable drop of an easy throw by Tulo in the first) and didn’t allow a run past said first inning. He also struck out 3 and lowered his ERA to a team best 2.41. If our other 4 starters pitched half as well as Cookie so far, we’d be the talk of the NL.

Baseball is a funny game. It always has a way of evening itself out. You hit 3 rocket shots right at someone and go hitless, the next day you hit a couple Texas Leaguers and a dying quail and you’re 3-3. If this game was baseball’s way of evening things out for the Rockies, we could be in for a very interesting season. Ubaldo starts today to keep his spot in the rotation, but after last night, we might not have enough arms to replace him should he struggle. Is Roger Clemens available? We could use a little of his country twang. What, too soon?

Rox Recap 4/28/08 (The Reign of Cain Adds Greatly to My Pain)

I must apologize from the start to all my loyal readers (you know who the four of you are. Hi Mom and Dad!) I wasn’t paying very close attention to the Rockies game with the Giants last night because Eddie, starring the best actress ever with no eyebrows Whoopi Goldberg, was on AMC and frankly, it was exponentially more enthralling than watching our sorry asses get whipped by a team nearly everyone picked to be in last place. I would almost rather have watched the Little-Engine-That-Couldn’t Nuggets self destruct against the less talented Lakers. Instead I sat there listlessly, making casual glances to my computer screen before averting my eyes back to the feel good story about the Knicks of all teams that came through the boob tube.

1) I know we haven’t had the greatest success against Matt Cain in his career. He’s 5-3 with a 3.12 ERA and always seems to keep the Rockies bats in check when he’s not allowing 496 foot home runs to Big Daddy. By the way, the only positive aspect of watching the game last night was that they showed that replay of Matt running around the bases screaming “Yeah, bitch” at Cain. Priceless. Like I said, I know he’s had success but coming into yesterday’s game he was only 1-2 with a 5.27 ERA and not pitching like the dominant Cain we’ve come to know and hate. Of course, that didn’t matter as the Rockies mustered only 4 hits. I feel like Bob Uecker in Major League. 4 hits? 4 goddamn hits? When will the madness end? I changed my computer background from a picture of Tulo on Opening Day to a picture of God Elway himself after Super Bowl XXXII in hopes that karma will take over and good things will start happening, but I’m becoming more and more discouraged with each passing day.

2) It seems like Garrett is the only Rockie who can get hits consistently as he had a pair to extend his hitting streak to a solid 13 games. Now for the laundry list of problems affecting the Rox this year: Jayson Nix has been optioned back to AAA after hitting a robust .111 in his first chance to start in the Major Leagues and will clear waivers in a couple days. Clint Barmes has cooled off a bit after his scorching start and has seen his playing time at second base temporarily supplanted by Jeff Baker who’s trying to add some pop to a lifeless lineup. Willy T is publically questioning his playing time after sitting out three consecutive games last week. Scotty Pods and Spilly are playing well enough to warrant some playing time of their own and it’s tough to find time for 5 guys when only three spots are available per game. Ubaldo Jimenez, Franklin Morales, and Mark Redman are all in serious trouble of losing their rotation spots. Jimenez doesn’t have any options left so he’s stuck with the big club as the Rox would have to be committed to an institution if they put him on waivers. Morales could be sent to the Springs to work out the kinks but Redman would probably just be cut from the team if he continues to underperform. Top pitching prospect Greg Reynolds has begun to bust out of an early season funk in AAA and finally got his first win last week pitching 8 strong innings. The Rockies’ brass probably wants to get him more time before they tell him to make the hour long drive up the interstate to Denver. We also have former Major League starter Josh Towers in the Springs who has experience in that role. Kip Wells had one of the spots in my mind before coming in last night to clean up Frankie K’s mess and immediately throwing 9 pitches, 8 balls to walk in 2 runs. I just don’t know anymore…I just don’t know.

3) Skip Hurdle did everything he could to rally the troops by getting tossed for the first time the season for arguing a balk call against Frankie K in the first inning. He was either really adamant about the point he was trying to make or he just didn’t want to see the ugliness unfold either. I don’t blame ya, Clint.

The Rox face another young flamethrower in Tim Lincecum on Tuesday who carries a 1-0 record in 2 career starts against the Rockies. This kid’s 5’11” and throws 99 mph. The Rockies couldn’t hit Barry Zito if they faced him right now. I think I smell what the Rock is cookin, and I don’t think it’s the tour de force film starring Nicholas Cage.

Season Recap (Insert catchy title here (I’m exhausted and the Rockies only exhaust me further))

I’m going to do one of Master Masterson’s recaps, except for the whole Rockies season to this point…

So, Yorvit Torrealba is taking some Rockies on a clothes shopping trip; maybe he should take Dan O’Dowd on a players shopping trip. The ones Clint Hurdle throws out there everyday aren’t getting it done. Not even close.

Some of the players are talented, but talent doesn’t win games; I’m pretty sure hitting, pitching and defense win games; though I’m not positive. The Rockies can’t hit (20^th in team OPS). They can’t pitch (24^th in team WHIP). Ok, I guess they are alright at fielding, but certainly not great. Put that all together and 10-16 is almost decent.

Look at the starting lineup:

Willy Taveras – not very good, period

Todd Helton – doing decently

Matt Holliday – just murdering the ball right now (could improve his slugging)

Garrett Atkins – decent, but OBP needs work, big time

Brad Hawpe – what happened?

Troy Tulowitzki – what happened?—times infinity

Clint Barmes – overachievement is a pleasant surprise

Yorvit Torrealba – terrible hitter who shouldn’t start

The only way that lineup is going to put up any wins is if you have 12 Jake Peavy’s and Johan Santana’s pitching for you. Instead, the Rockies have a bunch of ‘07 Jeff Weaver’s. Jeff Francis must have been taken over by a T-1000, hell bent on destroying the Rockies (Terminator 2 shreds!). U-ball-four-do Jimenez has twice as many wild pitches as anyone in baseball and seems to believe that baserunners are a good thing. Franklin Delano Morales has more balks than strikeouts (untrue, but wouldn’t surprise me). Then there is Manny Corpas who seems to have been taken over by a T-2000 or something that can blow saves with its mind and telepathically communicate with a hitter, telling them exactly what it’s about to throw. The pitching staff looks replacement level right now—not good!

What do we do now? Scrap and rebuild? Billy Beane’s A’s have the best record in the AL in a “rebuilding” year. Sadly, comparing Billy Beane to Dan O’Dowd is illegal in most states, when it’s not a joke (please don’t tell the feds on me). The Rockies look destitute right now. What is more indicative of the year than Tulo slamming a bat or helmet and yelling after half of his plate appearances? All that slamming and yelling doesn’t seem to be helping anyone. I refuse to believe that my favorite baseball player is just acting. Winning must be more important to him than $31 mil over 6 years. Right?

Maybe I’m being pessimistic and premature. After all, the Rockies started out pretty poorly last year. I just don’t see the 21-1 fluke happening again; as much as I want it to. I feel like the old Rockies fan in me is coming back. I no longer turn on the TV expecting them to win. I turn it on in hopes of them maybe staving off their screw ups until at least the seventh inning. Where is Jamey Wright? Where is Choo Freeman? Danny Ardoin? If they are going to lose so much, at least they could have comically bad players. I feel like it is 2005 all over again. Will it be the eternal recurrence of the Rockies’ washout same? Pretty please, no. With sugar on top. And a cherry. Hell, I’ll throw in a fiver, nay, a twenty. Is that enough?

If I had a couple hundred million dollars, I would gladly give it to the Rockies. My only condition would be that they drop Dan O'Dowd and hire David Forst as GM.

This is turning into a Dan O'Dowd slander site.

Today’s Random Quote:

“Hell?!?!? (points to his head) This is hell. Right Here!” – Benicio Del Toro in 21 Grams

I just thought of the most depressing line from the most depressing movie that I could think of. Depression is apropos right now if you are a Colorado sports fan.

Rox Weekend Recap 4/27/08 (April: the new Sweeps month)

Slowly and surely, my endless optimism is disappearing as our boys in purple seemingly find new ways to lose each and every ballgame so far in this short season. This past weekend’s worth of games were no different as the Rox were swept by los Los Angeles Doyers in their three game set. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact problem with the ballclub because there are different aspects of the game the Rockies seem to fail on a consistent basis. In addition to our bullpen's failure to launch (now on DVD) last week, starting pitching doomed us Friday night as Ubaldo Jimenez came one step closer to getting an all-expenses paid trip down I-25 to Colorado Springs to work out whatever the hell is wrong with him. Saturday night more starting pitching woes led to a preposterous 10 run first inning that immediately vomited back the rare 2-0 lead we’d taken off legendary Rockies killer Brad Penny. And finally on Sunday our clutch hitting disappeared as Jeff Francis tossed his second quality start of the year going 7 innings and only allowing 2 runs. Unfortunately, we were facing everybody’s favorite 6^th starter Esteban Loaiza and could only muster 2 runs of our own until Manny Corpas extended his streak of shitty appearances to, well, it seems like forever.

1) Tulo’s pressing. He seems way too anxious when he gets to the plate and is jumping at first pitches that he wouldn’t normally chase. When he finally does get a pitch he finds to his liking, it seems the best result we see from him is a foul ball straight back behind the plate. It doesn’t appear that Tulo is missing solid contact by very much, but with each failed at bat, he sees his average on the Jumbotron dip even lower. That makes him try even harder in his next plate appearance instead of just relaxing and letting his Elway-given talent take over. He’s hitting just .157 on the year and a depressing .083 with runners in scoring position and 2 outs this season including an unclutch (is that a word?) double play ball with the bases loaded and 1 out in the 8^th inning on Sunday. At this time last year, he was hitting .185 and just beginning to turn his slow start around, so here’s hopin he’s on the fast track to gettin back to hittin jacks.

2) Ubaldo Jimenez is in serious danger of losing his spot in the Rockies rotation. His line from Friday night’s ballgame was so killer that if his next start garners similar numbers it might as well read like an obituary. 2.1 innings, 6 runs, 7 hits, and 3 walks to go along with 3 wild pitches. It was rare that he even threw a pitch in the vicinity of the home plate area. Skip Hurdle after the game said that even he’s not sure where Jimenez stands now. He didn’t even have a snappy quote to lob Jimenez’ way. That’s when you know you might be in the doghouse with Hurdle. He’s probably got one more start to get back in good faith with the organization and the fans, but if he doesn’t perform up to the obvious skill level of his stuff, a trip to Colorado Springs might be in order to get his mind and mechanics back to where they need to be.

3) The only one of our starting pitchers with an ERA under 5.00 is Aaron Cook, who’s acted as a stopper for a struggling ball club that needs at least one man in their rotation to give them a quality outing every time. Here’s how our starting pitcher’s ERA reads: Francis- 5.01, Jimenez- 6.46, Morales- 6.00, and Mark Redman- 7.43. Redman’s pitched about as well as the rapper of the same name and honestly should be concerned about his spot on the ballclub too. The thing is, with no one really banging down the door in the Colorado Springs rotation, there aren’t an enticing amount of options for the boys in purple. Kip Wells should be able to supplant at least one of them as he has a 2.29 ERA and has pitched impressively throughout the year, including the re-Opening Day start in St. Louis. The only viable option I see in the Springs is veteran reliever turned spot starter Jose Capellan who in 3 starts carries a 3.94 ERA and a 2-0 record. He was just called up to the big club to help band-aid the bullpen and pitched well in his first two innings of work on Saturday. Frankly, that’s about it though and we might just have to hope the guys we have figure it out soon.

I came to a bitter realization today. It’s hard for me to say, but right now, we suck. It’s still INCREDIBLY early in the season to be really worried, but this team is too talented to be playing the way we have been so far. At least we’re facing the Giants in our next series, but the bad news is we’re facing Matt Cain and Tim Lincecum, two of the best young pitchers in baseball. We’ve got to turn it around some time. Why not starting tomorrow?

Commercial Update: Good Music?!?!?!

Has anyone else noticed how there has been some really good music in sports commercials lately? Saul Williams' "List of Demands (Reparations)" is in a Nike commercial featuring Matt "Big Daddy" Holiday. Buck 65's "Jaws of Life" is used in an "NBA: Where Amazing Happens" commercial. Also Radiohead's (of all bands) "House of Cards" is in a NBA playoff commercial. What's the effin' deal? That's really my only insight on this--confusion--which really isn't insight at all. I guess it's better than shitty music.

Also: Ryan Clady--good. Eddie Royal--Huh? Whatever, Go Broncos!
Also, Also: Go Jordan Dizon getting picked early in the second round! Who saw that coming?

From the writers and producers of Waiting to Exhale...

…And the people who brought you Independence Day, comes the next masterpiece from Academy Award winner Steven Spielberg—The 2008 NFL Draft (brought to you by Rocky Mountain cold Coors Light).

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INT. Radio City Music Hall – Afternoon

Rowdy fans crowded in the upper deck, cheering sporadically. Five ESPN analysts sit around a glossy desk, wearing sharply refined suits. Lower in the hall, closer to the stage, sit several team representatives huddling around computer screens and telephones. The stage is brightly lit with a futuristic neon design. The suspense is palpable.

The COMISSIONER walks slowly across the stage to the podium.

COMISSIONER

With first overall pick in the 2008 draft, the Miami Dolphins select Jake Long.

JETS FANS

Booooooooooooooooooooooooo!

CUT TO:

The COMISSIONER walks slowly across the stage to the podium.

COMISSIONER

With the second overall pick in the 2008 draft, the St. Louis Rams select Chris Long

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And on and on and on. The first round of the draft went much as it was scripted. The six “green room” athletes were the first six picks. There were no Brady Quinn’s snuggling with their girlfriends, whispering homophobic nothings about the teams passing on them into their girlfriend's ear. With many of the picks, Mel Kiper Jr., Berman, Keyshawn Johnson* and the gang suggested a pick, then Commissioner Roger Goodell walked up the podium and echoed their choice. Was it the decreased time between picks? Were teams pandering to draft clichés because they didn’t have time to be original?

There were the occasional Ted Ginn Jr.’s (surprises): Joe Flacco in the first round, Gosder Cherilus’ cool name surging him 10-15 picks up the board. It could also be considered a surprise (as well as impossible) that there were 49 offensive tackles selected in the 31-pick first round. Perhaps teams are finally buying-in to the time-tested credo that games are won and lost on the line of scrimmage.

ESPN, meanwhile, sold-out to noticeably frequent commercial breaks. The highlight of those breaks—the myriad new press conference Coors Light commercials, all of which were up to Coors’ exalted standard—Jimmy Johnson hair jokes abound. The lowlight—an Under Armour advertisement, which was played in almost every commercial break. The commercial included Ray Lewis with a wrathful look on his face, which frightens me, rather than convinces me to purchase Under Armour products. But that’s just me. And I'm not sure if he can hide a knife in spandex or not.

With all the lack of drama, meager surprises, and rampant commercials, the script for this year’s draft was rather sub-par; it may have even been a double bogey (an Alien Vs. Predator caliber script). We NFL fans turned on the TV hopefully this afternoon. Our expectations of an emotional roller coaster were quickly smitten, within the span of the first six picks. There is always tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow but the fourth through seventh rounds lack the prestige of the first few rounds. It seems as though the fun of this year’s draft won’t show itself until we see the breakout players in the next few years.

*Keyshawn Johnson was wearing a tan suit with a checkered shirt and pink tie; he even topped the stellar outfit off with a dark green, Tom Brady-esque pocket square. The only improvement I can think of would be a neon green ascot and a shiny purple suit. I don’t personally like the guy too much, but he sure knows how to dress.

Today's Random Quote:

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum." - "Rowdy" Roddy Piper in John Carpenter's They Live

Note: I learned how to link to stuff! That's why there are so many.

Oh yeah, I know someone in the Major Leagues

Congratulations are definitely in order for my cousin Justin Masterson after his scintillating Major League debut yesterday for the Boston Red Sox against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim not including Orange County but parts of Bakersfield. Making an emergency start since the flu bug (hopefully the plague) was barreling its way through the Red Sox clubhouse as a result of the Sox players’ constant make out parties, my cousin was called up from Double A Portland to see what he could do. One of the top prospects in the entire organization, my cousin straight up put the realness on the Angels. In 6 innings, he gave up only 2 hits, 1 run, and racked up 4 k’s while throwing 95 pitches, 58 for strikes. He made the Angels lineup, the second most powerful in the American League, look like they’d spent the whole night before drinking S’more Schnapps. He’s got a bit of an unorthodox delivery and it consistently kept the Angels off balance. His power sinking fastball was clocked anywhere from 90-94 with a darting slider and a whiffle ball changeup to go along with it. Though he was sent right back down to AA after the start, his performance showed it won’t be too much longer before he’s back for good to paraphrase the 90s smash hit by the English boy band Take That. On top of being probably one of the 3 nicest people on earth, my cousin is perfectly built to play baseball. At 6’6” and 250 lbs, he’s a force to be reckoned with on the mound. Here’s his profile in Milb.com: http://www.minorleaguebaseball.com/milb/stats/stats.jsp?n=Justin%20Masterson&pos=P&sid=milb&t=p_pbp&pid=475416. His nickname is Mr. Clean because of his pitching prowess and uncanny resemblance to the beefcake that takes all the grease and grime from your stovetops and linoleum floors. The only drawback to my cousin being a Major League pitching star will be that it makes me root for the Red Sox at least once every 5^th day and poses the earth shattering question: Can I perform the unthinkable and actually buy a Masterson Red Sox jersey? Stay tuned as I will be wrestling my ethics for that answer for quite some time. Anyway, congratulations cousin, you made the Masterson family proud and put our name on the map before I had a chance to.

Rox Recap 4/24/08 (It's Been Awhile...)

The Rockies bullpen loves to make history. Last year closer Brian Fuentes became the first reliever in the modern era to blow four consecutive save opportunities, taking the losses in each of the four games. With their embarrassing ‘splosion this week blowing four straight games in which the Rox held leads in the 8^th inning or later, they became only the second team in the last 100 years to accomplish that dubious honor. Forgive the Rockies if they don’t make a DVD of those highlights. What would they call it? 21 Days Later?

1) The club will look a bit different at least for the next few weeks. Manny Corpas is out as closer after blowing 3 straight save opportunities and only going 4 of 8 on the year. His 7.50 ERA wasn’t helping his case either. Brian Fuentes is back. Staind never sounded so beautiful…as if that was even possible. T Rex looked hella good in his first opportunity against the Cubbies, taking the heart of their order down 1-2-3 with 2 k’s including a knee-buckling 3 pitch, 3 slider strikeout of the hottest Japanese sensation since the art of Japanimation, Kosuke Fukudome. (By the way, is there a man with a more obscene name in the big leagues? Fuk-u-do-me. That’s just inappropriate.) Rex is back where he always wanted to be and yesterday he looked to be pitching with a purpose. I don’t care who gets it done just as long as someone does because as I’ve said before, there is nothing more demoralizing to a team than thinking you have a game won only to lose it late. Then multiply that by 4. Since I can’t do math, I’ll leave that to you guys, but I can hypothesize that the solution isn’t awesome.

2) What more can you say about Cookie so far this year? He’s 3-1 with a 2.91 ERA and all 3 of his wins have come after Rockies losses. We’re paying him big bucks to do exactly what he’s been doing, being efficient with his pitches, pitching deep into ballgames, and throwing ground ball after ground ball. He also contributed 2 hits to help his cause as he’s been the best pitcher on the Rockies’ staff by far this season. He’s got the stuff to sustain a roll like this for a while longer with that heavy sinker and his newfound cut fastball.

3) Chris Iannetta hit his first home run of the year yesterday, a high fly ball that reached the glove of the fans in the first row, or as they’d call it in Philadelphia, an upper deck blast. More importantly though, it broke a 1 all tie and swelled the hearts of Frost Brewed Baseball contributors everywhere, ok, just Eric and me, but it was still nice to see.

The Rox head to the West Coast once again to take on the Los Angeles Dodgers (pronounced “los Los An-yay-lace Doy-ers). After his last start, Clint Hurdle took Ubaldo Jimenez aside and told him that they actually do play a full 9 innings in every Major League game as he was under the impression that anything after 6 was considered extra innings. Also, his arrogant trick of walking a bunch of guys just to prove he can get out of trouble wasn’t flying with the skipper. Starship Troopers is awesome and everyone should stop reading this and go watch it right now.

NBA: Where embarrassment happens.

If you’re from Los Angeles, the NBA may still be where amazing happens. But if you hail from the great state of Colorado, the NBA is where pathetic happens. It’s where laziness happens. It’s where giving up happens.

The Denver Nuggets have the best team in the NBA—on paper. On the court, they have a miscellany, a gallimaufry, if you will (thank you thesaurus). They have a disarray of talented players seemingly unaware of what their other teammates are doing. In AI and Melo, they have incredible offensive talents capable of racking up 25-30 PPG every year. In Camby, they have the erstwhile defensive player of the year who led the NBA in blocks per game and was second in rebounds per game. They also have another incredibly talented offensive and defensive player in K-Mart, even if he takes a few plays off. Add to this a passable point guard in AC and a very good bench with the big and fast Linas Kleiza, the offensive force of JR Smith and Najera hitting threes as a power forward. Sounds like a good team, no?

Uhhhh… No, it’s not.

In basketball, they call it a team for a reason. The Nuggets are not a team. A team can’t take plays off or mail it in on defense. If you want a team, look at the Spurs. Or look at the team making embarrassment happen—the Lakers. Obviously, they have possibly the best player in the NBA in Kobe Bryant; as well as another outstanding player is Pau Gasol. Outside of that, they have mostly role players and people who do their job. So far, their job seems to be to make the Nuggets look awful and they do a damn fine job of that.

I don’t what the problem is—too many egos, George Karl isn’t coaching them properly—but it needs to be fixed in a hurry. The Nuggets are better than many of the Eastern Conference teams in the playoffs, but they sure don’t look like it. The Lakers are disrespecting the Nuggets right now. I’m hoping the Nuggets’ players can maybe find some solidarity and work together in stopping this disrespect. But my hopes aren’t very high.

Was that ivy growing on the outfield walls at Coors?

Boo! It’s almost as popular as cheering and clapping. Boo! It’s the simplest expression of disapproval there is. Boo! Apparently, it is also something the Rockies get at their home park.

Rockies manager Clint Hurdle intentionally walked three Cubs over the course of tonight’s game and was booed every time. Now why would Rockies fans boo Clint Hurdle for trying to avoid good hitters (except Cedeno) and get out of innings? There are plenty of other reasons to boo Clint Hurdle. My current count is 387. Yet they booed Clint for his intentional walks—for not having the Rocky Mountain oysters to pitch to potentially dangerous hitters. That’s not really why Hurdle was booed; he was booed because the booers booing him boofully were Cubs fans. Now, I wasn’t at the game, but drawing from my knowledge of seeing the Cardinals and Cubs come to Coors and from what I saw in the stands on television, there were probably about as many Cubs fans as there were Rockies fans. And somewhere Larry Walker wept. No, scratch that. Larry Walker only cries when his tears are needed for their remedial capacity—they can cure anything from cancer to the common cold.

It’s not as though the large portion of away team fans is a continual problem—it’s usually on the days the Cubs or Cardinals come to town (or the rare occasion when the Yankees play at Coors). These franchises obviously have a lot of history as well as vast fan bases. You’d think, though, after somehow making it to the World Series last year, the Rockies would garner a bit more support. No? They’re the biggest one-hit wonders since Dexy’s Midnight Runners? (Could have gone with Vanilla Ice, but everything he’s done is a hit)

Their one-hit was enough to improve attendance, if only slightly. They are averaging about 3,000 more people (or tickets sold) per game than last year. They are also averaging the highest attendance per game since 2002. That’s a good sign. They are moving up in the world. Maybe they can be in ESPN’s Next competition. The question is: How many of those fans are Rockies fans? The Tulo chant suggests there are many. The booing suggests there aren’t enough.

I suppose they will have to post a few thousand more winning seasons before Colorado is a baseball state, though the Broncos’ firm hold on our state’s heart is loosening with each playoff-less January. One winning season is a lot to ask with Danny O’ Dowd at the helm. After all, “life is a blast when you know what you’re doing, best to know what you’re doing,” which Dan O’ Dowd doesn’t. You can’t really blame Dan, though; it’s the prerogative of every Rockies general manager to not know what they are doing.

Since a few winning seasons is probably too much to ask, I’ll put my money where my mouth is (as long as my foot isn’t already there). I’m going to go to Rockies games and boo opposing teams’ fans. For every person I see wearing a hat without a “CR” on it, I will go up to that person and say “boo you, sir” and walk away. Cruel? Borderline asshole-ish? Perhaps, but we all have to make sacrifices for what we love, even if what we love can’t seem to win any games.

Holy Heck, A Weekly Poll!

So I just added a poll dealie, which will be updated every Wednesday from now until time ceases to exist. Or for you Sandlot fans--until FORRRR-EVVVVV-ERRRRR! (I have a flashlight under my chin whilst I write this, I swear) So if we do, in fact, have readers here at Frost Brewed Baseball (or FBB for brevity enthusiasts), it would be lovely if they participated.

Also, congratulations are in order--FBB contributor Anthony Masterson's cousin (Justin Masterson) just got called up to the show by the Red Sox. Good luck, godspeed, break-a-leg (not literally) to Justin in his major league debut tomorrow.

Rox Recap 4/22/08 (The Rox Bullpen: the Futile System)

This simply will not do. In three days, our bullpen has literally gone from having the best ERA in baseball to testing the faith of even the most diehard fans (i.e. me.) Eric Gagne is laughing at our bullpen. In true old time Rockies fashion, our pen blew the late inning lead for the third game in a row. It wasn’t even Fuentes this time, but our formerly reliable closer Manny Corpas who now has only saved 4 of his 7 chances this season and watched his ERA balloon to 6.55, a number Joe Borowski would be proud of. I’m not going to write too much today because 1) I don’t have time since I’m going to be broadcasting the Kenyon College baseball team’s doubleheader against Dension University today at 5 eastern, 4 central, 3 mountain (http://www.teamline.cc/team_schedule?teamcode=1040 if any of you are interested) and 2) I was always taught that if you don’t have anything nice to say, shut your yapper and take a walk. When our offense is giving us 6 runs a game, we should be winning the majority of those instead of falling flat on our faces as we watch shittier teams than the Rockies using our own LoDo magic against us. Big Daddy and Geri-atkins are demolishing the ball and if it weren’t for our late inning impotence, they’d be the lead story. This team has shown it can be resilient by recovering after Fuentes went AWOL last June, and this is probably just a blip on the radar screen, but the questions and my heartburn won’t go away until Manny and Rex get back to the form we know they’re capable of. It’s better that they get this out of their system in April rather than August, but they can’t afford to get too far behind as the calendar turns to May.

Denvah Killah B’s, They On Tha Swarm

Before this post I need to define some terms to avoid unavoidable confusion:

Sam – strong-side linebacker

Will – weak-side linebacker

Mike – middle linebacker

Nico – singer-songwriter/actress/fashion model

It seemed like only yesterday, My Chemical Romance was cool, Tip “T.I.” Harris was the king, the Broncos could play defense. But those days have gone the way of Brokeback Mountain. Disc Jockey Williams, Captain Albert Wilson and Ian “Solid” Gold were swarming the ball and making tackles. Then Captain Al piledrove himself off the field on a stretcher… And Ian Gold forgot how to stay gold, Ponyboy… And DJ got lost when he left the turntables and tried to be Like Mike, starring Lil’ Bow Wow and Allen Iverson… And Jay Cutler couldn’t rack up 10 TDs per game to give the team a fighting chance, even if he is a stoic robot with poor hair-cutting skills.

But there is a solution—a Mike Shanahan solution—the kind that only makes sense to Shanahan and then when it doesn’t work, it’s somebody else’s fault. That’s why he has more job security than Bill Belichick and Sir Alex Ferguson (America, you’ll never understand). Blamey McShanahan is like Arsene Wenger with tenure (again… America, you’ll never understand). This new solution of Sir Michael Shanahan’s: move DJ back to Sam, have Champ get Boss to play Will and re-unite the Bailey family (Do they have any other brothers? Is dad too old?). Then… for the most important linebacker, the master of defensive ceremonies rockin’ the Mike (and the play-calling radio next year), Shanny picked up a special-teamer from the Seahawks of Seattle. There you go Michael Shanablitz; get a guy who has started 2 NFL games in his career and make him your defensive quarterback. Sure he was a team captain for the Seahawks and all, but was it not indicative of his abilities when he attracted little attention from other teams in free agency? Maybe Shanahan picks guys based on their names. Niko Koutouvides is a pretty crazy name, is it not? Didn’t he do an album with the Velvet Underground? (and one)

In the end, though, it’s not how many games you’ve started, or that you don’t do too much talking these days… these days (that’s two!), it’s how you play. Maybe Niko fits into the defensive scheme—whatever Shanahan’s 95^th defensive scheme of the month is. He could actually be a decent player, though that’s about as likely as Shanahan avoiding the tanning salon for more than a week. It could happen though. Atari Bigby was an undrafted linebacker whom the Packers switched to safety after he spent a couple years on the practice squad and special teams. He turned out to be a dominant strong safety. Will Niko follow suit? Will the Chelsea Girl “End” “All Tomorrow’s Parties” on “Sunday Morning?” (and three, four, five, six and… I apologize profusely) No, Niko probably won’t when you consider the Broncos recent defensive history.

There is this super over-hyped thing—I think they call it the draught or something—that the Broncos could try and use. Their #12 pick is a pretty bad spot for linebacker and defensive tackle, where they really need help. There are, however, some decent o-lineman according Melvin “Yes, I drank 35 cups of coffee in the last five minutes and I mistook the cocaine for sugar” Kiper Jr. What say they take their o-linemen in the first round, whomever it may be? Then, in the third or fourth round they may, perchance, happen upon a little middle linebacker by the name of Jordan Dizon, who clandestinely (big word!) led the nation in solo tackles and didn’t get the Butkus Award because he didn’t play for Ohio State. He out tackled James Laurinaitis by 51 total, 81 solo and 2.5 for a loss, but alas, Laurinaitis out games-played-for-Ohio-State-ed Dizon by 13. In addition to this egregious flaw, Dizon is little, only weighing 225 (he also ran a 4.59 40 at the CU pro day!?!?). But… it just so happens that Shanny’s 4-3, cover 2 intensive, defensive scheme requires smaller, quicker linebackers. He could use a little tackling machine in the middle of that defense (and some defensive linemen not named Elvis who can play). I’m no scout, and I probably know a lot less about football than I think I do, but Dizon seems like a decent fit and the draught (yeah?) is a pretty decent talent pool compared to the 27-year-old special teamer/dead German singer-songwriter/fashion model/actress pool (and seven… biggitty biggitty boo-yah!).

I forgot about the quotes recently—not this time:

“You're some sort of big, fat, smart-bug, aren't you?” – Casper Van Dien as Johnny Rico in the 1997 smash-hit Starship Troopers

Because we know them so personally...

Just in case some of you are confused with some of the nicknames we have for our beloved Rockies, I’m here to give you the glossary. If you don’t quite know who we’re talking about, you can look back to this post for reference. I’m no Chris Berman and my references aren’t as mind bending as Dennis Miller’s, but bear with me. Here we go.

Willy Taveras: Billy T, Will.i.am, Billiam, Speedy Taveras
Troy Tulowitzki: Tulo, Three-lo, Tulo-whiz-kid
Matt Holliday: Big Daddy, Big Sexy, Big Poppa, Yeah Bitch
Todd Helton: God Helton
Garrett Atkins: Jerry, Geri-atkins
Brad Hawpe: Bradley Van Hawpe, Sir Bradley of Hawpe, Hawpely, Hawpealong Cassidy, Hawpe on Pawpe
Clint Barmes: Grimes, Grimesy, Clinton
Yorvit Torrealba: Yorv, Jorv, Jorvit
Chris Iannetta: Chris, Iannetta
Ryan Spilborghs: Spilly, Killborghs, Spielbergs
Jeff Francis: Franchise, Jeff eh
Aaron Cook: Cookie, Big Red
Ubaldo Jimenez: U-ball, Four-balldo
Franklin Morales: Frankie K
Manny Corpas: Habeas Corpas
Brian Fuentes: T-Rex, Rex Mex, Tex Mex, Rex Spex

Hope this helps everyone. Go Broncos, er, Rockies.

Rox Recap 4/21/08 (The Won That Got Away)

Baseball is a game of inches. Cliché? Yes, but it’s a fact of life. A ball one inch from the sweet spot on the bat can be the difference between a lazy fly out or a 3 run homer. A line drive one inch either way from the foul line can be the difference between a foul ball and a game changing triple. And an odd carom off the wall can be the difference between a double and an inside the park home run. Unfortunately for the Rockies last night, this game of inches left them a foot short as the bullpen blew another 8^th inning lead against the Phillies.

1) The game started out promisingly enough with Yorvit Torrealba, obviously an avid reader of Frost Brewed Baseball, trying to coax us into supporting him for the starting catching job by knocking his second three run homer of the season. Garrett Atkins also added a 2 run shot in the 5^th, his 4^th of the year which leads the team. There will be no such slow start again for Jerry this year. Mark Redman was pitching as effectively as possible by only allowing a 2 run shot to “It’s Pat” Burrell in the 4^th. Then the breaks stopped going the way of los Rockies. Before Burrell’s home run, Ryan Howard hit a sharp ground ball that Todd dove for even though second baseman Clint Barmes would have probably made the easy play. It bounced off Todd’s glove and everyone was safe. Burrell followed with a home run on a fat 3-1 pitch from Redman. In the 6^th, Phils centerfielder Jayson Werth bopped a ball to deep right center. Willy gave it chase but couldn’t come up with it as the ball took an odd hop off the corner of the padding of the deepest part of the park. It bounced about 50 feet away from Willy and it was a miracle the play at the plate was even close as Werth made it all the way around. Then the best hitter in baseball history who only swings halfway, Chase Utley, hit his 6^th home run in the last 5 games the conventional way, lashing a shot into the right field bleachers. Word to Jeff Francis, tonight’s starting pitcher, be careful with Utley tonight. He’s on fire like Los Angeles during the filming of Volcano.

2) With Matt Herges and Taylor Buchholz holding the 1 run lead until the 8^th inning, Clinton Hurdle rightly decided that Brian Fuentes, who had worked 4 of the last 5 days including blowing the lead and taking the loss in Sunday’s game at Houston, should get a day off, even with dangerous lefties Utley and Howard due up in the inning. He let Buchholz try his hand at the 8^th and it started out well enough with a ground ball and a big strikeout of Utley. Then, a single by Howard, a flare off the end of Burrell’s bat on a ball that was a foot outside, and a walk loaded the bases. Hurdle, who if something works for him for a little while has to be tortured with whips and chains in order to change it, went to the resident T-Rex Fuentes to try and save the Rockies again instead of bringing in sinker baller Manny Corpas to try for a four out save. Well, you guessed it, Fuentes’ second pitch dusted the chalk down the right field line for a double, giving the Phloppy Phils a 6-5 lead. That’s two days in a row Fuentes has given up the game changing hit as Rockies fans everywhere are having Vietnam flashbacks to his hideous stretch at the end of June last year where he blew four consecutive save opportunities, forcing the Rockies to play catch up the rest of the season. Nothing is more disheartening for a team than losing a lead in the late innings and the Rockies need a win today to give them a little confidence going into their two game set with the Cubbies. The bullpen has been magnificent thus far with the only two hiccups being the last couple of days. They won’t admit it, but maybe they’re still a bit gassed from the 15 innings they were forced to pitch in the 22 inning game last Thursday.

The Dr. Phils needed psychiatric care after their 3 game choke against the Rox in last year’s playoffs, and they know they didn’t deserve to win that game last night. The Franchise looks to build on his 7 shutout innings against the Padres in that marathon game last Thursday as he faces starter turned closer turned starter Brett Myers. The Rox need today to go their way, mkay.

Hopeless Spring Ain’t Eternal (Wow. I could be the next Woody Paige.)

Ignore the dumb title. ‘Twas dumb for the sake of dumb; like postdumberism, or something. Neverthenonetheless, the CU Buffs’ spring game this year was full of hope. No, that’s a lie. It was full of kids who wanted to be outside on the sunniest, hottest day of the new year and maybe get their buzz on. There was more roster checking and “who the hell is number…?” than cheering.

Cody Hawkins, whom most probably wanted to see throw a few passes, threw what seemed like two passes, one of which was a decently thrown touchdown. Everyone was pretty proud of him since it’s not often they allow dwarves to play quarterback, even if they are the coach’s son. Outside of the two times that Dan let Cody throw, there were endless option runs, reverses and boredom. Few fans were even watching the game. By the start of the second half, the student section was practically empty, gone to get plowed on The Hill.

There was some excitement, though, when one of the team’s top two recruits (Ralphie V) was unveiled at Folsom (Darrell Scott can’t play until he’s actually enrolled at the school). She took her runners for a ride; they could barely control her. One of them actually got trampled (though he was fine). Ralphie V could dominate some offensive lineman if Hawkins put her at defensive tackle. The new Ralphie could use a bit of practice, though. It seems like a circle is a little hard for her at the moment. She decided to stop near the southern endzone and it took about five dudes, and Dan Hawkins telling her “It’s Division I football!” to get her to run to her trailer.

Outside of Ralphie V and Cody’s two highlights, the football looked pretty pathetic. Either the defensive line is incredible (starters and reserves) or the offensive line is terrible. I hypothesize the latter. The pocket collapsed like Roger Clemens in front of a congressional hearing. I misremember, but I think there were more points off of blocked punts and field goals than runs or passes. Obviously it is a spring game and they aren’t going to be ready, but they looked like a junior high touch-football team could beat them.

Dan Hawkins is supposed to be a great coach and recruiter, and he has recruited some good players so far, but he hasn’t coached them all that well yet. Hawkins’ 97% reverse offense in last year’s bowl game was about as effective as Shelley Duvall’s performance in The Shining. Though Sports Illustrated ranked CU #1 in drunkest college football fans, it’ll be a long while before CU is ranked #1 by the BCS in football playing ability. I wonder if fan drunkenness goes up as football playing ability goes down. Or are they mutually exclusive?

Rox Weekend Recap 4/20/08 (The Morning After the Madness)

For the Rockies since 2000, Minute Maid (Enron) Park has seemed more like Jurassic Park to the Blake Street Bombers. When you first get there, you’re overwhelmed by the majesty and excitement of this new experience, but soon you’re knee deep in Triceratops shit, being hunted by Velociraptors, and listening to Jeff Goldblum ramble on about chaos theory. Going into this weekend’s 3 game series in Houston, the Rockies carried the burden of a 6-20 overall record to go along with countless heartbreaking walk-off defeats (2 coming last year during T-Rex’s Fall-of-the-House-of-the-Usher-esque implosion.) With their 22 inning epic in the rearview mirror, the Rox weren’t expected to do much when they arrived in Houston at 9 am on Friday morning. Everybody had a right to be exhausted and if they would’ve just thrown on their unis and sleepwalked their way through the initial game of this series, no one would’ve blamed them. Instead they made a statement that will hopefully carry through the rest of the season as they ended up taking 2 of 3 from the punchless ‘Stros.

1) Friday’s 11-5 victory was an alarming surprise to the baseball world. The Rockies actually were the opening story on Sportscenter on Friday for probably the first time ever (I actually did check outside for plagues of locusts and rivers of virgin blood, but all I saw were two drunk guys pissing on my neighbor’s car.) The Padres, the losers of the historically long affair, were shut out in Arizona while the Rockies offense got their second, third, and fourth winds with their second string lineup. The Pebbles (Rockies bench players? Just trying it out) accounted for 11 runs on 12 hits including a 6 run first inning where they showed no ill effects of weariness in knocking Astros starter Chris Sampson out after only 2/3 of an inning. Though Franklin Morales did his best to make it interesting in the bottom half of the opening inning by immediately giving back four runs, he settled down and kept the Astros at bay while lasting 5 innings without giving up another. 113 pitches in those 5 innings however is a troubling stat that will have to improve if he hopes to remain in the rotation.

2) Friday’s game gave us a glimpse at the Tulo we remember so fondly from last season when he enjoyed the greatest season ever by an NL Rookie shortstop. He followed his game winning double in the 22^nd inning on Friday morning with another 2 hits, racking up 3 RBIs in the process. Saturday’s game was a step back but on Sunday he knocked in an RBI with a go ahead single in the 7^th. His average is army crawling towards the Mendoza line but he’s putting together more quality at bats than he was even a week ago.

3) Brian Fuentes’ Minute Maid monsters surfaced again on Sunday as he coughed up the 1 run lead the Rox had mustered in the 8^th inning. Former Rocko Kaz HazMat-sui, apparently completely recovered from his surgery to repair an anal fissure, yes, an anal fissure, rocked a 2 run single off the wall to give the Astros a lead they wouldn’t relinquish. Fuentes did pitch a scoreless 8^th in Saturday’s ballgame and until today hadn’t allowed a run in 9 appearances. He’s worked four times in the last five games and should hopefully have the day off tomorrow.

4) I’ve been saying our bullpen has been incredible thus far this season and now I have the statistics to back up my ramblings. Our bullpen has a 2.86 ERA in the season’s first 18 games, the best in the bigs. 5 of our relievers have ERAs under 3.00 leaving only closer Manny Corpas and backup lefty Micah Bowie as the runts of the Rockies’ bullpen litter. If we get any consistency from our starting staff, we’ll be one of the elite teams in the National League. Our offense is starting to rumble and it’s only a matter of time before they’re consistently putting up 5 or 6 runs a game.

5) Ubaldo gave another inconsistent performance on Sunday. Through the first 3 innings, he’d thrown 28 pitches, 23 for strikes and looked unhittable. In the 5^th, the wheels fell off the schnitzel cart. He got two quick outs, then couldn’t hit asphalt if he fell out of a Volkswagon. He walked three in the inning and gave up a bloop single that led to a run before getting out of a bases loaded jam. He ended up surviving for 5 2/3 innings, but in the end, you can just add another uneven line to his career stat sheet. 5 walks and 6 strikeouts won’t cut it for a whole season.

Our 9 game road trip through Arizona, San Diego, and Houston finished with a 5-4 record, a quality road swing for a team whose best season road record is 39-42 (accomplished last season.) The Phillies from Philly come to Coors for a two game set. Mark Redman looks to keep his early season success going as the visitors will definitely be looking to enact some revenge on the Rocks for that embarrassing postseason sweep last year. Pseudo-MVP Jimmy Rollins won’t be making the trip however as the added weight of his conscience from knowing he wasn’t the true MVP in 2007 finally caught up with his balky ankles. Let’s git-r-duuuuuuuuuun.

Rox Recap 4/17/08 (The Neverending (s)Tory)

I’m not even sure where to start. Last night’s game was the ultimate test of a Rockies fan’s mettle. Maybe the Rox were trying to weed out the bandwagoners that tried to hitch a ride during last year’s playoff run because what they did last night definitely wasn’t for the casual fan. Being out here at Kenyon College in Ohio, the morning hours kept creeping by until I was positive I could see the beginnings of the sunrise on the horizon. This marathon of a game (by that I mean, I probably could’ve walked 26.2 miles in the time it took to finish it) can really only be defined by the numbers it produced: 22 innings, 6 hours and 16 minutes to play, 41 players used, 658 pitches thrown, 37 combined strikeouts, 25 hits, 3 seventh inning stretches, 1 hat eaten by Padres broadcaster Matt Vasgersian (who said in the 10^th inning that if the game went 18, he would eat his own hat), and 1 bleary eyed kid in his dorm room in Ohio, cursing his beloved team until they made his dedication worthwhile. What a night for the Colorado Rockies.

1) The game ended at 4:21 am local time here in Gambier, both my roommate and girlfriend had been asleep in the room for four hours while I sat up doing everything I could to not let the sandman enter (insert obscure Metallica reference here.) The Rox offense, wow, I was texting Eric throughout the whole game and we were wondering if it was in fact that lowest scoring 22 inning game of all time to which my response was that, well, it couldn’t be much more lower scoring. 2 runs in 22 innings is a 3 game slump for most teams, but the Rockies managed to hammer it all out in one agonizing victory. The important thing is, however, when you look at the score at the end of the day, the Rockies went into their division rival’s ballpark and took 2 of 3…or 3 of 4 and a half, whichever way you want to look at it. Willy Taveras set a Rockies franchise record for most at bats in a game with 10 and like I predicted in my Rox Recap on Sunday, Tulo did indeed have a multi hit game in San Diego. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that he would need 9 at bats in a contest to do so, but I just wanted to point out that my prophecy was correct. Bradley Van Hawpe was the only Rockies regular to take the collar in the game, going 0-7 with 4 strikeouts, but he did garner an all-important RBI walk in the 14^th inning (after an incredibly questionable ball call on the 2-2 pitch to which the Padres broadcasters started screaming in disgust.) It didn’t matter what the Rockies did throughout the course of this game, they just could not score. They would get leadoff doubles, runners on first and second and nobody out and still come away empty handed. It was only fitting in the longest game in either club’s history that the winning run would score on an error, a stolen base, another error, and a line drive double by a guy hitting just above the Ricky Ricardo line (that would be .150…and I totally just made that up.) All in all, I’d be much more worried if we had scored 2 runs and not won, but since we did, I’ll just stay cautiously optimistic.

2) No need to be cautious about being optimistic about our bullpen. What a bunch of gamers. In the 3 game set with the Latin American Parents, the Rox bullpen gave up a grand total of 1 run in 23 1/3 innings. No, that wasn’t a typo. The only run allowed was by Manny Corpas who failed to hold the 1-0 lead in the 14^th yesterday, but he even recovered to get out of a bases loaded 1 out situation (of his own doing, yes) by getting two perfectly placed ground balls. These guys have the guts of a kid who just climbed the Aggro-Crag. When even Micah Bowie is throwing 2 hitless innings you know you have a good thing going. Rex-Mex kept his ERA at a comfortable 0.00, Buchholz’ two scoreless innings brought his down to 1.00 while also adding 3 strikeouts, Ryan Speier, who pitched 3 huge frames in the post adolescent innings knocked his ERA down a peg or two to 1.17, and Kip Wells, the odd man out in the rotation but the deserving winner in this one now is the proud papa of a 1.84 ERA. Who are these guys and what have they done with the old Rockies pitching staff?

3) Jake Peavy was incredible last night in lowering his ERA to 1.20 and racking up 11 strikeouts. He was focused, intense, and fiery and deserved much more than he received…..but Jeff Francis matched him pitch for pitch. In the first sign that the Franchise has put his early season woes behind him, Francis threw 7 shutout innings, to the tune of 7 strikeouts and only 1 walk to go along with 3 hits allowed. He Picasso-ed the outside corner consistently all night even if the home plate umpire tried to make the strike zone into a Pollack. Last night was the shape of Francis to come.

4) Also, the catchers for each team, Yorvit Torrealba and Josh Bard, each caught all 22 innings yesterday. I don't even have to explain how incredible that feat is in and of itself, especially after the game when Tory said he wouldn't have minded catching 30. He's definitely fiery, and he deserved his probable day off for tonight's game.

Though the Rocko’s modern life has them arriving in Houston for a 3 game set at 9 am this morning, I guarantee they would be more exhausted had they not pulled that win out just before the roosters were crowing here in rural Ohio. I’m going to take a nap. Wake me up for the first pitch.

Talk about precocious...

It was revealed today that Miguel Tejada faked his age coming out of the Dominican Republic as a prospect. He is, in fact, 33 instead of his purported age of 31. His true age was, embarrassingly, right on his passport. Because of this, the Rockies decided to make sure they had no foreign-born players lying about their age by checking everyone's passports. The Rockies were pleasantly surprised to find out that Canadian-born Jeff Francis is actually 14, rather than his listed age of 27. Francis has often been called baby-faced, and lo and behold, he truly is baby-faced. This means instead of making his major league debut at the age of 24, Francis was only 11--by far the youngest player in major league history. Rockies manager Clint Hurdle had this to say: "I can't go out drinking with him any more. Shit!"

While a player claiming to be older than he truly is can be bad publicity for a team, finding out that a player is actually younger could prove to be great publicity. The Rockies anticipate a sky rocket in ticket sales when Francis is pitching. Much as the Cubs did in the Daniel Stern-directed Rookie of the Year, the Rockies aim to take advantage of Francis' young age. A spokesman for the team says they have already planned promotional days including: Free Pokemon Day (as in free -of-charge Pokemon, not free the imprisoned Pokemon), Free Jolt Cola to Get Buzzed On Day, We'll Do Your Social Studies Homework While You Watch the Game Day, and Dress Up Like Power Rangers Day. At a press conference this afternoon, Francis said, "Mommy, can I have my snaky now." His mom then gave him his cookies and milk and told him it was bedtime.

Perhaps this will bring about a new age in baseball, in which players are drafted out of junior high, rather than after high school. Here's to hoping.

Christopher vs. Yorvit—There can be only one Highlander…

Anferny discussed this earlier and I think it warrants some elaboration. After all, catcher is one of the most important positions out there. There is the chubby, high potential kid (Chris Iannetta) and the sprite Venezuelan (Yorvit Torrealba). Both have their merits, but one is more meritorious than the other. One’s meritivty is more meritified than the meritations of the other meriter.

Neither has hit very well in their major league careers. Actually, both have been well below average. Their career OPS+ is exactly identical (80). The problem is, Yorvit has had 1078 more at-bats than Christobald. Jorvy is 29 and passed his prime years (26-28). Chances are he ain’t getting any better. Christoph, on the other hand, is in his younger and more vulnerable years at 25. Add to this how he got jiggy wid it in the minor leagues (OBP: .409, SLG: 509) and there’s a good chance Ian will hit better than Tory over the long term. Obviously, minor league numbers don’t equal major league numbers, but there is a relative correlation. Yorvit’s are pretty similar, if slightly better in the majors. So far this year, in a very small sample size, Iannetta is OPSing 971 (nah, nah, nah, nah, na-nah, nah, getting’ jiggy wid it). The Duke of Torrealba, meanwhile, is OPSing 641 (nah, nah… no). Then again, perennial all-star and first ballot hall of famer Gabe Kapler is OPSing 1410 so far. So… conclusion? Iannetta and Torrealba have hit about the same so far in their careers, but Iannetta is younger and has a much bigger upside. Advantage: Iannetta

Defense is hard to judge. The stats are slippery and you can’t watch every single play. It seems like just about everyone who covers the Rockies says Torrealba is a terrific defender, yet he rarely throws runners out and he can’t seem to block the ball very well (though he was credited with only 4 passed balls last year). Iannetta is also supposed to be a very good defender, but he seems to be flawed like Torrealba. Apparently Yorvit is a better game-caller (catching ERA 4.12) than Iannetta (CERA 4.71). The stats seem to back that up. My only qualm with this is that both of them look into the dugout before they call their pitches. Is there a puppeteer in the dugout? I can’t say for sure. For lack of clear evidence, I have to say… Advantage: Torrealba.

The other advantage that Torrealba supporters claim he has is that he’s clutch. He reeks clutch. If he had a cologne, like Jeter, it would be called Clutch. The problem is that if you look at all his “clutch” stats (2 outs w/ RISP, late and close, within 1 run) he is worse than normal. In fact, the only time he hits better than his career average is with a margin of more than 4 runs, where his OPS is 28 points higher. As for late and close games, when you would think it matters most, his OPS is significantly lower (134 points lower!). So, if you believe in clutch hitting, which I personally don’t, you cannot say truthfully that Yorvit is “clutch.” Just because he hit a homer in the playoffs, it doesn’t mean he’s clutch (ahem… JETER!). Iannetta also doesn’t eat, breathe and shit clutchness; so this category is a wash, as the mystical attribute of clutchbat should be.

There are other arguments that could be brought up: Yorvit is good with the young latin pitchers (so just start him for Morales and Jimenez) and that Torrealba costs 7,575.75 times (not dollars) more than Iannetta (ok, there is no point in arguing that). So, I suppose the question comes down to: Is Iannetta’s bat and potential worth more than Torrealba’s defense? I think the answer is unequivocally, yes. Instead of wasting $3 mil on Torrealba, we could have had a capable catching tandem of Iannetta and Edwin Bellorin. But wasting money is what Dan O’ Dowd is good at—Hampton, Neagle. So unless his royal clutchness starts to hit well for the first time in his career, Clinton of Hurdle might find his team scoring more runs with a line-up including Christopher Domenic Iannetta instead of Yorvit Adolfo Torrealba. Oh, I forgot to bring up the “whose name is better?” argument. Yorvit Adolfo Torrealba wins in a landslide. I forfeit. Torrealba should start merely because of the majesty of his name.

"Oh, I just wanted to say good-bye and remind you that the good guys always win, even in the eighties." - Academy Award winner Barry Bostwick in the hit 1982 film Megaforce

Rox Recap 4/16/08

I know, I know, I missed a game before posting this. To all my fans, my sincerest apologies, but to be perfectly honest, I don’t feel like talking about Tuesday night’s Rockies game. The fact that we were almost no-hit by a journeyman pitcher who missed almost all of last season due to injury hurt enough that reliving it would be like having a bad acid flashback in the middle of your corporate board meeting. I feel like a psychiatrist. Let’s just focus on the good times, the times when our offense is hitting, and we’re getting quality performances from a guy who has to muscle up to throw harder than Jamie Moyer. Don’t think about the negatives. Stay positive!

1) Alright, positive, positive…10 runs in a game are pretty good. So is a 7 run 9^th inning. Especially considering the fact that we came into the game having scored the least amount of runs in the National League and only the lonely Nationals had a worse team batting average. Though this game was a nail biter until late, there were some performances that stood above the rest. This is one of many epiphanies that came to me last night in the triumphant sleep I always have after a Rockies victory: CHRIS IANNETTA NEEDS TO START. Phew, that felt good. I love Yorvit for his good nature and superb handling of our young pitching staff almost as much as I love the way he says “fastball” (pronounced “fah-boh”), but we need to give Chris a chance. He’s got a greater upside than Yorv, only a year ago he was touted as the catcher of our future, and finally he’s starting to hit like it. He struggled last year and was sent down to get consistent at bats in Colorado Springs, but when he returned in September, he hit .306 in 12 games and showed an improved confidence in all aspects of his game. He has continued that same stretch of good faith this season in his limited duty hitting .400 in only 15 at bats. Last night he went 3-4 with the go-ahead RBI double in the 6^th inning that put the Rox up for good. If Hurdle doesn’t exactly give him the job outright, he should at least give him a few more at bats here and there rather than starting him once or twice a week. Yorvit hasn’t performed well enough to warrant a guaranteed starting spot, and I think once we bypass the month of April, Hurdle might start to make some changes.

2) Speaking of making changes, Clint Barmes must have summoned the power of Greyskull in the last week screaming “I have the power!” while his bat became his Battlecat. He’s been tearing it up lately. It started in the depressing 10-3 loss to the D-Backs on Saturday where he came into that game in the middle and finished 2-2 with an RBI. Then he got the start over Tulo on Sunday and smashed a dinger, finishing with 3 hits and 4 RBIs. He inexplicably didn’t get the start over Jayson Nix at second on Tuesday, but Hurdle came to his senses and penciled his name in for Wednesday’s contest. All Barmes did in response was rack up another couple of hits along with a 2 RBI single in the 7 run 9^th. He also crushed a ball that would’ve been out in any other ballpark, but I forgot that to hit a ball out of PETCO National Park you have to 1. Be on steroids, and 2. Take away that silly gravity that the people of Earth seem to hold so dearly. He also made an incredible defensive snag of a screaming liner off the bat of Tad Iguchi which would have given the Padres the lead in the 3^rd inning. I don’t know what else he has to do short of performing John Fogerty’s “Centerfield” acoustically for Clint Hurdle while the skipper sleeps.

3) It was also a fairly promising performance for Mark Redman who finally beat his hometown team for the first time in his career. I feel like a broken record describing Redman’s starts thus far this year. The stats won’t jump out at you, but he kept the team in the game by going 5 innings, giving up 2 runs and only 3 hits. If our bullpen throws the ball like we did last night, those stats are going to win us a lot of ballgames. Herges, Buchholz, Fuentes, and Corpas combined once again to throw 4 no-hit innings with only 1 walk. Fuentes especially has yet to give up a run in 7 appearances this year and he looks like the T-Rex of old.

Jeff needs to start pitching like we know he can tonight. He gets the unenviable task of squaring off against Jake Peavy who only has a 3-0 record to go along with his 1.64 ERA, but who’s counting? All I remember about Jake Peavy is the Rockies lighting him up in the play-in for the play-offs last season. Boo-ya.

Moneyball, My Ass!

I think Friedrich Nietzsche could say it better than I possibly could—“The poison from which the weaker nature perishes strengthens the strong man—and he does not call it poison” (Thank you, college). That quote is overwhelmingly astute in reference to the sport of baseball. The poison of which I vicariously speak through Nietzsche—Moneyball.

Moneyball, the word that scares Joe Morgan worse than people realizing that he has no idea what he is talking about and never does any research. Moneyball, the word that single-handedly destroyed baseball. Moneyball, the book that detractors don’t even know the subject of. Moneyball, the book that has epitomized any new-fangled, crazy, baseball-hating, on-base percentage enthusiasts, despite the fact that so-called sabermetricians have been influencing baseball since 1977, 26 years before Moneyball was published. You can see it everywhere in baseball now—this battle between the baseball traditionalists and the people who try to objectively evaluate players.

Just the other day, in a nationally televised game, Steve Phillips, Orel Hershiser and that deep-voiced bald guy tried to ruse Mark Shapiro into their trap. Shapiro talked about minor league boxscores and stats. They asked him about what scouts said. He avoided the trap by saying he liked to incorporate every kind of evaluation. I prayed for Steve Phillips (possibly the greatest general manager in the history of history, as well as the most intelligent baseball expert ever, ever) to ask Shapiro why he hired that crazy weirdo who invented VORP into his front office. But, alas, my prayers went unanswered.

…And the battle rages on. I shall make my offensive, probably to no avail…

Let’s start with the simplest—on-base percentage. It measures how often a player gets on base, or, more accurately, it measures how often a player avoids making outs. Last time I checked, baseball is chronologized by outs; so, someone who is good at avoiding outs, is good at baseball, yeah? No, the prophet Joe Morgan says on-base percentage is only good for lead-off hitters. The prophet 2.0 Dusty Baker says nasty OBP-ers like Frank Thomas and David Ortiz “clog up the bases” with their speedlessness (I patent that word).

Then there is that crazy-ass VORP shit. I’m pretty sure VORP was invented by some jerk to try and make Adam Dunn look like a good hitter. VORP, to review, stands for Value Over Replacement Player. It measures how many runs (not runs-runs, but runs created) a player adds to a line-up over the average AAA replacement player. Screw that crap, give me a .350 hitting first basemen who hits only singles and never walks, that’s what I call a baseball player; a baseball player who is extremely average and doesn’t really help a team much at all. VORP not only includes how many times a player hits per at-bat (even if they’re all singles), it even adjusts for a player’s position. Bullcrap, who cares about position? Shortstops, catchers and centerfielders hit just as well as first basemen.

Obviously, I am being facetious, because advanced statistics, in the most statistic-driven sport, might, perchance, be useful (that was six commas in one sentence!). Take all six of the main baseball statistics par example:

Batting Average: Like I said before, .350 hitter + all singles + no walks = crap.

Home Runs: The best a hitter can do, but only one of many possibly beneficial outcomes for a plate appearance.

RBI: A situational stat. Let me reiterate, a SITUATIONAL statistic. Justin Morneau can’t get 130 RBI in ‘06 without people on-base in front of him. Let’s take this a step further… Pretend there is a team with 8 me’s and Alex Rodriguez. I can’t avoid outs at all and A-Rod is all alone in his douche-ity. A-Rod’s OPS+ is 147 (according to his career average). A-Rod hits, say, 40 homers. With my major league talent, he has 5 runs to drive in (and that’s generous). That means he gets about 45 RBI. Seems like a pretty limited way to evaluate a hitter, no?

Wins: The most limited, stupidest statistic in the history of statistics. We can take another extreme example: Jake Peavy pitches 240 innings, striking out 300, walking none and “gives-up” 20 runs. His offense, meanwhile, never scores one run for him all year (not that much of a stretch when you think about it). Peavy goes 0-20. He, therefore, sucks at pitching and isn’t a “gamer.”

ERA: Tolerable, but there is so much that goes into it outside of a pitcher’s control—luck, defense, relievers, park.

Strikeouts: Like home runs, the best a pitcher can do in a plate appearance. There are still a lot of other things a pitcher can do, like walk everyone as Carlos Zambrano does.

Each of those statistics provides you with a tiny, little aspect of a player’s abilities. Don’t get rid of them, just don’t dogmatize them. EqA (equivalent average) or VORP encompass a great deal more than batting average, homers or RBI. They are statistics, as in facts. They aren’t something that some nerd pulled out of his ass. They are carefully calculated scientific fact.

The whole thing reminds me of Christianity vs. evolution. Evolution is basically proven, yet Christians are skeptical. George W. Bush is “undecided.” People come up with these scientific facts, but the baseball traditionalists don’t believe it because Adam and Eve boned and created everyone, forget all the incest. These stats are new, evil and Nietzsche’s poison. I mean, look at the front offices that are openly down with sabermetrics: Oakland (obviously), Boston, Cleveland, San Diego and Toronto (though I’m skeptical, since they signed Eckstein). All of those teams are relatively successful, and some are very successful. Poison? Nay, I say advantage—"and [they do] not call it poison."

Ok, I know this was more analytical than funny and entertaining, but I’ll come out with something funny and entertaining soon (I hope).

“Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets” – LFO in the 1999 hit song “Summer Girls”

The Road to 16-0 Starts Today...

Yours, Mine, and Our Denver Broncos’ schedule was released today and solely from the initial glance at our week by week foes, I’m feeling fairly confident with our prospective chances. This unfound optimism was corralled a bit when I realized that I was, in fact, talking about the Broncos. There isn’t a person in this world who can question my love for the Broncos and I’ll defy someone to take me on in a trivia test, but with such passionate feelings comes the inevitable lover’s quarrels. They break my heart, and I take them back within the week and then volunteer to give their senile grandfather a sponge bath because “they just don’t have time.” Typical. To be perfectly honest though, if Brandon Marshall stops leaving greasy Hardees’ bags in front of his extremely breakable and expensive entertainment equipment and Jay Cutler’s mouth writes checks that his butt can in fact cash we could have a solid team. I’m not saying we’re going to win the Super Bowl, but we’re going to win the Super Bowl (that fucking optimism rearing its ugly head again.) The only games that, judging from last year’s opponent’s records, could prove challenging would be both San Diego games, our Monday night road game in Foxboro against the Patriots (no cameras allowed), back to back home games against Tampa Bay and Jacksonville in October, and our Thursday night date with the Brownies on November 6. Beyond that, the combined record of our opponent’s last year was 114-142, and that includes the Patriots perfect 16-0 record. The Patriots somehow garnered the weakest schedule next season in which their opponents only mustered a 99-157 record. Tell me how that makes any sense and I’ll tell you why Nickelback was the highest grossing rock band of 2007. Come to think of it, just don’t ask me. It’s too depressing.

Go Broncos. Only 4 months until training camp.

Thank the Big J Man Up in the Sky (John Elway)

I believe it is important to note that I have not seen one Peyton Manning commercial--not one--in at least two months. Cross your fingers that it lasts, because it won't.

The Henry Rowengartner Proviso (Or Gary Busey Is the Greatest Actor of All-time, Ever!)

Multiple choice question…

What gives sports media the biggest boner?

1. Improbable Career Comeback (see Ankiel, Hamilton)
2. Scrappiness (see Eckstein, Hansbrough)
3. Young Talent (see Upton (the J one))()))(
4. Tom Brady (see Stetson Cologne)
5. Randy Johnson (see definition of handsome in dictionary)

Answer at the bottom of the post…

Let’s ignore that question for the moment and focus on young talent. Everybody digs on the young talent. LeBron James! Sidney Crosby! OMG! WTF! LOL! BRB! Those precocious youngsters inspire us. They make us think: “How in the name of Hannah Montana did they get so good, so young?” The answer is that they are probably some kind of super advanced Tamagotchi type deals. Mike Brown just tells LeBron to train, eat, and then cleans his poop off the court by pressing a series of buttons. In baseball, it is the fledging pitcher that draws the most notice. Some may recall an obese Native American from Nebraska that became a media darling, mostly because he pitched for the Yankees. Here are some potential breakout obese Native Americans from Nebraska for this year:

Johnny Cueto

Ok, he’s not obese or Native American, and he’s from the Dominican Republic, but the kid’s got some skills. His line thus far: 19.1 IP, 1 BB, 24 K. R u f-ing k-ing m? (Are you fucking kidding me? - For the lay person). One frickin’ walk and 24 K’s. His OPS against is .555. His DIPS is 3.34. I know it is just three starts, but talk about hitting the ground running; this guy jumped out of a 747 and hit the Atlantic Ocean running AND stayed above the surface. Then there are his minor league statistics (career WHIP: 1.10, career BB/9: 2.12). How the fuck is this guy not the top pitching prospect in baseball?

Clay Buchholz

And this dude is the answer. Scouts are always talking about his totally tubular stuff (mid 90’s cheesage, yellow snapdragon hook, plus-plus string pullage), but stuff is overrated. Getting batters out is underrated (I’m pretty sure that’s a pitchers job, though I’m not positive). The fella can get guys out. His career minor league WHIP is 1.00!!!!!!!!!!more?!!!! He also averaged 11.23 K/9, coupled with a 2.43 BB/9. He’s like Ben Sheets circa ’06. So far this year, he has only put up a 2.92 DIPS. Tamagotchi? Undoubtedly.

Henry Rowengartner

You can’t argue with his heat (can get over 100). Like I said before, though, it’s not stuff, but getting guys out that really matters. Trouble is, I can’t try to project him with minor league numbers, because he has none. The Cubs signed him out of little league. Thus far, he has been wild, but he’s compensated with a lot of strikeouts. There are concerns about his throwing motion and medical history, though. His motion is unorthodox, as he derives much of his power from the tendons in his elbow, and it is difficult to repeat. As for his medical history, scouts tell me he recently broke his arm trying to show off in front of a babe; so, that’s a big question mark. He does, however, have all-world talent. Perhaps under the tutelage of Chet “Rocket” Stedman and pitching coach Phil Brickma, he’ll be able to cajole that talent into nasty radness and a date with Becky. (Scouts also tell me his mom taught him a plus-plus floater, to serve as a change of speeds)

Honorable Mention:

The “Juuuuuuussssssttt a bit outside” team: Ubaldo Jimenez, Franklin Morales, Homer Bailey, Chad Billingsley

The all-underrated team: Greg Smith, Manny Parra

The Munchausen Syndrome team: Yovanni Gallardo, Matt Garza

The “this guy is fucking good, but hasn’t done it in the majors yet” team: Dana Eveland, Phil Hughes

The “strikeouts are still cool” team: Jair Jurrjens, Ian Kennedy

The “I’m probably forgetting guys” team: ???

Multiple choice answer: It’s a trick question; A-D are a wash. They could all be correct. The answer, however, should be E.

“They mostly come out at night… Mostly” – the little girl from Aliens

Also: Will Smith co-wrote one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air entitled "Ain't No Business Like Show Business"